Life Support – Rent

WILL I…? (Various Locations)

STEVE:

    WILL I LOSE MY DIGNITY? WILL SOMEONE CARE?

  • WILL I WAKE TOMORROW FROM THIS NIGHTMARE?

GROUP #1:

    WILL I LOSE MY DIGNITY? WILL SOMEONE CARE?

  • WILL I WAKE TOMORROW FROM THIS NIGHTMARE?

GROUP #2:

    WILL I LOSE MY DIGNITY? WILL SOMEONE CARE?

  • WILL I WAKE TOMORROW FROM THIS NIGHTMARE?

GROUP #3:

    WILL I LOSE MY DIGNITY? WILL SOMEONE CARE?

  • WILL I WAKE TOMORROW FROM THIS NIGHTMARE?

GROUP #4:

    WILL I LOSE MY DIGNITY? WILL SOMEONE CARE?

  • WILL I WAKE TOMORROW FROM THIS NIGHTMARE?

ON THE STREET

THREE HOMELESS PEOPLE:

    CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE RINGING

  • CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE RINGING

    CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE RINGING

    OUT OF TOWN

    SANTA FE

SQUEEGIEMAN:

    HONEST LIVING, MAN!

  • FELIZ NAVIDAD!

HOMELESS PERSON:

    EVENING, OFFICERS

MARK:

    SMILE FOR TED KOPPEL, OFFICER MARTIN!

HOMELESS PERSON:

    AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOUR FAMILY

COPS:

    RIGHT!!

BLANKET PERSON:

    WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

  • I DON’T NEED NO GODDAMN HELP

    FROM SOME BLEEDING HEART CAMERAMAN

    MY LIFE’S NOT FOR YOU TO MAKE A NAME FOR YOURSELF ON

ANGEL:

    EASY, SUGAR, EASY

  • HE WAS JUST TRYING TO —

BLANKET PERSON:

    JUST TRYING TO USE ME TO KILL HIS GUILT

  • IT’S NOT THAT KIND OF MOVIE, HONEY

    LET’S GO — THIS LOT IS FULL OF MOTHERFUCKING ARTISTS

    HEY ARTIST! YOU GOTTA DOLLAR? I THOUGHT NOT!

SANTA FE

ANGEL:

    NEW YORK CITY —

MARK:

    UH HUH

ANGEL:

    CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE

COLLINS:

    SING IT GIRL —

ANGEL:

    TIMES ARE SHITTY

  • BUT I’M PRETTY SURE THEY CAN’T GET WORSE

MARK:

    I HEAR YOU

ANGEL:

    IT’S A COMFORT TO KNOW

  • WHEN YOU’RE SINGING THE HIT THE ROAD BLUES

    THAT ANYWHERE ELSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY GO

    AFTER NEW YORK WOULD BE A PLEASURE CRUISE

COLLINS:

    NOW YOU’RE TALKING

  • WELL, I’M THWARTED BY A METAPHYSIC PUZZLE

    AND I’M SICK OF GRADING PAPERS, THAT I KNOW

    AND I’M SHOUTING IN MY SLEEP, I NEED A MUZZLE

    ALL THIS MISERY PAYS NO SALARY, SO

    LET’S OPEN UP A RESTAURANT IN SANTA FE

    OH SUNNY SANTA FE WOULD BE NICE

    LET’S OPEN UP A RESTAURANT IN SANTA FE

    AND LEAVE THIS TO THE ROACHES AND M ICE

ANGEL:

    YOU TEACH?

COLLINS:

    I TEACH — COMPUTER AGE PHILOSOPHY

  • BUT MY STUDENTS WOULD RATHER WATCH TV

ANGEL:

    AMERICA

ALL:

    AMERICA!

COLLINS:

    YOU’RE A SENSITIVE AESTHETE

  • BRUSH THE SAUCE ONTO THE MEAT

    YOU COULD MAKE THE MENU SPARKLE WITH RHYME

    YOU COULD DRUM A GENTLE DRUM

    I COULD SEAT GUESTS AS THEY COME

    CHATTING NOT ABOUT HEIDEGGER, BUT WINE!

    LET’S OPEN UP A RESTAURANT IN SANTA FE

    OUR LABORS WOULD REAP FINANCIAL GAIN

ALL:

    GAINS, GAINS, GAINS

COLLINS:

    LET’S OPEN UP A RESTAURANT IN SANTA FE

  • AND SAVE FROM DEVASTATION OUR BRAINS

HOMELESS:

    SAVE OUR BRAINS

ALL:

    WE’LL PACK UP ALL OUR JUNK AND FLY SO FAR AWAY

  • DEVOTE OURSELVES TO PROJECTS THAT SELL

    WE’LL OPEN UP A RESTAURANT IN SANTA FE

    FORGET THIS COLD BOHEMIAN HELL

COLLINS:

    DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SANTA FE?

  • YOU KNOW, TUMBLEWEEDS…PRAIRIE DOGS…YEAH!

I’LL COVER YOU (The Street)

MARK:

  • I’ll meet you at the show.

    I’ll try and convince Roger to go

ANGEL:

    LIVE IN MY HOUSE, I’LL BE YOUR SHELTER

  • JUST PAY ME BACK WITH ONE THOUSAND KISSES

    BE MY LOVER — I’LL COVER YOU

COLLINS:

    OPEN YOUR DOOR, I’LL BE YOUR TENANT

  • DON’T GOT MUCH BAGGAGE TO LAY AT YOUR FEET

    BUT SWEET KISSES I’VE GOT TO SPARE

    I’LL BE THERE AND I’LL COVER YOU

BOTH:

    I THINK THEY MEANT IT WHEN THEY SAID YOU CAN’T BUY LOVE

  • NOW I KNOW YOU CAN RENT IT

    A NEW LEASE YOU ARE, MY LOVE, ON LIFE — BE MY LIFE

    JUST SLIP ME ON, I’LL BE YOUR BLANKET

    WHEREVER — WHATEVER– I’LL BE YOUR COAT

ANGEL:

    YOU’LL BE MY KING

  • AND I’LL BE YOUR CASTLE

COLLINS:

    NO YOU’LL BE MY QUEEN

  • AND I’LL BE YOUR MOAT

BOTH:

    I THINK THEY MEANT IT WHEN THEY SAID YOU CAN’T BUY LOVE

  • NOW I KNOW YOU CAN RENT IT

    A NEW LEASE YOU ARE, MY LOVE, ON LIFE

    ALL MY LIFE I’VE LONGED TO DISCOVER

    SOMETHING AS TRUE AS THIS IS

COLLINS:

    SO WITH A THOUSAND SWEET KISSES

  • AND I’LL COVER YOU

    WITH A THOUSAND SWEET KISSES

    I’LL COVER YOU

    WITH A THOUSAND SWEET KISSES

    I’LL COVER YOU

    WITH A THOUSAND SWEET KISSES

    I’LL COVER YOU

ANGEL:

    IF YOU’RE COLD

  • AND YOU’RE LONELY

    YOU’VE GOT ONE

    NICKEL ONLY

    WHEN YOU’RE WORN OUT AND TIRED

    WHEN YOUR HEART HAS EXPIRED

BOTH:

    OH LOVER I’LL COVER YOU

  • OH LOVER I’LL COVER YOU

WE’RE OKAY (At the pay phone)

JOANNE:

    STEVE — JOANNE — THE MURGET CASE?

  • A DISMISSAL! GOOD WORK COUNSELLOR

    WE’RE OKAY

    HONEYBEAR –WAIT, I’M ON THE OTHER PHONE

    YES, I HAVE THE COWBELL

    WE’RE OKAY

    SO TELL THEM WE’LL SUE

    BUT A SETTLEMENT WILL DO

    SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND CIVIL RIGHTS TOO

    STEVE, YOU’RE GREAT

    NO YOU CUT THE PAPER PLATE

    DIDJA CHEAT ON MARK A LOT, WOULD YOU SAY?

    WE’RE OKAY

    Honey, hold on…

    Steve, hold on…

    HELLO?

    DAD — YES I BEEPED YOU

    MAUREEN IS COMING TO MOTHER’S HEARING

    WE’RE OKAY

    HONEY — WHAT?

    NEWT’S LESBIAN SISTER

    I’LL TELL THEM

    YOU HEARD?

    THEY HEARD

    WE’RE OKAY

    AND TO YOU DAD

    YES — JILL IS THERE?

    STEVE GOTTA —

    JILL WITH THE SHORT BLACK HAIR?

    THE CALVIN KLEIN MODEL?

    STEVE GOTTA GO!

    THE MODEL WHO LIVES IN PENTHOUSE A??

    WE’RE…WE’RE OKAY!

    I’M ON MY WAY

CHRISTMAS BELLS (Various locations, St. Marks Place)

FIVE HOMELESS PEOPLE:

    CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE RINGING

  • CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE RINGING

    CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE RINGING

    ON TV — AT SAKS

SQUEEGIEMAN:

    HONEST LIVING, HONEST LIVING

  • HONEST LIVING, HONEST LIVING

    HONEST LIVING, HONEST LIVING

ALL FIVE HOMELESS:

    CAN’T YOU SPARE A DIME OR TWO

  • HERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO YOU

    YOU’LL BE MERRY

    I’LL BE MERRY

    THOUGH MERRY AIN’T IN MY VOCABULARY

    NO SLEIGH BELLS

    NO SANTA CLAUS

    NO YULE LOG

    NO TINSEL

    NO HOLLY

    NO HEARTH

    NO

SOLOIST:

    RUDOLPH, THE RED NOSED REINDEER

ALL FIVE:

    RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER

  • NO ROOM AT THE HOLIDAY INN — OH NO

    AND IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW

VENDORS:

    HATS, BATS, SHOES, BOOZE

  • MOUNTAIN BIKES, POTPOURRI

    LEATHER BAGS, GIRLIE MAGS

    FORTY FIVES, AZT

VENDOR #1:

    NO ONE’S BUYING — FEEL LIKE CRYING

ALL:

    NO ROOM AT THE HOLIDAY INN — OH NO

  • AND IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW

VENDOR #2:

    HOW ABOUT A FUR IN PERFECT SHAPE

  • OWNED BY AN MBA FROM DOWNTOWN

    I GOT A TWEED BROKEN IN BY A GREEDY BROKER

    WHO WENT BROKE AND THEN BROKE DOWN

COLLINS:

    YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS

ANGELS:

    HUSH YOUR MOUTH, IT’S CHRISTMAS

COLLINS:

    I DO NOT DESERVE YOU, ANGEL

COLLINS:

    GIVE — GIVE

  • ALL YOU DO IS GIVE

    GIVE ME SOME WAY

    TO SHOW

    HOW YOU’VE TOUCHED ME SO

ANGEL:

    WAIT-WHAT’S ON THE FLOOR?

  • LET’S SEE SOME MORE

    NO —

    NO —

    NO

ANGEL:

    KISS ME — IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW

MARK:

    …SHE SAID, “WOULD YOU LIGHT MY CANDLE”

  • AND SHE PUT ON A POUT AND SHE WANTED YOU

    TO TAKE HER OUT TONIGHT?

ROGER:

    RIGHT

MARK:

    SHE GOT YOU OUT!

ROGER:

    SHE WAS MORE THAN OKAY

  • BUT I PUSHED HER AWAY

    IT WAS BAD — I GOT MAD

    AND I HAD TO GET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT

MARK:

    WAIT, WAIT, WAIT — YOU SAID SHE WAS SWEET

ROGER:

    LET’S GO EAT I’LL JUST GET FAT

  • IT’S THE ONE VICE LEFT — WHEN YOU’RE DEAD MEAT

    THERE — THAT’S HER

MARK:

    MAUREEN?

ROGER:

    MIMI!

MARK:

    WO!

ROGER:

    I SHOULD GO

BOTH:

    HEY — IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW

COPS:

    I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS

MIMI & JUNKIES:

    FOLLOW THE MAN — FOLLOW THE MAN

  • FOLLOW THE POCKETS FULL OF THE JAM

    FOLLOW THE MAN — FOLLOW THE MAN

    HELP ME OUT, DADDY, IF YOU CAN

    GOT ANY D MAN?

THE MAN:

    I’M COOL

MIMI & JUNKIES:

    GOT ANY C MAN

THE MAN:

    I’M COOL

MIMI & JUNKIES:

    GOT ANY X

  • ANY SMACK

    ANY HORSE

    ANY JUGIE BOOGIE BOY

    ANY BLOW?

ROGER:

    HEY

MIMI:

    HEY

ROGER:

    I JUST WANT TO SAY

  • I’M SORRY FOR THE WAY —

MIMI:

    FORGET IT

ROGER:

    I BLEW UP

  • CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?

MIMI:

    HOW?

ROGER:

    DINNER PARTY?

MIMI:

    THAT’LL DO

THE MAN:

    HEY LOVER BOY — CUTIE PIE

  • YOU STEAL MY CLIENT — YOU DIE

ROGER:

    YOU DIDN’T MISS ME — YOU WON’T MISS HER

  • YOU’LL NEVER LACK FOR CUSTOMERS

JUNKIES:

    I’M WILLIN’

  • I’M ILLIN’

    I GOTTA GET MY SICKNESS OFF

    GOTTA RUN, GOTTA RIDE

    GOTTA GUN, GOTTA HIDE — GOTTA GO

THE MAN:

    AND IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW

BENNY:

    WISH ME LUCK ALISON — THE PROTEST IS ON

COAT VENDOR:

    L.L. BEAN

  • GEOFFREY BEENE

    BURBURRY ZIP OUT

    LINING

JUNKIES:

    GOT ANY C MAN?

  • GOT ANY D MAN?

    GOT ANY B MAN?

    GOT ANY CRACK

    GOT ANY X?

SQUEEGIEMAN:

    HONEST LIVING

ROGER:

    MARK, THIS IS MIMI —

MARK/MIMI:

    HI

ROGER:

    SHE’LL BE DINING — WITH US

COAT VENDOR:

    HERE’S A NEW ARRIVAL

THE MAN:

    THAT IS AN OUNCE

VENDORS:

    HATS, DATS, BATS

COLLINS:

    THAT’S MY COAT!

COAT VENDOR:

    WE GIVE DISCOUNTS

MARK:

    I THINK WE’VE MET

ANGEL:

    LET’S GET A BETTER ONE

COLLINS:

    IT’S A SHAM

MIMI:

    THAT’S WHAT HE SAID

THE MAN:

    I SAID IT’S A GRAM!

COLLINS:

    BUT SHE’S A THIEF!

ANGEL:

    BUT SHE BROUGHT US TOGETHER

BENNY:

    WHICH INVESTOR IS COMING??

COLLINS:

    I’LL TAKE THE LEATHER

BENNY:

    YOUR FATHER? — DAMN!

HOMELESS & VENDORS:

    CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE SWINGING

  • CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE RINGING

    CHRISTMAS BELLS ARE SINGING

    I N MY DREAMS — NEXT YEAR

    ONCE YOU DONATE YOU CAN GO

    CELEBRATE IN TUCKAHOE

    YOU’LL FEEL CHEERY

    I’LL FEEL CHEERY

    THO’ I DON’T REALLY KNOW THAT THEORY

    NO BATHROBE

    NO STEUBEN GLASS

    NO CAPPUCCINO MAKERS

    NO PEARLS, NO DIAMONDS

    NO “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

    CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE

    NO ROOM AT THE HOLIDAY INN, OH NO —

COPS:

    I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS

  • JUST LIKE THE ONES I USED TO KNOW

    JINGLE BELLS — PRISON CELLS

    FA LA LA LA — FA LA LA LA

    YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN

    SILENT NIGHT HOLY NIGHT

    FALL ON YOUR KNEES OH NIGHT DIVINE

    YOU’LL DO SOME TIME

    FA LA LA LA LA — FA LA LA LA LA

JUNKIES:

    GOT ANY C MAN? GOT ANY D MAN?

  • GOT ANY B MAN? GOT AN X? — CRACK?

    I’M WILLIN’ — I’M ILLIN’

    GOTTA GET MY SICKNESS OFF

    C – D HELP ME

    FOLLOW THE MAN FOLLOW THE MAN

    FOLLOW THE MAN

    JUGIE BOOGIE — JUGIE BOOGIE

    FOLLOW THE MAN FOLLOW THE MAN

    ANY CRACK, ANY X, ANY JUGIE BOOGIE BOY

    ANY BLOW, ANY X, ANY JUGIE BOOGIE BOY

    GOT ANY D MAN, GOT ANY C MAN

    GOT ANY CRACK, ANY X, ANY JUGIE BOOGIE?

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY FIVE

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY FIVE

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY FIVE

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    NO WAY — TWENTY FOUR

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY FOUR

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY FOUR

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    NOT TODAY — TWENTY THREE

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY THREE

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY THREE

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN — IT’S OLD

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY TWO

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    TWENTY ONE

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    SEVENTEEN

ANGEL:

    FIFTEEN

COAT VENDOR:

    FIFTEEN

ANGEL & COAT VENDOR:

    SOLD!

MARK & ROGER:

    LET’S GO TO THE LOT — MAUREEN’S PERFORMING

MIMI:

    WHO’S MAUREEN?

ROGER:

    HIS EX

MARK:

    BUT I AM OVER HER

ROGER:

    LET’S NOT HOLD HANDS YET

MIMI:

    IS THAT A WARNING?

ALL THREE:

    HE/YOU/I JUST NEED(S) TO TAKE IT SLOW

  • I SHOULD TELL YOU I SHOULD TELL YOU

    I SHOULD TELL YOU I SHOULD TELL YOU

    I SHOULD TELL YOU I…

ALL:

    AND IT’S BEGINNING TO

  • AND IT’S BEGINNING TO

    AND IT’S BEGINNING TO…

MAUREEN:

    Joanne, which way to the stage?

ALL:

    SNOW!!!

OVER THE MOON (The Lot)

MARK:

  • Maureen’s performance

MAUREEN:

    LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM.

  • I FOUND MYSELF IN A DESERT CALLED CYBERLAND. IT WAS HOT.

    MY CANTEEN HAD SPRUNG A LEAK AND I WAS THIRSTY.

    OUT OF THE ABYSS WALKED A COW — ELSIE. I ASKED IF SHE HAD ANYTHING TO DRINK.

    SHE SAID, “I’M FORBIDDEN TO PRODUCE MILK. IN CYBERLAND, WE ONLY DRINK DIET COKE.”

    SHE SAID, “ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP OVER THE MOON”

    “THEY’VE CLOSED EVERYTHING REAL DOWN…LIKE BARNS, TROUGHS,

    PERFORMANCE SPACES…

    AND REPLACED IT ALL WITH LIES AND RULES AND VIRTUAL LIFE. BUT THERE IS A WAY OUT…”

BACKUPS:

    LEAP OF FAITH LEAP OF FAITH

  • LEAP OF FAITH LEAP OF FAITH

MAUREEN:

    “ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP OVER THE MOON”

  • I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE! IT’S LIKE I’M BEING TIED TO THE HOOD OF A

    YELLOW RENTAL TRUCK, BEING PACKED IN WITH FERTILIZER AND FUEL OIL,

    PUSHED OVER A CLIFF BY A SUICIDAL MICKEY MOUSE! — I’VE GOTTA FIND A WAY

    TO JUMP OVER THE MOON

    “ONLY THING TO DO IS

    JUMP OVER THE MOON”

    THEN A LITTLE BULLDOG ENTERED. HIS NAME (WE HAVE LEARNED) WAS BENNY.

    AND ALTHOUGH HE ONCE HAD PRINCIPLES, HE ABANDONED THEM TO LIVE AS A LAP DOG TO A WEALTHY DAUGHTER OF THE REVOLUTION.

    “THAT’S BULL,” HE SAID. “EVER SINCE THE CAT TOOK UP THE FIDDLE, THAT COW’S BEEN JUMPY.

    AND THE DISH AND SPOON WERE EVICTED FROM THE TABLE–AND ELOPED…

    SHE’S HAD TROUBLE WITH THAT MILK AND THE MOON EVER SINCE. MAYBE IT’S A FEMALE THING.

    ‘CAUSE WHO’D WANT TO LEAVE CYBERLAND ANYWAY?…WALLS AIN’T SO BAD.

    THE DISH AND SPOON FOR INSTANCE. THEY WERE DOWN ON THEIR LUCK — KNOCKED ON MY DOGHOUSE DOOR.

    I SAID, “NOT IN MY BACKYARD, UTENSILS! GO BACK TO CHINA!”

    “THE ONLY WAY OUT IS UP,” ELSIE WHISPERED TO ME. “A LEAP OF FAITH.

    STILL THIRSTY?” SHE ASKED. PARCHED. “HAVE SOME MILK.”

    I LOWERED MYSELF BENEATH HER AND HELD MY MOUTH TO HER SWOLLEN UDDER AND SUCKED THE SWEETEST MILK I’D EVER TASTED.

    “CLIMB ON BOARD,” SHE SAID. AND AS A HARVEST MOON ROSE OVER CYBERLAND,
    WE REARED BACK AND SPRANG INTO A GALLOP. LEAPING OUT OF ORBIT!!!

    I AWOKE SINGING

    ONLY THING TO DO

    ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP

    ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP OVER THE MOON

    ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP OVER THE MOON

    OVER THE MOON — OVER THE

    MOOOOOOOO

    MOOOOOOOO

    MOOOOOOOO

    MOOOOOOOO

    MOO WITH ME

    Thank you.

LA VIE BOHEME (Life Café)

RESTAURANT MAN:

    NO PLEASE NO

  • NOT TONIGHT PLEASE NO

    MISTER — CAN’T YOU GO

    NOT TONIGHT — CAN’T HAVE A SCENE

ROGER:

    WHAT?

RESTAURANT MAN:

    GO, PLEASE, GO;

  • YOU — HELLO, SIR–

    I SAID NO

    IMPORTANT CUSTOMER

MARK:

    WHAT AM I — JUST A BLUR?

RESTAURANT MAN:

    YOU SIT ALL NIGHT — YOU NEVER BUY!

MARK:

    THAT’S A LIE — THAT’S A LIE

  • I HAD A TEA THE OTHER DAY

RESTAURANT MAN:

    YOU COULDN’T PAY!

MARK:

    OH YEAH

COLLINS:

    BENJAMIN COFFIN III — HERE?

RESTAURANT MAN:

    OH NO!

ALL:

    WINE AND BEER!

MAUREEN:

    THE ENEMY OF AVENUE A — WE’LL STAY

RESTAURANT MAN:

    OIY VEY!

COLLINS:

    WHAT BRINGS A MOGUL IN HIS OWN MIND TO THE LIFE CAFE?

BENNY:

    I WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST

  • TO MAUREEN’S NOBLE TRY — IT WENT WELL

MAUREEN:

    GO TO HELL

BENNY:

    WAS THE YUPPY SCUM STOMPED?

  • NOT COUNTING THE HOMELESS HOW MANY TICKETS WEREN’T COMP’ED?

ROGER:

    WHY DID MUFFY —

BENNY:

    ALISON

ROGER:

    MISS THE SHOW?

BENNY:

    THERE WAS A DEATH IN THE FAMILY IF YOU MUST KNOW

ANGEL:

    WHO DIED?

BENNY:

    OUR AKITA

BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS:

    EVITA

BENNY:

    MIMI — I’M SURPRISED

  • A BRIGHT AND CHARMING GIRL LIKE YOU

    HANGS OUT WITH THESE SLACKERS

    (WHO DON’T ADHERE TO DEALS)

    THEY MAKE FUN — YET I AM THE ONE

    ATTEMPTING TO DO SOME GOOD

    OR DO YOU REALLY WANT A NEIGHBOURHOOD

    WHERE PEOPLE PISS ON YOUR STOOP EVERY NIGHT?

    BOHEMIA, BOHEMIA’S A FALLACY IN YOUR HEAD

    THIS IS CALCUTTA — BOHEMIA IS DEAD

MARK:

    DEARLY BELOVED WE GATHER HERE TO SAY OUR GOODBYES

COLLINS & ROGER:

    DIES IRAE — DIES ILLA

  • KYRIE ELEISON

    YITGADAL V’ YITKADASH (ETC.)

MARK:

    HERE SHE LIES

  • NO ONE KNEW HER WORTH

    THE LATE GREAT DAUGHTER OF MOTHER EARTH

    ON THIS NIGHT WHEN WE CELEBRATE THE BIRTH

    IN THAT LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM

    WE RAISE OUR GLASS — YOU BET YOUR ASS TO —

    LA VIE BOHEME

ALL:

    LA VIE BOHEME

  • LA VIE BOHEME

    LA VIE BOHEME

    LA VIE BOHEME

MARK:

    TO DAYS OF INSPIRATION

  • PLAYING HOOKEY, MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING

    THE NEED TO EXPRESS — TO COMMUNICATE

    TO GOING AGAINST THE GRAIN

    GOING INSANE, GOING MAD

    TO LOVING TENSION, NO PENSION

    TO MORE THAN ONE DIMENSION

    TO STARVING FOR ATTENTION

    HATING CONVENTION, HATING PRETENSION

    NOT TO MENTION OF COURSE HATING DEAR OLD MOM AND DAD

    TO RIDING YOUR BIKE, MIDDAY PAST THE THREE PIECE SUITS —

    TO FRUITS — TO NO ABSOLUTES — TO ABOLUT — TO CHOICE

    TO THE VILLAGE VOICE — TO ANY PASSING FAD

    TO BEING AN US — FOR ONCE — INSTEAD OF A THEM

ALL:

    LA VIE BOHEME

  • LA VIE BOHEME

MAUREEN:

    IS THE EQUIPMENT IN A PYRAMID?

JOANNE:

    IT IS, MAUREEN

MAUREEN:

    THE MIXER DOESN’T HAVE A CASE

  • DON’T GIVE ME THAT FACE

MR. GREY:

    AHHEMM

MAUREEN:

    HEY MISTER — SHE’S MY SISTER

RESTAURANT MAN:

    SO THAT’S FIVE MISO SOUP, FOUR SEAWEED SALAD

  • THREE SOY BURGER DINNER, TWO TOFU DOG PLATTER

    AND ONE PASTA WITH MEATLESS BALLS

BOY:

    UGH

COLLINS:

    IT TASTES THE SAME

MIMI:

    IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES

RESTAURANT MAN:

    AND THIRTEEN ORDERS OF FRIES

  • IS THAT IT HERE?

ALL:

    WINE AND BEER!

MIMI & ANGEL:

    TO HAND-CRAFTED BEERS MADE IN LOCAL BREWERIES

  • TO YOGA, TO YOGURT, TO RICE AND BEANS AND CHEESE

    TO LEATHER, TO DILDOS, TO CURRY VINDALOO

    TO HOOVES RANCHERS AND MAYA ANGELO

MAUREEN & COLLINS:

    EMOTION, DEVOTION, TO CAUSING A COMMOTION

  • CREATION, VACATION

MARK:

    MUCH MASTURBATION

MAUREEN & COLLINS:

    COMPASSION, TO FASHION, TO PASSION WHEN IT’S NEW

COLLINS:

    TO SON TAG

ANGEL:

    TO SONDHEIM

FOUR PEOPLE:

    TO ANYTHING TABOO

COLLINS & ROGER:

    GINSBERG, DYLAN, CUNNINGHAM AND CAGE

COLLINS:

    LENNY BRUCE

ROGER:

    LANGSTON HUGHES

MAUREEN:

    TO THE STAGE

PERSON #1:

    TO USA

PERSON #2:

    TO BUDDHA

PERSON #3:

    PABLO NERD, TOO

MARK & MIMI:

    WHY DOROTHY AND TOT WENT OVER THE RAINBOW

  • TO BLOW OFF AUNTIE EM

ALL:

    LA VIE BOHEME

MAUREEN:

    AND WIPE THE SPEAKERS OFF BEFORE YOU PACK

JOANNE:

    YES, MAUREEN

MAUREEN:

    WELL — HURRY BACK

MR. GREY:

    SISTER?

MAUREEN:

    WE’RE CLOSE

ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY:

    BROTHERS!

MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS:

    BISEXUALS, TRISEXUALS, HOME SAPIENS

  • CARCINOGENS, HALLUCINOGENS, MEN

    PEE WEE HERMAN

    GERMAN WINE, TURPENTINE, GERTRUDE STEIN

    ANTOINOINI, BERTOLUCCI, QUERIES, CARMINE BYRON

ALL:

    TO APATHY, TO ENTROPY, TO EMPATHY, ECSTASY

  • VACLAV HOVEL — THE SEX PISTOLS, AB

    TO NO SHAME — NEVER PLAYING THE FAME GAME

COLLINS:

    TO MARIJUANA

ALL:

    TO SODOMY — IT’S BETWEEN GOD AND ME, TO S & M

BENNY:

    WAITER…WAITER…WAITER…

ALL:

    LA VIE BOHEME

COLLINS:

    In honor of the death of Bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner… Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap willperform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.

ROGER:

    Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.

MARK:

    Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the 11thStreet lot, will sing native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello, which she has never studied.

BENNY:

    YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT US?

MIMI:

    THERE’S NOTHING TO KNOW

BENNY:

    DON’T YOU THINK THAT WE SHOULD DISCUSS?

MIMI:

    IT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO

BENNY:

    HE DOESN’T ACT LIKE HE’S WITH YOU

MIMI:

    WE’RE TAKING IT SLOW

BENNY:

    WHERE IS HE NOW?

MIMI:

    HE’S RIGHT — HMM

BENNY:

    UH HUH

MIMI:

    WHERE’D HE GO?

MARK:

    Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet evocative song.

  • (Roger picks up a guitar and plays)

    That doesn’t remind us of Muzetta’s waltz.

COLLINS:

    Angel Dumott-Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub

ANGEL:

    And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist — including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words —

ALL:

    ACTUAL REALITY — ACT UP — FIGHT AIDS!

BENNY:

    CHECK!!

MIMI:

    EXCUSE ME, DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

  • I GET INVITED — THEN IGNORED — ALL NIGHT LONG!

ROGER:

    I’VE BEEN TRYING — I’M NOT LYING

  • NO ONE’S PERFECT. I’VE GOT BAGGAGE

MIMI:

    LIFE’S TOO SHORT, BABE — TIME IS FLYING

  • I’M LOOKING FOR BAGGAGE THAT GOES WITH MINE

ROGER:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU —

MIMI:

    I’VE GOT BAGGAGE TOO

ROGER:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU —

MIMI:

    BAGGAGE, WINE —

OTHERS:

    AND BEER!

MIMI:

    AZT BREAK

ROGER:

    YOU?

MIMI:

    ME. YOU?

ROGER:

    MIMI

I SHOULD TELL YOU

ROGER:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU I’M DISASTER

  • I FORGET HOW TO BEGIN IT

MIMI:

    LET’S JUST MAKE THIS PART GO FASTER

  • I HAVE YET TO BE IN IT — I SHOULD TELL YOU

ROGER:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU

MIMI:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU

ROGER:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU

MIMI:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU I BLEW THE CANDLE OUT JUST TO GET BACK IN

ROGER:

    I’D FORGOTTEN HOW TO SMILE UNTIL YOUR CANDLE BURNED MY SKIN

MIMI:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU

ROGER:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU

MIMI:

    I SHOULD TELL YOU

BOTH:

    I SHOULD TELL

  • WELL, HERE WE GO

    NOW WE —

MIMI:

    OH NO

ROGER:

    I KNOW — THIS SOMETHING IS — HERE GOES —

MIMI:

    HERE GOES

ROGER:

    GUESS SO — IT’S STARTING TO — WHO KNOWS —

MIMI:

    WHO KNOWS

BOTH:

    WHO KNOWS WHERE

  • WHO GOES THERE

    WHO KNOWS

    HERE GOES

    TRUSTING DESIRE — STARTING TO LEARN

    WALKING THROUGH FIRE WITHOUT A BURN

    CLINGING — A SHOULDER, A LEAP BEGINS

    STINGING AND OLDER, ASLEEP ON PINS

    SO HERE WE GO — NOW WE —

ROGER:

    OH NO

MIMI:

    I KNOW

ROGER:

    OH NO

BOTH:

    WHO KNOWS WHERE — WHO GOES THERE

  • HERE GOES — HERE GOES

    HERE GOES — HERE GOES

    HERE GOES — HERE GOES

LA VIE BOHEME B

MAUREEN:

    Are we packed?

JOANNE:

    Yes. And my next week I want you to be

MAUREEN:

    Pookie?

JOANNE:

    AND YOU SHOULD KNOW

  • THEY’VE PADLOCKED YOUR BUILDING

    AND THEY’RE RIOTING ON AVENUE B

    BENNY CALLED THE COPS

MAUREEN:

    THAT FUCK!

JOANNE:

    THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING

  • THE COPS ARE SWEEPING THE LOT

    BUT NO ONE’S LEAVING

    THEY’RE JUST SITTING THERE, MOOING!

ALL:

    YEAH!

  • TO DANCE

A GIRL:

    NO WAY TO MAKE A LIVING, MASOCHISM, PAIN, PERFECTION

  • MUSCLE SPASM, CHIROPRACTORS,

    SHORT CAREERS, EATING DISORDERS

ALL:

    FILM

MARK:

    ADVENTURE, TEDIUM, NO FAMILY, BORING LOCATIONS

  • DARK ROOMS, PERFECT FACES, EGOS

    MONEY, HOLLYWOOD AND SLEAZE

ALL:

    MUSIC

ANGEL:

    FOOD OF LOVE, EMOTION, MATHEMATICS, ISOLATION

  • RHYTHM, FEELING, POWER, HARMONY AND HEAVY COMPETITION

ALL:

    ANARCHY

COLLINS & MAUREEN:

    REVOLUTION, JUSTICE, SCREAMING FOR SOLUTIONS

  • FORCING CHANGES, RISK AND DANGER

    MAKING NOISE AND MAKING PLEASE

ALL:

    TO FAGGOTS, LEZZIES, DYKES, CROSS DRESSERS TOO

MAUREEN:

    TO ME

MARK:

    TO ME

COLLINS & ANGEL:

    TO ME

ALL:

    TO YOU, AND YOU AND YOU, YOU AND YOU

  • TO PEOPLE LIVING WITH, LIVING WITH, LIVING WITH

    NOT DYING FROM DISEASE

    LET HE AMONG US WITHOUT SIN

    BE THE FIRST TO CONDEMN

    LA VIE BOHEME

    LA VIE BOHEME

    LA VIE BOHEME

MARK:

    EVERYONE OUT OF THE MAINSTREAM

  • IS ANYONE IN THE MAINSTREAM

    ANYONE ALIVE — WITH A SEX DRIVE

    TEAR DOWN THE WALL — AREN’T WE ALL

    THE OPPOSITE OF WAR ISN’T PEACE

    IT’S CREATION

ALL:

    LA VIE BOHEME

  • LA VIE BOHEME

    LA VIE BOHEME

ALL:

    LA VIE BOHEME

MARK:

  • The riot continues.

    The Christmas tree goes up in flames.

    The snow dances.

    Oblivious, Mimi and Roger exchange a small, lovely kiss.

ALL:

    VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!

END OF ACT ONE

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