WHAT IS URINETOWN?
Little Becky Two Shoes
What is Urinetown?
Urinetown’s the end!
Swift and brutal punishment
No need now to pretend!
Hot Blades Harry
The trap door’s sprung
And then you’re hung
And when they cut you down
They’ll box you up and ship you out
And call it Urinetown!
The Poor
They’ll box you up and ship you out
And call it Urinetown!
Town!
Town!
Town!
Town!
Dance?
No!
Never do they dance!
Those people down in Urinetown
They never get the chance!
Dancing, forget it!
Never, nada, nope!
Unless it’s at the bottom of a rope!
Lockstock
People hear lots of things about Urinetown, of course, and that’s just the way we like it.
For example, a little boy once asked me, “Is Urinetown actually a nice place to live?
Gingerbread houses along golden, frothy canals? Like Venice, only different?”
I didn’t say yes. I didn’t say no, either.
Cladwell
What is Urinetown?
Urinetown’s a tool
An instrument of power
To enforce my iron rule
So send your troops
To all the stoops
And let them understand
If Hope is not returned
It’s Urinetown for all the land!
The Poor
If Hope is not returned
It’s Urinetown for all the land!
Land!
Land!
Land!
Land!
Cladwell
Dance?
Dance?
Do they think I’ll dance?
Those people with my daughter
Want to make me change my stance
Stance-dance, forget it!
Never, nada, nein!
I’ll teach them not to
Take from me what’s mine!
Bobby
What is Urinetown?
Urinetown’s a lie
A means to keep the poor in check
Until the day they die!
I did not shirk their dirty work
But things are different now
We’ll fight for right
With all our might
Until we win somehow!
Bobby and Josephine
We’ll fight for might
With all our might
Until we win somehow!
How!
How!
How!
How!
Bobby
Dance!
Dance!
Listen to it dance!
My heart is like a stallion
Racing through a great expanse
Canyons of freedom
That’s where it will waltz
Performing coronary somersaults!
Little Sally
What is Urinetown?
Urinetown is here!
It’s the “town” wherever
People learn to live in fear
So look around, you’ve finally found
The place you asked about
For Urinetown is your town
If you’re hopeless down and out!
All
For Urinetown is your town
If you’re hopeless, down and out!
Lockstock
For Urinetown is your town
If you’re hopeless, down and out!
All
Out!
Out!
Out!
Out!
Hey!
SNUFF THAT GIRL
Hot Blades Harry
Whaddaya think they talk about in those quorums they got up there – how good we are?!
So listen up, now! Any second those cops are gonna bust in here and bust us up like a bunch
of overripe canteloupes! So I say as long as our juice has gotta spill – all over this floor,
here – her juice has gotta spill, to! Cladwell juice! Then we’ll see who’s better than who.
Look at here there
All bound up, gagged and tied
With her head full of hair
And her heart full of pride!
Well, boys, I’ve had enough
Of each arrogant curl!
Bing! Bang! Boom! Let’s get tough
Playin’ rough –
Snuff that girl!
Little Sally
“Snuff that girl”? But killing people is wrong!
Little Becky Two Shoes
Then why does it feel so right?
Look at us here
In a hole, on the lam
With our hearts full of fear –
What a rip! What a sham!
You know, cops will be here
Bustin’ heads mighty quick!
Hot Blades Harry
But we’ll beat them to the bunch
When we snuff out that chick!
Little Becky Two Shoes
We tried doin’ what we should!
Hot Blades Barry
Wasn’t glad!
Little Beck Two Shoes
Then we learned that feelin’ good
Hot Blades Harry
Mean’s doin’ bad!
Both
Nuts, they fall close
So they say, to the tree
Looky here, here’s an a-
Corn from Cladwell I see
I say, she is the nut
and of course, we’re the squirrel!
She is what we saved for winter
So let’s snuff that girl!
Hot Blades Harry
Bing!
Tiny Tom
Bing!
Little Beck Two Shoes
Bing Bang!
Soupy Sue
Bing Bang!
Hot Blades Harry
A-Bing Bang Boom!
Robbie the Stockfish
Boom!
Billy Boy Bill
Boom!
Hot Blades Harry
Yeah!
Little Beck Two Shoes
Okay now, snuff!
Billy Boy Bill
Snuff the girl!
Little Beck Two Shoes
Yeah!
Soup Sue and Billy Boy Bill
Snuff the girl!
Tiny Tom and Robbie the Stockfish
Snuff her!
Hot Blades Harry and Little Beck Two Shoes
Oh yeah, now go!
Robbie the Stockfish
Snuff the girl!
Hot Blades Harry and Little Beck Two Shoes
Yeah!
Billy Boy, Robbie, Tiny Tom, Hot Blades Harry
Snuff the girl!
All
Yeah, snuff the girl!
This is the end
Roll the dice, place your bets!
In this mis’rable world
That’s as good as it gets!
So now, let’s live it up
Eat the oyster and the pearl
And let’s get this party jumpin’!
Really get it pumpin’!
Get this party jumpin’
Yeah, let’s snuff that –
Snuff that girl!
RUN, FREEDOM, RUN
Bobby
Run, freedom, run!
Freedom, run away!
My friends, you have to run
Run-a, run-a, run
Freedom, run away!
That freedom sun
Will shine someday
‘Til then you better run
Run-a, run-a, run
Freedom, run away!
Tiny Tom
I’m frightened!
Bobby
As well you should be. Freedom is scary. It’s a blast of cool wind that burns your face to wake you up.
Tiny Tom
Literally?!
Bobby
Yes.
There’s a trickle of sweat –
The Poor
There’s a trick of sweat –
Bobby
Drippin’ in your ear –
The Poor
Drippin’ in your ear –
Bobby
But still, you gotta run
Run-a, run-a, run
Freedom, run away!
The Poor
Ah – run, run away!
Bobby
Now, don’t you fret
And never fear!
‘Til freedom’s
Bobby and the Poor
Won, won-a, won-a, won
Bobby
Freedom, run away!
The Poor
Run, freedom, run!
Bobby
There’s a great big Cladwell on your tail!
The Poor
Run, freedom, run!
Bobby
And he’s put his henchmen on your trail!
The Poor
Run, freedom, run!
Bobby
I’m simply layin’ out the fac’s for you
Great big Cladwell’s makin’ tracks for you
Ain’t no time to relax for you –
Bobby and the Poor
Run, freedom, run!
Bobby
Run, freedom, run!
The Poor
Run, freedom, run!
Run, freedom, run!
Bobby
Freedom, run away!
The Poor
Freedom, run away!
Freedom, run away!
My friends, you have to run
Run-a, run-a, run
Freedom, run away!
Freedom, run away –
Freedom, run away –
Freedom, run away!
That freedom sun
That freedom sun
Will shine someday!
Bobby
…Three four…
The Poor
‘Til then you better
Run, run-a-freedom run
Run-a, run-a way!
| Bobby
Run, freedom, run! Freedom, run away! My friends you Have to run Run-a, run-a, run Freedom, run away! |
The Poor Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Ahh… |
The Poor
Run, Hallelu!
Bobby
That freedom sun!
The Poor
Freedom sun!
Bobby
Will shine someday!
The Poor
Some sweet day!
Bobby and the Poor
‘Til then you better
Run, run-a, run-a, run
Run-a, run-a run!
Hallelujah!
The Poor
Freedom, run!
Bobby
With the wind in your hair
You’ll run to freedom’s glory!
The Poor
Freedom sun!
Bobby
That freedom sun will shine
All over your freedom story
I said freedom –
I said freedom –
I said freedom, run
Away!
The Poor
Run, freedom, run!
Run, freedom!
Freedom, run away!
WHY DID I LISTEN TO THAT MAN?
Penny
Why did I listen to that man?
Why did I listen to
The nature of his plan?
And when he talked
I should have balked
I should have walked
I should have ran!
Why did I listen to that man?
Fipp
Why did I listen to that crook?
A little bribe in cash is all it really took
That’s how that craven
Toilet maven
Made me cave in
I’m a schnook!
Why did I listen to that crook?
Bobby
You lied to us, Cladwell! You told us one thing, then you did another! That’s what you did, Cladwell! That’s what you did!
Lockstock and Barrel
Now we’ve finally got you!
Now you’re in our claws!
Captured in our city
Of laws
There’s no trial or jury
Nothing to discuss
Now the law is speaking
Through us!
You’ll get Urinetown!
Off with you to Urinetown!
Away with you to Urinetown!
Now, no more funn!
Penny
Let go of me! I have to save Hope!
Business Man 2
There’s no saving Hope now, Ms. Pennywise.
Business Man 1
There may be no saving you.
Penny
Oh, no?! Then take that! And that! And this! And a few of these!
Hope
Why did I listen to that boy?
He spoke of hopes and dreams
It filled me with such joy
How can I know
He loved me so?
Was it for show?
Was I his toy?
Why did I listen to that boy?
Penny
Why did I listen to that cad?
Hope
Why did I listen to my dad?
Hope and Penny
I went to work for him
He said he was so glad
Hope
Was he sincere?
Penny
Well, now it’s clear
Hope
And now I fear
Hope and Penny
That I’ve been had!
Why did I listen to –
| Fipp That crook That crook |
Penny
That cad That cad |
Lockstock and Barrel
This is Urinetown! Dead ahead It’s Urinetown! You must Go to Urinetown! Urinetown! |
Bobby
My heart My heart |
Hope
My dad |
Bobby
So what’s it like, this “Urinetown” that I’ve heard so much about?
Barrel
Perhaps better for us to “show” you.
Bobby
Wait a minute, you’re just going to throw me off this roof and tha’s supposed to be Urinetown?! Death is Urinetown?!
Lockstock
That’s one interpretation
| Bobby
Why did I listen to my heart? I heard its call and made This revolution start So let the throng Take up my song! Make Cladwell see That he is wrong Why did I listen to my heart? Why did I listen to my heart? I heard its call and made This revolution start So let the throng Take up my song! Make Cladwell see That he is wrong |
Lockstock and Barrel
There’s no trial or jury Nothing to discuss Now the law is speaking Through us |
Bobby, Hope, Penny, Fipp, Lockstock and Barrel
Why did I/he listen to my/that –
Why did I/he listen to my/that –
Penny
Cad?
Hope
Dad?
Fipp, Lockstock, Barrel
Bad?
Bobby, Hope, Penny, Fipp, Lockstock and Barrel
Why did I/he listen to my/that –
Bobby
Heart!
Lockstock
A shovel and a mop, Mr. Barrel. You know the drill.
TELL HER I LOVE HER
Little Sally
Tell her I love her
Tell her I’ll always be with her
And I will see her in a better place
Where hope is always new
Ours was a short time
Ours was a love that never bloomed
Yet in that love there lives
A brand new hope
It’s calling out to you
Its call is soft and gentle
Tame and fine
It’s docile and benign
Bobby
A pickle in the brine
What did I say? That isn’t what I meant
I’ve lost my sense of scent
I fear my life is spent
Bobby and Little Sally
No one is innocent
Little Sally
No one.
Soupy Sue
“No one is innocent”? What did he mean by that?
Little Sally
I don’t know, he started fading in and out after awhile. It was a miracle he was alive at all, the fall was so horrible.
Tiny Tom
Was he talking about me? How can he say I’m not innocent? Not innocent of what?
Little Sally
Wait! Wait, please. There’s more. He said…
Tell all the people
Tell them the time is always now
Tell them to fight for
What they know is right
Bobby
I’ve lost my sense of sight
And yet I see them
I see them standing hand in hand
Bobby and Little Sally
I see them standing hand in hand
and cheek to cheek and gland to gland
There still is hope, I see it, in this land
Little Sally
If only –
Josephine
Yes?
Bobby and Little Sally
If only – !
All
Yes?!
Little Sally
And then he expired.
WE’RE NOT SORRY
Little Sally
With a lust for
Saving water
Man gives daughter
Up for dead
Hot Blades Harry
Play it on your
Stradivari!
He’s not sorry
Not a shred!
| The Rebels
He’s not sorry… He’s not sorry… He’s not sorry… He’s not sorry… |
Barrel An absolute maze, that’s what the sewer system is. |
Lockstock
I’m going back down to give it another look. You stay here to guard the streets.
Josephine
You who fly the
Blimp of evil
Shun upheaval
In the air!
Soupy Sue
Then ask why the
Ride gets jarry –
Now you’re sorry
You’re up there
The Rebels
Now you’re sorry…
Now you’re sorry…
Those who made dough
From debasing
Need erasing
Need the knife
Let their blood flow
Like Campari!
We’re not sorry –
Hey that’s life!
| The Rebels
Once they liked to Shoot their rifles Just for trifles Hunt us down! |
UGC Staff We’re not sorry! We’re not sorry! We’re not sorry! We’re not sorry now! |
All
Ba-dap! Ba-dap!
| The Rebels
Now it’s we who Play safari – |
UGC Staff Sorry! We’re not sorry! We’re not – |
Cladwell and Co.
We’re not sorry!
The Rebels
They’re not sorry!
Billy Boy Bill
I’m not sorry!
All
No one’s sorry
No one’s sorry
‘Til they get to Urine –
WE’RE NOT SORRY – REPRISE
| Cladwell
So long, power! |
Penny Mr. Cladwell – Caldwell Cladwell |
Cladwell
I’m the bunny
This time ’round
Penny
Remember when our
Nights were starry?
Cladwell
Aren’t ya sorry?
Penny
Sure, I’m sorry
Cladwell
I’m not sorry
Both
Just unsound
I SEE A RIVER
Hope
I see a river flowing for freedom
I see a river just in view
I see a river flowing for freedom
I see a river straight and true
Come to the river flowing for justice
Come to the river rendezvous
Come to the river flowing for justice
All for the people, me and you
Lockstock
Well, as you guessed, Hope took over her father’s business, instituting a series of reforms which opened the public bathrooms to all the people,
to pee for free whenever they liked, as much as they liked, for as long as they liked, with whomever they liked. The UGC was renamed, “The Bobby Strong
Memorial Toilet Authority” and was operated as a public trust for the benefit of the people.
Little Becky Two Shoes
Sisters and brothers fight for the river
Hope
Fathers and mothers
Little Becky Two Shoes
Babies, too!
Hope and Little Becky Two Shoes
All in the family, push toward the river
Shove toward the river, why don’t you?
All
Step in the river, wade in the river
Soak in the river through and through
Once in the river, you are the river
Friends on the shorelines, jump in too
Lockstock
Of course, it wasn’t long before the water turned silty, brackish and then disappeared altogether.
As cruel as Caldwell B. Cladwell was, his measures effectively regulated water consumption, sparing the town the same fate as the phantom Urinetown.
Hope chose to ignore the warning signs, however, preferring to bask in the people’s love for as long as it lasted.
Little Sally
What kind of musical is this?! The good guys finally take over and then everything starts falling apart.
Lockstock
Like I said, Little Sally. This isn’t a happy musical.
Little Sally
But the music’s so happy!
Lockstock
Yes, Little Sally. Yes it is.
Josephine
Such a fever. If only I had a cool, tall glass of water, maybe I’d have a fighting chance.
Hope
But don’t you see, Mrs. Strong? The glass of water’s inside you, it always has been.
Josephine
It has?
Hope
Of course it has. Don’t you know what you are?
Josephine
A river?
Hope
That’s right. We all are.
You are the river, I am the river
He is the river, she is too
Hope and Josephine
All are the river flowing for freedom
Flowing for justice, let’s review
All
We see a river flowing for freedom
We see a river just in view
You see a river flowing for freedom
You see a river straight and true
Little Sally
I don’t think too many people are going to come see this musical, Officer Lockstock.
Lockstock
Why do you say that, Little Sally? Don’t you think people want to be told that their way of life is unsustainable?
Little Sally
That, and the title’s awful.
Lockstock
I suppose you’re right, Little Sally. I do suppose you’re right.
Little Sally
Can’t we do a happy musical next time?
Lockstock
If there is a next time I’m sure we can. Well, that’s our story. Hope eventually joined her father in a manner not quite so gentle.
As for the people of this town? They did as best they could. But they were prepared for the world they inherited, weaned as they were on the legend born
of their founding father’s scare tactics. For when the water dried up, they recognized their town for the first time for what it really was. What it was always waiting to be.
All
This is Urinetown!
Always it’s been Urinetown!
This place, it’s called Urinetown!
Lockstock
Hail Malthus!
All
Hail Malthus!
Lockstock
Thank you. And goodnight.
All
That was our show!