Thanks to her increasing prosperity, MRS. LOVETT has created a modest outdoor eating garden outside the pie-shop, consisting of a large wooden table with two benches, a few bushes in pots, birds in cages. At rise, contented customers, one of whom is drunk, are filling the garden, devouring their pies, and drinking ale while TOBIAS, in a waiter’s apron, drums up trade along the sidewalk. Inside the pie-shop, MRS. LOVETT, in a “fancy” gown, a sign of her upward mobility, doles out pies from the counter and collects a few on a tray to bring into the garden subsequently. TODD is pacing restlessly in the tonsorial parlor. The beggar woman hangs around throughout, hungry and ominous.
TOBIAS:
Ladies and gentlemen,
May I have your attention, perlease?
Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well
At that delicate, luscious ambrosial smell?
Yes they are, I can tell.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
That aroma enriching the breeze
Is like nothing compared to its succulent source,
As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course.
Ladies and gentlemen,
You can’t imagine the rapture in store —
(Indicating the shop)
Just inside of this door!
(Beating his usual drum)
There you’ll sample
Mrs. Lovett’s meat pies,
Savory and sweet pies,
As you’ll see.
You who eat pies,
Mrs. Lovett’s meat pies
Conjure up the treat pies
Used to be!
(TOBIAS and customers sing, overlapping)
1ST MAN:
Over here, boy, how about some ale?
2ND MAN:
Let me have another, laddie!
1ST WOMAN:
Tell me, are they flavorsome?
2ND WOMAN:
They are.
3RD WOMAN:
Isn’t this delicious?
TOBIAS ( To 2ND MAN):
Right away.
4THMAN:
Could we have some service over here, boy?
4TH WOMAN:
Could we have some service, waiter?
3RD MAN:
Could we have some service?
2ND and 3RD WOMAN:
Yes, they are.
1ST MAN:
God, that’s good!
2ND MAN:
What about that pie, boy?
1ST WOMAN:
Tell me, are they spicy?
2ND WOMAN:
God, that’s good!
5TH WOMAN:
How much are you charging?
TOBIAS:
Thruppence.
3RD WOMAN:
Yes, what about the pie, boy?
4TH WOMAN:
I never tasted anything so …
1ST and 5TH woman:
Thruppence?
5TH MAN:
Thruppence for a meat pie?
1ST and 2ND man:
Where’s the ale I asked you for, boy?
TOBIAS:
|_ Ladies and gentlemen — !
MRS. LOVETT (Ringing a bell to attract TOBIAS ‘s attention)
Toby!
(She starts into the garden with a tray of pies)(To a customer)
TOBIAS:
Coming!
‘Scuse me . . .
MRS. LOVETT (Indicating a beckoning customer):
Ale there!
TOBIAS:
Right, mum!
(He runs inside, picks up a jug of ale, whisks back out into the garden and starts filling tankards)
MRS. LOVETT:
Quick, now!
CUSTOMER (Licking their fingers):
God, that’s good!
MRS. LOVETT (A bundle of activity, serving pies, collecting money, giving orders, addressing each of the patrons individually and with equal insincerity):
Nice to see you, dearie . ..
How have you been keeping? …
Cor, me bones is weary!
Toby—!
(Indicating a customer)
One for the gentleman . . .
Hear the birdies cheeping —
Helps to keep it cheery . . .
(Spying the BEGGAR WOMAN)
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!
customers:
God, that’s good!
(TOBIAS shoos the BEGGAR WOMAN away, but she soon
comes back, sniffing)
MRS. LOVETT (To other customers, without breaking rhythm):
What’s your pleasure, dearie? …
No, we don’t cut slices .. .
Cor, me eyes is bleary! . . .
(As TOBIAS is about to pour for a plastered customer)
Toby!
None for the gentleman! . . .
I could up me prices —
I’m a little leery …
Business
Couldn’t be better, though —
CUSTOMER:
God, that’s good!
MRS. LOVETT:
Knock on wood.
(She does)
TODD (Leaning out of window):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To a customer):
Excuse me …
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT ( To TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (Moving toward him):
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk.
TODD:
But it’s six o’clock!
MRS. LOVETT:
So it’s six o’clock.
TODD:
It was due to arrive
At a quarter to five —
MRS. LOVETT:
TODD:
And it’s six o’clock!
I’ve been waiting all day!
But it should have been here
By now!
And it’s probably already
Down the block!
It’ll be here, it’ll be here!
Have a beaker of beer
And stop worrying, dear.
Now, now . . .
CUSTOMERS:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT (Looking back, agitated at being pulled in two directions): Gawd.
(To TODD, moving back to the garden)
Will you wait there, TODD:
Coolly, You’ll come back
‘Cos my customers truly When it comes?
Are getting unruly.
(Circulating again in the garden)
And what’s your pleasure, dearie?
(Spilling ale)
Oops! I beg your pardon!
Just me hands is smeary —
(Spotting a would-be freeloader)
Toby!
Run for the gentleman!
(TOBIAS catches him, collects the money; MRS. LOVETT
turns to another customer)
Don’t you love a garden?
Always makes me teary . ..
(Looking back at the freeloader)
Must be one of them foreigners —
customers:
God, that’s good that is delicious!
(During the following a huge crate appears high on a crane and moves slowly downstage to the tonsorial parlor. TODD sees it)
MRS. LOVETT:
What’s my secret?
(To a woman)
Frankly, dear — forgive my candor —
Family secret,
All to do with herbs.
Things like being
Careful with your coriander,
That’s what makes the gravy grander — !
CUSTOMER:
More hot pies!
(MRS. LOVETT hastens into the shop and loads the tray again)
More hot!
More pies!
TODD (Out the window):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To a customer in the shop):
Excuse me …
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT ( To TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT:
Yes, what, love?
Quick, though, the trade is brisk.
TODD:
But it’s here!
MRS. LOVETT:
It’s where?
TODD:
Coming up the stair!
MRS. LOVETT:
(Holding up the tray)
I’ll get rid of this lot
As they’re still pretty hot
And then I’ll be there!
TODD:
It’s about to be opened
Or don’t you care?
No, I’ll be there!
I will be there!
But they’ll never be sold
If I let ’em get cold —
But we have to prepare!
(During the/allowing, the crate is lowered to the tonsorial parlor)
MRS. LOVETT (Without pausing for breath, smiling to a customer):
Oh, and
Incidentally, dearie,
You know Mrs. Mooney.
Sales’ve been so dreary —
(Spots the BEGGAR WOMAN again)
Toby—!
(To the same customer)
Poor thing is penniless.
(Indicating BEGGAR WOMAN, to TOBIAS)
What about that loony?
(To the same customer, as TOBIAS shoos the BEGGAR WOMAN away again)
Lookin’ sort of beery—
Oh well, got her comeuppance —
(Hawklike, to a rising customer)
And that’ll be thruppence — and
CUSTOMERS:
(Singing with mouths/till)
MRS. LOVETT:
So she should.
God, that’s good that is de have you
Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what more that’s pies good!
(MRS. LOVETT goes up to the tonsorial parlor, entering as TODD opens the crate, revealing an elaborate barber chair)
TODD and MRS. LOVETT (Swooning with admiration):
Oooohhhh! Oooohhhh!
(The empty crate swings away on the crane)
TODD:
Is that a chair fit for a king,
A wondrous neat
And most particular chair?
You tell me where
Is there a seat
Can half compare
With this particular thing!
I have a few
Minor adjustments
To make —
They’ll take
A moment.
I’ll call you . ..
MRS. LOVETT:
It’s gorgeous!
It’s gorgeous!
It’s perfect!
It’s gorgeous!
You make your few
Minor adjustments.
You take your time,
I’ll go see to the customers.
TODD (Looking at the chair, as MRS. LOVETT goes back to the garden):
I have another friend . ..
TOBIAS:
(To the customers)
Is that a pie fit for a king,
A wondrous sweet
And most delectable thing?
You see, ma’am, why
There is no meat
MRS. LOVETT:
It’s gorgeous!
It’s gorgeous!
Pie can compete It’s perfect!
With this delectable It’s gorgeous!
Pie.
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
TOBIAS and MRS. LOVETT:
The crust all velvety and wavy,
That glaze, those crimps . . .
And then, the thick, succulent gravy.. .
One whiff, one glimpse . . .
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum! Yum!
TODD:
And now to test
This best of barber chairs .. .
MRS. LOVETT:
So rich,
So thick
It makes you sick . . .
TOBIAS:
So tender
That you surrender .. .
customers {Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum! Yum!
TODD:
It’s rime . ..
It’s rime . ..
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT (To the customers):
Excuse me . ..
TODD {From above):
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT ( to TOBIAS):
Dear, see to the customers.
TODD:
Psst!
MRS. LOVETT {Moving toward him):
Yes, what, love?
TODD:
Quick, now!
MRS. LOVETT:
Me heart’s aflutter — !
TODD:
When I pound the floor,
It’s a signal to show
That I’m ready to go,
When I pound the floor!
I just want to be sure.
When I’m certain that you’re
In place —
MRS. LOVETT:
When you pound the floor,
Yes, you told me, I know,
You’ll be ready to go
When you pound the floor •
Will you trust me?
Will you trust me?
I’ll be waiting below
For the whistle to blow . ..
TODD:
I’ll pound three rimes.
(He demonstrates on the frame of the window)
Three rimes.
(He does it again; she nods impatiently)
And then you —
(She knocks at the air two times)
Three rimes —
(She knocks heavily and wearily on the wall)
If you —
(She knocks again, rolling her eyes skyward)
Exactly.
customers:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT:
Gawd!
CUSTOMERS:
More hot!
MRS. LOVETT (Over her shoulder to them):
Right!
CUSTOMERS:
More pies!
TODD (Seeing her attention waver):
Psst!
CUSTOMERS:
More!
MRS. LOVETT:
Wait!
(She runs into the bakehouse, which we see for the first time. Upstage are the large baking ovens. Downstage is a butcher’s-block table, on which stands a bizarre meat-grinding machine. In the wall is the mouth of a chute leading down from the tonsorial parlor. Upstage is a trap door leading down to an invisible cellar. While music continues under, TODD takes a stack of books tied together, puts it in the chair, then pounds three times on the floor. MRS. LOVETT responds by knocking three times on the mouth of the chute. TODD pulls a lever in the arm of the chair. The chair becomes a slide and the books disappear through a trap. Music. The books reappear from the hole in the bakehouse wall and plop on the floor. The chair resumes its normal position. MRS. LOVETT knocks three times excitedly on the chute; TODD responds by pounding on the floor three times)
CUSTOMER:
More hot pies!
(MRS. LOVETT hurries out of the bakehouse)
More hot! More pies!
(TODD resumes tinkering happily with the chair)
More! Hot! Pies!
MRS. LOVETT and TOBIAS (To the customers):
Eat them slow and
Feel the crust, how thin I (she) rolled it!
Eat them slow, ‘cos
Every one’s a prize!
Eat them slow, ‘cos
That’s the lot and now we’ve sold it!
(She hangs up a “Sold Out” sign)
Come again tomorrow — !
MRS. LOVETT (Spotting something along the street):
Hold it —
CUSTOMERS:
More hot pies!
MRS. LOVETT:
Bless my eyes — !
(For she sees the man with cap, from Act I, approaching the barber sign. He looks up and rings TODD ‘s bell — three times)
Fresh supplies!
(TODD leans out, sees the man, beckons him up; the man starts up the steps. TODD holds his razor. They both freeze. MRS. LOVETT takes down the “Sold Out” sign and turns back to the customers)
MRS. LOVETT:
How about it, dearie?
Be here in a twinkling!
Just confirms my theory —
Toby—!
God watches over us.
Didn’t have an inkling . . .
Positively eerie . . .
TOBIAS:
Is that a pie
Fit for a king,
A wondrous sweet
And most delectable
Thing?
You see, ma’am, why
There is no meat pie
CUSTOMER (Simultaneously with above):
Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
Yum! Yum!
Yum!
Yum!
MRS. LOVETT (Spotting the BEGGAR WOMAN again):
Toby!
Throw the old woman out!
(As TOBIAS leads the BEGGAR WOMAN off again, Mrs. Lovett runs back to the pie-shop)
CUSTOMERS (Starting with their mouths full, gradually swallowing and singing clearly):
God, that’s good that is de have you
Licious ever tasted smell such
Oh my God what perfect more that’s
Pies such flavor
(MRS. LOVETT relaxes in thepie-shop with a mug of ale)
God, that’s good!!!
(The scene blacks out. The chimes of St. Dunstan’s sound softly. It is dawn. ANTHONY is searching the streets of London for-JOHANNA)
ANTHONY (Sings):
I feel you, Johanna,
I feel you.
Do they think that walls can hide you?
Even now I’m at your window.
I am in the dark beside you,
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair,
JOHANNA…
(As he continues the search, the light comes up on the tonsorial parlor. TODD is seated on the outside stairs, smoking and enjoying the morning. During the following passage, a customer arrives. TODD ushers him into the office and into the chair, preparing him for a shave. Throughout the song, TODD remains benign, wistful, dream-like. What he sings is totally detached from the action, as is he. He sings to the air)
TODD:
And are you beautiful and pale,
With yellow hair, like her?
I’d want you beautiful and pale,
The way I’ve dreamed you were,
Johanna…
ANTHONY:
Johanna…
TODD:
And if you’re beautiful, what then,
With yellow hair, like wheat?
I think we shall not meet again —
(He slashes the customer’s throat)
My little dove, my sweet
Johanna. ..
ANTHONY:
I’ll steal you,
Johanna. ..
TODD:
Goodbye, Johanna.
You’re gone, and yet you’re mine.
I’m fine, Johanna,
I’m fine!
{He pulls the lever and the customer disappears down the chute)
ANTHONY:
JOHANNA…
(Nightfalls. We see a wisp of smoke rise from the bakehouse chimney, a small trail gradually bellowing out into a great, noxious plume of black. As it thickens, we become aware of MRS. LOVETT, in a white nightdress, inside the bakehouse. The oven doors are open and cast a hot light. She is tossing “objects” into the oven. As the music continues under, a figure stumbles into view from the alleyway beside the chimney. It is the BEGGAR WOMAN, coughing and spitting and carrying a meager straw pallet, her bed)
BEGGAR WOMAN (In a rage, loudly, sings):
Smoke! Smoke!
Sign of the devil! Sign of the devil!
City on fire!
(She tries to interest passers-by but, clearly revolted by her, they move away)
Witch! Witch!
(Spits at the bakehouse)
Smell it, sir! An evil smell!
Every night at the vespers bell —
Smoke that comes from the mouth of hell —
City on fire!
(The smoke trails away as dawn comes up)
City on fire …
Mischief! Mischief!
Mischief…
(She shuffles off. It is now the next day. ANTHONY is searching through another part of London. TODD is upstairs and looking pleasantly down at the street. A second customer arrives and is shown into the shop and prepared, as before)
TODD:
And if I never hear your voice,
My turtledove, my dear,
I still have reason to rejoice:
The way ahead is clear,
Johanna…
JOHANNA’s voice (Heard only by ANTHONY, she becomes visible behind bars in a section of the madhouse, Fogg’s Asylum, in which she is incarcerated):
I’ll marry ANTHONY Sunday . . .
ANTHONY Sunday …
ANTHONY:
I feel you …
TODD:
And in that darkness when I’m blind
With what I can’t forget —
ANTHONY:
Johanna…
TODD:
It’s always morning in my mind,
My little lamb, my pet,
JOHANNA…
JOHANNA’S VOICE:
I knew you’d come for me one day . . .
Come for me … one day …
TODD: ANTHONY:
You stay, Johanna — Johanna …
(As they both sing the second syllable of the name, TODD slashes the second customer’s throat so that his mouth opens simultaneously with theirs)
TODD:
The way I’ve dreamed you are.
(Dusk gather’s; TODD looks up)
Oh look, Johanna —
(He pulls the lever and the customer disappears)
A star!
ANTHONY:
Buried sweetly in your yellow hair . . .
TODD (Tossing the customer’s hat down the chute):
A shooting star!
(Night falls again. Smoke rises. MRS. LOVETT is again in the bakehouse. The BEGGAR WOMAN reappears, coughing fit to kill)
BEGGAR WOMAN (Pointing):
There! There!
Somebody, somebody look up there!
(Passers-by continue to ignore her)
Didn’t I tell you? Smell that air!
City on fire!
Quick, sir! Run and tell!
Warn ’em all of the witch’s spell!
There it is, there it is, the unholy smell!
Tell it to the BEADLE and the police as well!
Tell ’em! Tell ’em!
Help!!! Fiend!!!
City on fire!!!
(The smoke thins; dawn rises)
City on fire . . .
Mischief. .. Mischief.. . Mischief…
(She makes a feeble curse with her fingers at the bakehouse)
Fiend . . .
(Shrugs, turns pathetically to a passer-by)
Alms .. . alms …
(She shuffles off again. During the last section of the song which follows, TODD welcomes a third customer. He does not kill this one because a wife and child are waiting out- side — the child has entered the room and sits on the chest watching TODD. By the end of the song TODD is again looking softly up at the sky)
TODD (Shaving the customer):
And though I’ll think of you, I guess,
Until the day I die,
I think I miss you less and less
As every day goes by,
Johanna…
ANTHONY:
Johanna…
JOHANNA’S VOICE:
With you beside me on Sunday,
Married on Sunday .. .
TODD (Sadly):
And you’d be beautiful and pale,
And look too much like her.
If only angels could prevail,
We’d be the way we were,
Johanna…
ANTHONY:
I feel you . . .
Johanna…
JOHANNA’S VOICE:
Married on Sunday . . .
Married on Sunday …
TODD (Cheerfully, looking up at the sky):
Wake up, Johanna!
Another bright red day!
(Wistful smile)
We learn, Johanna,
To say
Goodbye..
(Having completed the shave, TODD accepts money from
the customer, who leaves with his family)
ANTHONY (Disappearing into the distance):
I’ll steal you, Johanna!
(The scene fades and we see the barrel door to Fogg’s Asylum. From inside we hear a weird and frightening sound, the cries and gibbering of the i imates. After a moment, rising above the bizarre cacophony, we hear JOHANNA’s voice from inside a window, singing a snatch of “Green Finch and Linnet Bird.” A few moments later, she breaks of f singing and the inmates quieten too as ANTHONY, dejected, enters. As he starts across the stage, once again we hear JOHANNA ‘s voice, singing)
ANTHONY (Incredulous, overjoyed, stops in his tracks): Johanna! (Calling excitedly up at a window) Johanna! Johanna!
(A male passer-by enters)
Oh sir, please tell me. What house is this?
PASSER-BY: That? That’s Mr. Fogg’s Private Asylum for the Mentally Deranged.
ANTHONY: A madhouse!
PASSER-BY: I’d keep away from there if I were you.
(He exits. Once again we hear JOHANNA ‘s voice)
ANTHONY: Johanna! Johanna!
(He starts beating wildly on the door)
Open! Open the door !
(The BEADLE, falsely amiable as ever, swaggers on, recognizes him)
BEADLE: Now, now, friend, what’s all this hollering and shouting?
ANTHONY: Oh, sir, there has been a monstrous perversion of justice. A young woman, as sane as you or I, has been incarcerated there.
BEADLE: Is that a fact? Now what is this young person’s name?
ANTHONY: Johanna.
BEADLE: Johanna. That wouldn’t by any chance be judge Turpin’s ward?
ANTHONY: He’s the one. He’s the devil incarnate who has done this to her.
BEADLE: You watch your tongue. That girl’s as mad as the seven seas. I brought her here myself. So — hop it.
ANTHONY: You have no right to order me about.
BEADLE: No right, eh? You just hop it or I’m booking you for disturbing of the peace, assailing an officer —
ANTHONY: Is there no justice in this city? Are the officers of the law as vicious and corrupted as their masters?
Johanna! Johanna!
(With a little what-can-you-do? shrug, the BEADLE blows a whistle. Two policemen hurry on. The BEADLE nods to ANTHONY. The policemen jump on him but just before they subdue him, he breaks loose and runs away. The policemen start after him)
BEADLE (Calling after them): After him! Get him! Bash him on the head if need be! That’s the sort of scalawag that gets this neighborhood into disrepute. (As the scene dims we hear first, in the darkness, the shrieks and moans of the asylum inmates. Then loud and raucous, banishing them, we hear the sound of Mrs. Lovett singing, as lights come up on her back parlor)
MRS. LOVETT (Sitting at the harmonium):
I am a lass who alas loves a lad
Who alas has a lass
In Canterbury.
“Tis a row dow diddle dow day,
Tis a row dow diddle dow dee .. .
(The parlor has been prettied up with new wallpaper and a second-hand harmonium. TODD is sitting on the love seat, cleaning his pipe. MRS. LOVETT is using the harmonium as a desk. She has a little cash book and is counting out shillings and pennies in piles) Nothing like a nice sit down, is there, dear, after a hard
day’s work? (Piling up coins) Four and thruppence .. . four and eleven pence . .. (Makes a note in the book and does some adding) That makes seven pounds nine shillings and four pence for this week. Not bad — and that don’t include wot I had to pay out for my nice cheery wallpaper or the harmonium … (Patting it approvingly) And a real bargain it was, dear, it being only partly singed when the chapel burnt down. (Glancing at the unresponsive TODD) Mr. T., are you listening to me?
TODD: Of course.
MRS. LOVETT: Then what did I say, eh?
TODD (Back in his reflections): There must be a way to the judge.
MRS. LOVETT (Cross): The bloody old judge! Always harping on the bloody old judge! (She massages his neck) We got a nice respectable business now, money coming in regular and — since we’re careful to pick and choose — only strangers and such like wot won’t be missed — who’s going to catch on? (No response; she leans across and pecks him on the lips; sings)
Ooh, Mr. TODD —
(Kisses him again)
I’m so happy —
(Again)
I could —
(Again)
Eat you up, I really could!
You know what I’d like to
Do, Mr. TODD?
(Kisses him)
What I dream —
(Again)
If the business stays as good,
Where I’d really like to go —
(No response)
In a year or so …
(No response)
Don’t you want to know?
TODD (Dully): Of course.
MRS. LOVETT:
Do you really want to know?
TODD (Feigned enthusiasm): Yes, yes, I do, I do.
(Music continues under)
MRS. LOVETT (Settling back, after a pause): I’ve always had a dream — ever since I was a skinny little slip of a thing and my rich Aunt Nettie used to take me to the seaside August Bank Holiday . . . the pier . . . making little castles in the sand. I can still feel me toes wiggling around in the briny. (She sings)
By the sea, Mr. TODD,
That’s the life I covet;
By the sea, Mr. TODD,
Ooh, I know you’d love it!
You and me, Mr. T,
We could be alone
In a house wot we’d almost own
Down by the sea …
TODD:
Anything you say . . .
MRS. LOVETT:
Wouldn’t that be smashing?
(TODD gives her a pained smile)
With the sea at our gate,
We’ll have kippered herring
Wot have swum to us straight
From the Straits of Bering.
Every night in the kip
When we’re through our kippers,
I’ll be there slippin’ off your slippers
By the sea .. .
With the fishies splashing,
By the sea . ..
Wouldn’t that be smashing?
Down by the sea —
TODD:
Anything you say,
Anything you say.
MRS. LOVETT:
I can see us waking,
The breakers breaking,
The seagulls squawking:
Hoo! Hoo!
(She thinks she’s being charming; TODD looks at her in terror)
I do me baking,
(Waves)
Then I go walking
With you-hoo . . .
You-hoo . . .
I’ll warm me bones
On the esplanade,
Have tea and scones
With me gay young blade,
Then I’ll knit a sweater
While you write a letter,
(Coyly)
Unless we got better
To do-hoo . . .
TODD: Anything you say . ..
MRS. LOVETT:
Think how snug it’ll be
Underneath our flannel
When it’s just you and me
And the English Channel.
In our cozy retreat,
Kept all neat and tidy,
We’ll have chums over every Friday
By the sea . . .
TODD:
Anything you say . . .
MRS. LOVETT:
Don’t you love the weather
By the sea?
We’ll grow old together
By the seaside,
Hoo! Hoo!
By the beautiful sea!
(She speaks, music under)
Oh, I can see us now — in our bathing dresses — you in a nice rich navy — and me, stripes perhaps.
(Sings)
It’ll be so quiet
That who’ll come by it
Except a seagull?
Hoo! Hoo!
We shouldn’t try it,
Though, till it’s legal
For two-hoo!
But a seaside wedding
Could be devised,
Me rumpled bedding
Legitimized.
Me eyelids’ll flutter,
I’ll turn into butter,
The moment I mutter
“Ido-hoo!”
(TODD gives her a rather appalled glance)
By the sea, in our nest,
We could share our kippers
With the odd paying guest
From the weekend trippers,
Have a nice sunny suite
For the guest to rest in —
Now and then, you could do the guest in —
By the sea.
Married nice and proper,
By the sea —
Bring along your chopper
To the seaside,
(Two slashes)
Hoo! Hoo!
By the beautiful sea!
(Just before the end of the song, she plays a measure of “Here Comes the Bride” on the harmonium. After the song, she nuzzles up to TODD on the love seat)
Come on, dear. Give us a kiss. (Kisses him) Ooh, that was lovely. Now, Mr. T., you do love me just a little bit, don’t you?
TODD: Of course.
MRS. LOVETT: Then how about it? Of course, there’d have to be a little visit to St. Swithin’s to legalize things. But that wouldn’t be too painful, would it?
TODD (Back with his obsession): I’ll make them pay for what they did to Lucy.
MRS. LOVETT (Almost scolding): Now, dear, you listen to me. It’s high time you forgot all them morbid fancies. Your Lucy’s gone, poor thing. It’s your Nellie now. Here. (She takes a bon-bon from her purse) Have a nice bon-bon. (She kisses him over the bon-bon, has a thought) You know, it’s seventeen years this Whitsun since my poor Albert passed on. I don’t see why I shouldn’t be married in white, do you? (From the pie-shop, upstage, we hear ANTHONY calling)
ANTHONY (Off): Mr. TODD! Mr. TODD!
(He comes running in)
I’ve found her!
TODD (Jumping up): You have found Johanna?
ANTHONY: That monster of a judge has had her locked away in a madhouse!
TODD: Where? Where?
ANTHONY: Where no one can reach her, at Mr. Fogg’s Asylum. Oh, Mr. TODD, she’s in there with those screeching, gibbering maniacs —
TODD: A madhouse! A madhouse! (Swinging around, feverishly excited, buzzing music under) Johanna is as good as rescued.
MRS. LOVETT (Bewildered): She is?
TODD: Where do you suppose all the wigmakers of London go to obtain their human hair?
MRS. LOVETT: Who knows, dear? The morgue, wouldn’t be surprised.
TODD: Bedlam. They get their hair from the lunatics at Bedlam.
ANTHONY: Then you think — ?
TODD: Fogg’s Asylum? Why not? For the right amount, they will sell you the hair off any madman’s head —
MRS. LOVETT: And the scalp to go with it too, if requested. Excuse me, gentlemen, I’m out! (Exits)
TODD (Excitedly, to ANTHONY) : We will write a letter to this Mr. Fogg offering the highest price for hair the exact shade of Johanna’s — which I trust you know?
ANTHONY: Yellow.
TODD: Not exact enough. I must make you a credible wigmaker — and quickly.
(Sings)
There’s tawny and there’s golden saffron,
There’s flaxen and there’s blonde .. .
(Speaks)
Repeat that. Repeat that!
ANTHONY: Yes, Mr. TODD.
TODD: Well?
ANTHONY:
There’s tawny and there’s golden saffron,
There’s flaxen and there’s blonde …
TODD: Good.
(Sings)
There’s coarse and fine,
There’s straight and curly, ANTHONY:
There’s gray, there’s white. There’s coarse and fine,
There’s ash, there’s pearly. There’s straight and curly,
There’s corn-yellow There’s gray, there’s white,
Buff and ochre and There’s ash, there’s pearly,
Straw and apricot. .. There’s corn-yellow …
(They exit. As the lights dim, a quintet from the company appears and sings)
quintet (Variously):
Sweeney’d waited too long before —
“Ah, but never again,” he swore.
Fortune arrived. “Sweeney!” it sang.
Sweeney was ready, and Sweeney sprang.
Sweeney’s problems went up in smoke,
All resolved with a single stroke.
Sweeney was sharp, Sweeney was burning,
Sweeney began the engines turning.
Sweeney’s problems went up in smoke,
All resolved and completely solved
With a single stroke
By Sweeney!
Sweeney
Didn’t wait,
Not Sweeney!
Set the bait,
Did Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney!
(During this, TODD appears on the staircase, accompanied by a strange figure; they enter the tonsorial parlor. We soon realize the figure is ANTHONY, disguised as a wigmaker)
ANTHONY:
(Finishing his catechism)
With finer textures,
Ash looks fairer, TODD:
Which makes it rare. Good.
But flaxen’s rarer —
No!No!
Yes, yes, I know — The flaxen’s cheaper . ..
Cheaper, not rarer …
(Music continues under)
TODD: Here’s money.
(Hands him purse)
And here’s the pistol.
(Hands him a gun)
For kill if you must. Kill.
ANTHONY: I’ll kill a dozen jailers if need be to set her free.
TODD: Then off with you, off. But, ANTHONY, listen to me once again. When you have rescued her, bring her back here. I shall guard her while you hire the chaise to Plymouth.
ANTHONY: We’ll be with you before the evening’s out, (Clasping both TODD ‘s hands) Mr. TODD. Oh, thank you — friend. (He hurries off. TODD goes to a little writing table, picks up a quill pen and starts to write. The quintet sings what he writes)
QUINTET (Variously, as TODD writes):
Most Honorable Judge Turpin —
(TODD pauses reflectively)
Most Honorable —
(TODD snorts derisively)
I venture thus to write you this —
(He resumes writing)
I venture thus to write you this —
(Thinks, choosing the word)
Urgent note to warn you that the hot-blooded —
(Thinks)
Young —
(Grunts with satisfaction)
Sailor has abducted your ward Johanna —
(Stares off sadly)
Johanna —Johanna —
(Resumes writing)
From the institution where you —
(Thinks)
So wisely confined her but,
Hoping to earn your favor,
I have persuaded the boy to lodge her here tonight
At my tonsorial parlor —
(Dips the pen)
In Fleet Street.
If you want her again in your arms,
Hurry
After the night falls.
(He starts to sign, then adds another phrase with a smile)
She will be waiting.
(Reads it over)
Waiting …
(Dips pen again, writing carefully)
Your obedient humble servant,
Sweeney
(A flourish of the pen)
Todd.
(Music continues under as TODD hurries across the stage to JUDGE TURPIN ‘s house, knocks on the door, which opens, and hands in the letter)
TODD: Give this to JUDGE TURPIN. It’s urgent.