1.OVERTURE
Orchestra
2.WHY CAN’T THE ENGLISH?
HIGGINS
Look at her: a prisoner of the gutters,
Condemned by every syllable she utters,
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
ELIZA
Ah-ah-aw-aw-oo-oo!
HIGGINS
“Ah-ah-aw-aw-oo-oo” Heavens! what a sound!
HIGGINS
This is what the British population,
Calls an elementary education.
PICKERING
Come, sir; I think you picked a poor example.
HIGGINS
Did I…?
HIGGINS
Hear them down in Soho Square,
Dropping “h”s everywhere,
Speaking English anyway they like.
You sir: did you go to school?
A BYSTANDER
What d’ya tike me faw, a fool?
HIGGINS
Well, no one taught him “take” instead if “tike”.
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse;
They’d rather hear a choir singing flat.
Chickens, cackling in a barn;
Just like this one.
ELIZA
Garn!
HIGGINS
“Garn”-I ask you, sir: what sort of word is that?
HIGGINS
It’s “ow” and “garn” that keep her in her place,
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.
Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction, by now, should be antique.
If you spoke as she does, sir, instead of the way you do,
Why you might be selling flowers too.
PICKERING
I beg your pardon.
HIGGINS
An Englishman’s way of speaking absolutely classifies him.
The moment he talks, he makes some other Englishman despise him.
One common language I’m afraid we’ll never get.
Oh why can’t the English learn to-
Set a good example to people, who’s English, is painful to your ears.
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears!
There are even places where English completely disappears,
Why, in America they haven’t used it for years.
Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks are taught their Greek.
In France every Frenchman knows his language from “A” to “Zed”-
But the French don’t care what they do, actually, so long as they
pronounce it properly.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning.
The Hebrews learn it backwards which is absolutely frightening.
Use proper English, you’re regarded as a freak.
Oh why can’t the English-
Why can’t the English learn to speak?
3.WOULDN’T IT BE LOVERLY
COCKNEY 3
It’s rather dull in town,
I think I’ll take me to Paree.
CHORUS
Mmmm-mmm.
COCKNEY 1
The missus wants to open up the castle in Capri.
CHORUS
Mmmm-mmm.
COCKNEY 2
Me doctor recommends a quiet summer by the sea.
CHORUS
Mmmm-mmm.
Mmmm-mmm.
Wouldn’t it be loverly?
ELIZA
All I want is a room somewhere;
Far away from the cold night air.
With one enormous chair;
Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?
Lots of choc’late for me to eat;
Lots of coal makin’ lots of heat;
Warm face, warm hands, warm feet,
Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?
Oh, so loverly sittin’ abso-bloomin’lutely still!
I would never budge ’till Spring crep over me winder sill.
Someone’s head restin’ on my knee;
Warm and tender as he can be,
Who takes good care of me;
Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?
Loverly, loverly,
loverly, loverly.
CHORUS
All I want is a room somewhere;
Far away from the cold night air.
With one enormous chair;
ELIZA
Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?
Lots of choc’late for me to eat;
Lots of coal makin’ lots of heat;
Warm face, warm hands, warm feet,
Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?
Oh, so loverly sittin’ abso-bloomin’lutely still!
I would never budge ’till Spring crep over me winder sill.
Someone’s head restin’ on my knee;
Warm and tender as he can be,
Who takes good care of me;
Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?
CHORUS
Loverly,
ELIZA
Loverly,
CHORUS
Loverly.
ELIZA
Oh wouldn’t it be loverly?
CHORUS
Loverly,
ELIZA
Loverly,
CHORUS
Loverly.
Wouldn’t it be loverly?
4.WITH A LITTLE BIT OF LUCK
DOOLITTLE
The Lord above gave man an arm of iron,
So he could do his job and never shirk.
The Lord above gave man an arm of iron but
With a little bit o’ luck,
With a little bit o’ luck,
Someone else’ll do the blinkin’ work!
THE THREE.
With a little bit…with a little bit…
With a little bit o’ luck you’ll never work.
DOOLITTLE
The Lord above made liquor for temptation,
To see if man could turn away from sin.
The Lord above made liquor for temptation but
With a little bit o’ luck
With a little bit o’ luck,
When temptation comes you’ll give right in!
THE THREE
With a little bit…with a little bit…
With a little bit o’ luck you’ll give right in.
DOOLITTLE
Oh you can walk the straight and narrow
But with a little bit o’ luck you’ll run amuck.
The gentle sex was made for man to marry,
To share his nest and see his food is cooked.
The gentle sex was made for man to marry but
With a little bit o’ luck,
With a little bit o’ luck,
You can it have it all and not get hooked!
THE THREE
With a little bit…with a little bit…
With a little bit o’ luck you won’t get home.
With a little bit…with a little bit…
With a little bit o’ bloomin’ luck.
DOOLITTLE
The Lord above made man to help is neighbor,
No matter where, on land, or sea, or foam.
The Lord above made man to help his neighbor-but
With a little bit o’ luck
With a little bit o’ luck,
When he comes around you won’t be home!
THE THREE
With a little bit…with a little bit…
With a little bit of luck you won’t be home.
DOOLITTLE
They’re always throwin goodness at you,
But with a little bit o’ luck a man can duck.
Oh, it’s a crime for man to go philandrin
And fill his wife’s poor heart with grief and doubt.
Oh, it’s a crime for man to go philanderin’-but
With a little bit o’ luck,
With a little bit o’ luck,
You can see the bloodhound don’t find out!
THE THREE
A mas made to help support his children,
Which is the right and proper thing to do
A mas made to help support his children-but
With a little bit o’ luck,
With a little bit o’ luck,
They’ll go out and starts supporting you
THE THREE
With a little bit…with a little bit…
With a little bit of luck they’ll work for you!
He doesn’t have a tuppence in his pocket.
The poorest bloke you’ll ever hope to meet.
He doesn’t have a tuppence in his pocket-but
With a little bit o’ luck,
With a little bit o’ luck,
He’ll be movin’ up to easy street.
With a little bit…with a little bit…
With a little bit o’ you won’t be home.
With a little bit…with a little bit…
With a little bit o’ bloomin’ luck.
5.I’M AN ORDINARY MAN
HIGGINS
[Spoken]
I find that the moment I let any woman make friends
with me, she becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious,
and a damned nuisance. And I find that the moment
that I make friends with a woman, I become selfish
and tyrannical. So here I am, a confirmed old bachelor,
and likely to remain so.
[Sung]
Well after all, Pickering,
I’m an ordinary man,
who desires nothing more than just an ordinary chance,
to live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants…
An average man am I, of no eccentric whim,
Who likes to live his life, free of strife,
doing whatever he thinks is best for him,
Well… just an ordinary man…
BUT, let a woman in your life
and your serenity if through,
she’ll redecorate your home,
from the cellar to the dome,
and then go to the enthralling fun of overhauling you…
Let a woman in your life,
and you’re up against a wall,
make a plan and you will find,
she has something else in mind,
and so rather than do either you do
something else that neither likes at all.
You want to talk of Keats or Milton,
she only wants to talk of love,
You go to see a play or ballet,
and spend it searching for her glove,
Let a woman in your life
and you invite eternal strife,
Let them buy their wedding bands
for those anxious little hands…
I’d be equally as willing
for a dentist to be drilling
than to ever let a woman in my life.
I’m a very gentle man,
even-tempered and good-natured whom you never hear complain,
Who has the milk of human kindness by the quart in every vein,
A patient man am I, down to my fingertips,
The sort who never could, never would,
let an insulting remark escape his lips.
A very gentle man.
BUT, let a woman in your life,
and patience hasn’t got a chance.
She will beg you for advice,
your reply will be concise,
and she’ll listen very nicely,
and go out and do precisely what she wants!
You are a man of grace and polish
who never spoke above a hush,
now all at once you’re using language
that would a sailor blush,
Let a woman in your life,
and you’re plunging in a knife,
Let the others of my sex,
tie the knot around their necks,
I’d prefer a new edition of the Spanish Inquisition
than to ever let a woman in my life.
I’m a quiet living man,
who prefers to spend the evenings in the silence of his room,
who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb,
A pensive man am I, of philosophic joys,
who likes to meditate, comtemplate,
free from humanity’s mad inhuman noise,
A quiet living man.
BUT, let a woman in your life,
and your sabbatical is through,
in a line that never ends
come an army of her friends,
come to jabber, and to chatter,
and to tell her what the matter is with YOU!
She’ll have a booming boisterous family,
who will descend on you en mass,
She’ll have a large wagnerian mother,
with a voice that shatters glass.
Let a woman in your life, let a woman in your life,
I shall never let a woman in my life.
6.JUST YOU WAIT
ELIZA
Just you wait ‘enry ‘iggins, just you wait!
You’ll be sorry, but your tears’ll be too late!
You’ll be broke and I’ll have money;
Will I help you? Don’t be funny!
Just you wait, ‘enry ‘iggins, just you wait!
Just you wait ‘enry ‘iggins, till you’re sick,
And you screams to fetch a doctor double quick!
I’ll be off a second later,
And go straight to the the-atre!
Ah-ha-ha, ‘enry ‘iggins,
Just you wait!
Oooooh, ‘enry ‘iggins!
Just you wait until we’re swimmin’ in the sea!
Oooooh, ‘enry ‘iggins!
And you get a cramp a little ways from me!
When you yell you’re gonna drown,
I’ll get dressed and go to town!
Oh-ho-ho, ‘enry ‘iggins,
Oh-ho-ho, ‘enry ‘iggins,
Just you wait!
One day I’ll be famous!
I’ll be proper and prim!
Go to Saint James so often I will call it Saint Jim.
One evening the King will say,
“Oh Liza, old thing,
I want all of England your praises to sing.”
KING
“Next week, on the twentieth of May,
I proclaim Liza Doolittle Day!
All the people will celebrate the glory of you,
And whatever you wish and want
I gladly will do.”
ELIZA
“Thanks a lot, King,” says I, in a manner wellbred;
“But all I want is ‘enry ‘iggins ‘ead!”
KING
“Done,”
ELIZA
says the King, with a stroke.
KING
“Guards, run and bring in the bloke!”
ELIZA
Then they’ll march you, ‘enry ‘iggins, to the wall;
And the king will tell me:
KING
“Liza, sound the call.”
ELIZA
As they raise their rifles higher,
I’ll shout: “Ready! Aim! Fire!”
Oh-ho-ho, ‘enry ‘iggins,
Down you’ll go! ‘enry ‘iggins!
Just you wait!
7.SERVANTS’ CHORUS
SERVANTS’ CHORUS
Quit, Professor Higgins,
Quit, Professor Higgins.
Hear our plea or payday we will
Quit, Professor Higgins.
“A”, not “I”, “O” not “Ow”,
Pounding, pounding in our brain,
“A”, not “I”, “O” not “Ow”,
Don’t say “Rine” say “Rain”.
8.THE RAIN IN SPAIN
HIGGINS
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
ELIZA
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
HIGGINS
Again.
ELIZA
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.
HIGGINS
I think she’s got it, I think she’s got it.
ELIZA
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
HIGGINS
By George she’s got it!
By George she’s got it!
Now once again: where does it rain?
ELIZA
On the plain! On the plain!
HIGGINS
And where’s that soggy plain?
ELIZA
In Spain! In Spain!
THE THREE
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
HIGGINS
In Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire…?
ELIZA
Hurricanes hardly happen.
HIGGINS
“How kind of you to let me come”
ELIZA
How kind of you to let me come.
HIGGINS
Now once again: where does it rain?
ELIZA
On the plain! On the plain!
HIGGINS
And where’s that blasted plain?
ELIZA
In Spain! In Spain!
THE THREE
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!
Ole! ole!
Ole!
9.I COULD HAVE DANCED ALL NIGHT
ELIZA
Bed, bed, I couldn’t go to bed.
My head’s too light to try to set it down.
Sleep, sleep, I couldn’t sleep tonight,
Not for all the jewels in the crown.
I could have danced all night,
I could have danced all night,
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I’ve never done before.
I’ll never know what made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when he began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced all night!
SERVANT 1
It’s after three now.
SERVANT 2
Don’t you agree now,
SERVANT 1 & 2
She ought to be in bed.
[ELIZA and the maids sing as
they prepare ELIZA for bed.]
ELIZA MAIDS
I could have danced all night, You’re tired out, you must be dead.
I could have danced all night, Your face is drawn, your eyes are red.
And still have begged for more. Now say goodnight; please turn out the light;
please, it’s really time for you to be in bed.
I could have spread my wings, Do come along, do as you’re told
And done a thousand things Or Mrs. Pearce is apt to scold.
I’ve never done before. You’re up too late; please, in your state,
Miss, you’ll catch a cold.
I’ll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when he Put down your book, the work will keep;
Began to dance with me Now settle down and go to sleep.
I could have danced,
Danced, danced all night!
MRS. PEARCE
I understand, dear.
It’s all been grand, dear.
But now it’s time to sleep.
ELIZA
I could have danced all night,
I could have danced all night,
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my wings,
And done a thousand things
I’ve never done before.
I’ll never know
What made it so exciting
Why all at once my heart took flight.
I only know when he
Began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced
All night!