The Wizard and I – Wicked

1. NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED

CITIZENS OF OZ
Good news! She’s dead!
The Witch of the West is dead!
The wickedest witch there ever was
The enemy of all of us here in Oz
Is Dead!
Good news!
Good news!

SOMEONE IN THE CROWD:
Look! It’s Glinda!

GLINDA
Fellow Ozians:
Let us be glad
Let us be grateful
Let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue
The wicked workings of you-know-who
Isn’t it nice to know
That good will conquer evil?
The truth we all believe’ll by and by
Outlive a lie
For you and –

SOMEONE IN THE CROWD:
No one mourns the Wicked

ANOTHER PERSON:
No one cries “They won’t return!”

ALL
No one lays a lily on their grave

MAN
The good man scorns the Wicked!

WOMEN
Through their lives, our children learn

ALL
What we miss, when we misbehave:

GLINDA
And Goodness knows
The Wicked’s lives are lonely
Goodness knows
The Wicked die alone
It just shows when you’re Wicked
You’re left only
On your own

ALL
Yes, Goodness knows
The Wicked’s lives are lonely
Goodness knows
The Wicked cry alone
Nothing grows for the Wicked
They reap only
What they’ve sown

GLINDA
Are people born Wicked? Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them? After all, she had a father. She had a mother, as so many do:

FATHER
How I hate to go and leave you lonely

MOTHER
That’s alright – it’s only just one night

FATHER
But know that you’re here in my heart
While I’m out of your sight

GLINDA
And like every family – they had their secrets

LOVER
Have another drink, my dark-eyed beauty
I’ve got one more night left, here in town
So have another drink of green elixir
And we’ll have ourselves a little mixer
Have another swallow, little lady,
And follow me down:

GLINDA
And of course, from the moment she was born, she was – well – different

MIDWIFE
It’s coming

FATHER
Now?

MIDWIFE
The baby’s coming

FATHER
And how!

MIDWIFE AND FATHER
I see a nose
I see a curl
It’s a healthy, perfect,
Lovely, little –

FATHER
Sweet Oz!

MOTHER
What is it? What’s wrong?

MIDWIFE
How can it be?

FATHER
What does it mean?

MIDWIFE
It’s atrocious

FATHER
It’s obscene!

MIDWIFE AND FATHER
Like a froggy, ferny cabbage
The baby is unnaturally

ALL
Green!

FATHER
Take it away: take it away!

GLINDA
So you see – it couldn’t have been easy!

ALL
No one mourns the Wicked!
Now at last, she’s dead and gone!
Now at last, there’s joy throughout the land
And Goodness knows
We know what Goodness is
Goodness knows
The Wicked die alone

GLINDA
She died alone…

ALL
Woe to those
Who spurn what Goodness
They are shown
No one mourns the Wicked

GLINDA
Good news!

CROWD
No one mourns the Wicked!

GLINDA
Good news!

ALL
No one mourns the Wicked!
Wicked!
Wicked!

2. DEAR OLD SHIZ

PERSON IN CROWD
Glinda! Is it true – were you her friend?!

GLINDA
Well – it depends on what you mean by “friend.” . I did
know her. That is, our paths did cross. At school…

STUDENTS
O hallowed halls and vine-draped walls
The proudliest sight there is
When grey and sere our hair hath turned
We shall still revere the lessons learned
In our days at dear old Shiz
Our days at dear old

GALINDA
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh:

STUDENTS AND GALINDA
Dear old Shiz-zzzz

3. THE WIZARD AND I

MADAME MORRIBLE
Oh, Miss Elphaba:
Many years I have waited
For a gift like yours to appear
Why, I predict the Wizard
Could make you his
Magic grand vizier!
My dear, my dear
I’ll write at once to the Wizard
Tell him of you in advance
With a talent like yours, dear
There is a defin-ish chance
If you work as you should
You’ll be making good:

ELPHABA
Did that really just happen?
Have I actually understood?
This weird quirk I’ve tried
To suppress or hide
Is a talent that could
Help me meet the Wizard
If I make good
So I’ll make good:

When I meet the Wizard
Once I prove my worth
And then I meet the Wizard
What I’ve waited for since: since birth!
And with all his Wizard wisdom
By my looks, he won’t be blinded
Do you think the Wizard is dumb?
Or, like Munchkins, so small-minded?
No! He’ll say to me,
“I see who you truly are –
A girl on whom I can rely!”
And that’s how we’ll begin
The Wizard and I:

Once I’m with the Wizard
My whole life will change
‘Cuz once you’re with the Wizard
No one thinks you’re strange!
No father is not proud of you,
No sister acts ashamed
And all of Oz has to love you
When by the Wizard you’re acclaimed
And this gift – or this curse –
I have inside
Maybe at last, I’ll know why
When we are hand and hand –
The Wizard and I!

And one day, he’ll say to me, “Elphaba,
A girl who is so superior
Shouldn’t a girl who’s so good inside
Have a matching exterior?
And since folks here to an absurd degree
Seem fixated on your verdigris
Would it be all right by you
If I de-greenify you?”

And though of course
That’s not important to me
“All right, why not?” I’ll reply
Oh, what a pair we’ll be
The Wizard and I
Yes, what a pair we’ll be
The Wizard and…

Unlimited
My future is unlimited
And I’ve just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know – it sounds truly crazy
And true, the vision’s hazy
But I swear, someday there’ll be
A celebration throughout Oz
That’s all to do with me!

And I’ll stand there with the Wizard
Feeling things I’ve never felt
And though I’d never show it
I’ll be so happy, I could melt!
And so it will be
For the rest of my life
And I’ll want nothing else
Till I die
Held in such high esteem
When people see me, they will scream
For half of Oz’s fav’rite team:
The Wizard
And I!

4. WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

GALINDA
Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsical:

ELPHABA
My dear Father:

BOTH
There’s been some confusion
Over rooming here at Shiz:

ELPHABA
But of course, I’ll care for Nessa:

GLINDA
But of course, I’ll rise above it:

BOTH
For I know that’s how you’d want me to respond
Yes, there’s been some confusion
For you see, my room-mate is:

GALINDA
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar
And altogether quite impossible to describe:

ELPHABA
Blonde.

GALINDA
What is this feeling?
So sudden and new?

ELPHABA
I felt it the moment
I laid eyes on you…

GALINDA
My pulse is rushing…

ELPHABA
My head is reeling…

GALINDA
My face is flushing…

BOTH
What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame,
Does it have a name?
Yes!
Loathing
Unadulterated loathing

GALINDA
For your face

ELPHABA
Your voice

GALINDA
Your clothing

BOTH
Let’s just say – I loathe it all
Ev’ry little trait, however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl
With simple utter loathing
There’s a strange exhilaration
In such total detestation
It’s so pure and strong!
Though I do admit it came on fast
Still I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing
Loathing you
My whole life long!

STUDENTS
Dear Galinda, you are just too good
How do you stand it? I don’t think I could!
She’s a terror! She’s a Tartar!
We don’t mean to show a bias,
But Galinda, you’re a martyr!

GALINDA
Well: these things are sent to try us!

STUDENTS
Poor Galinda, forced to reside
With someone so disgusticified
We all just want to tell you:
We’re all on your side!
We share your:

ALL
Loathing!

STUDENTS
So strong!

ELPHABA
Boo!

5. SOMETHING BAD

DOCTOR DILLAMOND
Oh, Miss Elphaba – The things one hears these days. Dreadful things:
I’ve heard of an OxA professor from Quox
No longer permitted to teach
Who has lost all powers of speech
And an Owl in Munchkin Rock
A vicar with a thriving flock
Forbidden to preach
Now he can only screech!
Only rumors – but still –
Enough to give pause
To anyone with paws
Something bad is happening in Oz:

ELPHABA
Something bad? Happening in Oz?

DILLAMOND
Under the surface
Behind the scenes
Something baaaaaaad:
(spoken) Sorry: “Bad”:

ELPHABA
Doctor Dillamond – If something bad is happening
to the Animals, someone’s got to tell the Wizard.
That’s why we have a Wizard.
So nothing bad:.

DILLAMOND
I hope you’re right:

BOTH
Nothing all that bad:

DILLAMOND
Nothing truly baaaaaad:.
(spoken) Sorry: “Bad”:

ELPHABA
It couldn’t happen here
In Oz:

6. DANCING THROUGH LIFE

FIYERO
The trouble with school is
They always try to teach the wrong lesson
Believe me, I’ve been kicked out
Of enough of them to know
They want you to become less callow
Less shallow
But I say: why invite stress in?
Stop studying strife
And learn to live “the unexamined life”:

Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life’s more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it’s so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It’s just life
So keep dancing through

Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught-less
When you’re thoughtless
Those who don’t try
Never look foolish
Dancing through life
Mindless and careless
Make sure you’re where less
Trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you’re dancing
Through life:
So – what’s the most swankified place in town?

GALINDA
That would be the Ozdust Ballroom.

FIYERO
Sounds perfect.
Let’s go down to the Ozdust Ballroom
We’ll meet there later tonight
We can dance till it’s light
Find the prettiest girl:
Give ‘er a whirl:
Right on down to the Ozdust Ballroom
Come on – follow me
You’ll be happy to be there:

ALL
Dancing through life
Down at the Ozdust

FIYERO
If only because dust
Is what we come to:

ALL
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It’s just life

FIYERO
So keep dancing through:

BOQ
Miss Galinda – I hope you’ll save at least one dance for me. I’ll be right there. Waiting. Allnight.

GALINDA
Oh – that’s so kind. But you know what would be even kinder?
See that tragic’ly beautiful girl
The one in the chair
It seems so unfair
We should go on a spree
And not she
Gee –
I know someone would be my hero
If that someone were to go invite her:

BOQ
Well, maybe – I could invite her!

GALINDA
Oh, Bick, really?
You would do that for me?

BOQ
I would do anything for you, Miss Galinda.

GALINDA
So:

FIYERO
So I’ll be picking you up around eight?

GALINDA
After all –
Now that we’ve met one another

FIYERO AND GALINDA
It’s clear – we deserve each other

GALINDA
You’re perfect:

FIYERO
You’re perfect:

BOTH
So we’re perfect together
Born to be forever
Dancing through life:

NESSAROSE
Oh, Elphaba – isn’t it wonderful?
Fin’lly, for this one night
I’m about to have a fun night
With this Munchkin boy
Galinda found for me
And I only wish there were
Something I could do for her
To repay her
Elphaba, see?
We deserve each other
And Galinda helped it come true
We deserve each other,
Me and Boq:
Elphaba, please try to understand:

ELPHABA
I do…

Galinda – my sister and I were talking about you just now-

GALINDA
And I was just talking about you! I thought you might want to wear this hat to the party tonight!
It’s really, uh, sharp, don’t you think?
You know – black is this year’s pink
You deserve each other
This hat and you
You’re both so smart
You deserve each other
So here, out of the goodness of my heart:

BOQ
Listen: Nessa:

NESSAROSE
Yes?

BOQ
Uh – Nessa
I’ve got something to confess, a
Reason why, well –
Why I asked you here tonight
Now I know it isn’t fair…

NESSAROSE
Oh, Boq, I know why.

BOQ
You do?

NESSAROSE
It’s because I’m in this chair
And you felt sorry for me
Well – isn’t that right?

BOQ
No! No! It’s because… because….
Because you are so beautiful!

NESSAROSE
Oh, Boq, I think you’re wonderful!
And we deserve each other
Don’t you see, this is our chance?
We deserve each other
Don’t we, Boq?

BOQ
You know what?
Let’s dance!

NESSAROSE
What?!

BOQ
Let’s dance!

ALL
Dancing through life
Down at the Ozdust
If only because dust
Is what we come to!
And the strange thing:
Your life could end up changing
While you’re dancing
Through!

7. POPULAR

GALINDA
Elphie – now that we’re friends, I’ve decided to
make you my new project.

ELPHABA
You really don’t have to do that

GALINDA
I know. That’s what makes me so nice!
Whenever I see someone
Less fortunate than I
(And let’s face it – who isn’t
Less fortunate than I?)
My tender heart
Tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Tho’ it’s the toughest case I’ve yet to face
Don’t worry – I’m determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes, indeed
You will be:

Popular!
You’re gonna be popular!
I’ll teach you the proper ploys
When you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce
I’ll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair
Everything that really counts

To be popular
I’ll help you be popular!
You’ll hang with the right cohorts
You’ll be good at sports
Know the slang you’ve got to know
So let’s start
‘Cause you’ve got an awfully long way to go:

Don’t be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I’ve chosen to be come a pal, a
Sister and adviser
There’s nobody wiser
Not when it comes to popular –
I know about popular
And with an assist from me
To be who you’ll be
Instead of dreary who-you-were… well, are
There’s nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-ler … lar!

La la la la
We’re gonna make you popular

When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf
To think of
Celebrated heads of state or
Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don’t make me laugh!

They were popular! Please –
It’s all about popular!
It’s not about aptitude
It’s the way you’re viewed
So it’s very shrewd to be
Very very popular
Like me!

Why, Miss Elphaba, look at you. You’re beautiful.

ELPHABA
I – I have to go:

GALINDA
You’re welcome!
And though you protest
Your disinterest
I know clandestinely
You’re gonna grin and bear it
Your new found popularity
La la la la
You’ll be popular –
Just not as quite as popular
As me!

8. I’M NOT THAT GIRL

ELPHABA
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I’m not that girl

Don’t dream too far
Don’t lose sight of who you are
Don’t remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I’m not that girl

Ev’ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn’t soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who’s winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That’s the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I’m not that girl

Don’t wish, don’t start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn’t born for the rose and the pearl
There’s a girl I know
He loves her so
I’m not that girl

9. ONE SHORT DAY

ELPHABA
Come with me. To the Emerald City.

TOURISTS
One short day
In the Emerald City

GLINDA
Oh, I’ve always wanted to see the Emerald City!

TOURISTS
One short day
In the Emerald City

One short day
In the Emerald City
One short day
Full of so much to do
Ev’ry way
That you look in the city
There’s something exquisite
You’ll want to visit
Before the day’s through

ELPHABA
There are buildings as tall as Quoxwood trees

GLINDA
Dress salons

ELPHABA
And libraries

GLINDA
Palaces!

ELPHABA
Museums!

BOTH
A hundred strong
There are wonders like I’ve never seen

GLINDA
It’s all grand

ELPHABA
And it’s all green!

BOTH
I think we’ve found the place where we belong!
I wanna be
In this hoi polloi

ELPHABA
So I’ll be back for good someday

BOTH
To make my life and make my way
But for today, we’ll wander and enjoy:

ALL
One short day
In the Emerald City
One short day
To have a lifetime of fun
One short day

ELPHABA AND GLINDA
And we’re warning the city
Now that we’re in here
You’ll know we’ve been here

ALL
Before we are done!

GLINDA
Elphie – come on – we’ll be late for Wizomania!

WIZOMANIA CHORUS
Who’s the mage
Whose major itinerary
Is making all Oz merrier?
Who’s the sage
Who’s sagely sailed in to save our posteriors?
Whose enthuse for hot air ballooning
Has all of Oz honeymooning?
Woo – oo -oo
Wizn’t he wonderful?
(Our wonderful Wizard!)

ELPHABA AND GLINDA
Where so many roam to
We’ll call it home, too
And then, just like now
We can say:
We’re just two friends

ELPHABA
Two good friends

GLINDA
Two best friends

ALL
Sharing one wonderful
One short:

GUARD
The Wizard will see you now!

ALL
Day!

10. SENTIMENTAL MAN

WIZARD
I am a sentimental man
Who always longed to be a father
That’s why I do the best I can
To treat each citizen of Oz as a son –
Or daughter
So Elphaba, I’d like to raise you high
‘Cuz I think everyone deserves
The chance to fly
And helping you with your ascent al-
Lows me to feel so parental
For I am a sentimental man

11. DEFYING GRAVITY

GLINDA
Elphaba – why couldn’t you have stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!
I hope you’re happy!
I hope you’re happy now
I hope you’re happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you’re clever!

ELPHABA
I hope you’re happy
I hope you’re happy, too
I hope you’re proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

BOTH
So though I can’t imagine how
I hope you’re happy right now

GLINDA
Elphie, listen to me. Just say you’re sorry:
You can still be with the Wizard
What you’ve worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted….

ELPHABA
I know:
But I don’t want it –
No – I can’t want it
Anymore…

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes, and leap!

It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down!

GLINDA
Can’t I make you understand?
You’re having delusions of grandeur

ELPHABA
I’m through accepting limits
‘Cuz someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I’d sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down:
Glinda – come with me. Think of what we could do…together.

Unlimited
Together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll be the greatest team
There’s ever been
Glinda –
Dreams, the way we planned ’em

GLINDA
If we work in tandem…

BOTH
There’s no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

ELPHABA
They’ll never bring us down!
Well? Are you coming?

GLINDA
I hope you’re happy
Now that you’re choosing this

ELPHABA
You too
I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH
I really hope you get it
And you don’t live to regret it
I hope you’re happy in the end
I hope you’re happy, my friend…

ELPHABA
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
“Ev’ryone deserves the chance to fly!”
And if I’m flying solo
At least I’m flying free
To those who’d ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I’m flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I’ll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

GLINDA
I hope you’re happy!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Look at her, she’s wicked!
Get her!

ELPHABA
Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF OZ
No one mourns the wicked
So we’ve got to bring her

ELPHABA
Ahhh!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Down!