Something Funny’s Going On (Reprise)
All
Something funny’s going on
Now the plot is moving faster
Harry
With a hero on the run
Rita
And a woman with a gun
Annabel
And an ending with a twist
Vinnie
And a brother who is pissed
All
And a possible disaster
Now the already gone
And the intermission’s through
Something funny’s going on…
Act Two!
Him, Them, It, Her
Harry
Someone’s taken Uncle! Oh my god, who could have taken him?
Annabel
If we don’t find him, we both lose everything. Come on!
Harry
We’re looking for a sweet old man
Annabel
Very dignified
Harry
Wore a hat
Both
He’d be sitting in a wheelchair
Harry
Uncle’s gray-haired
Annabel
And he’s very quiet
Harry
Very, very quiet
Both
Uncle’s in an awful plight
Have you seen him
Rita
Them
Harry & Annabel
It
Vinnie
Her
All
Tonight
Rita
I’m looking for an English man
And his lady-friend
Him or her
Rita, Harry & Annabel
And an uncle in a wheelchair
Vinnie
Dark-haired woman
Armed and very crazy
Harry & Annabel
And we’re sick with worry
Rita
They were in a hurry
All
I’ve been looking left and right
Have you seen…
Harry
Him
Rita
Them
Annabel
It
Vinnie
Her
All
Tonight
If I don’t find
Harry
Him
Rita
Them
Annabel
It
Vinnie
Her
All
Soon
If I don’t find
Annabel
It
Harry
Him
Vinnie
Her
Rita
Them
All
Now
Harry
My chance of a lifetime will never come true
Annabel
The Home will be gone and my job will be gone too
Rita & Vinnie
My life will be over
All
There’s just one thing to do
I’m looking, keep looking, we’re looking
And looking, still looking, who’s looking
We’re looking for a…
Harry & Annabel
Sweet old man
Rita
English man
Harry & Annabel
Very dignified
Rita
Terrified
Rita, Harry & Annabel
Find an uncle in a wheelchair
All
Think of going
Rita
Back to face the music
Vinnie
Back to Rita’s husband
Annabel
Back to unemployment
Harry
Back to being nothing
All
I know the chance is slight
That I’ll find
Harry
Him
Rita
Them
Annabel
It
Vinnie
Her
Rita
It
Vinnie
Him
Harry
Her
Annabel
Them
All
Him, them, it, her
Tonight
Nice
Annabel
I have a toast to make.
It’s the first one I’ve ever made.
As long as it’s goodbye
And knowing this is it
I have a little something to admit
It was nice fighting you
Nice hating you
Nice knowing I was aggravating you
Amazing, but true
It was…
Harry & Annabel
Nice
Harry
You were impossible
Annabel
Unbearable
Both
My nerves were almost
Harry
Un-
Both
Repairable
But now that it’s through
It was nice
Annabel
From now on I’ll have no one
To ruin my day
Harry
A view won’t be a view
Without you in my way
Both
And no sleepless nights
No heart attacks
Harry
No need to bring along your battle axe
Both
No way I would do this twice
Harry
But once
Annabel
Just once
Both
It was nice
From now on I’ll have no one
To ruin my day
A view won’t be a view
Without you in my way
So nice knowing you
Nice meeting you
Nice knowing there’ll be no repeating you
And won’t life be paradise
So sane and calm and plain and much too nice
Welcome Back, Mr. Witherspoon
Postman
Telegram for a Mister Harry Witherspoon. Is he in?
Landlady
Oh, I’ll take it. I’m his landlady.
Guess who let a bloody fortune
Slip right through a crack
Mister Witherspoon
Got a telegram
All
And it says he’s coming back
Welcome back, Mr. Witherspoon
Mr. Witherspoon
No use in running away
Better pack, Mr. Witherspoon
Mr. Witherspoon
We always knew you’d be back someday
Boarder 2
Say goodbye to skies
Gloriously blue
Boarder 3
Gloriously sunny
Landlady
Lovely stew getting cold for you
Boarder 2
Say hello to rent
Always overdue
All
Say hello to shoe after shoe after shoe after shoe
After shoe
Welcome back, Mr. Witherspoon
Mr. Witherspoon
Nice to have you back
Rita
Give it back, Mr. Witherspoon
All
Mr. Witherspoon
Rita
Six million dollars or die
No more flack, Mr. Witherspoon
All
Mr. Witherspoon
Rita
Kiss your sweet uncle goodbye
Goodbye
Luigi
Harry, you’re a fool
Should have played it cool
I am your accuser
Harry, you’re a joke
Harry, now you’re broke
Harry, you’re a loser
Annabel
It was nice knowing you
Nice meeting you
Nice knowing that you lost your one and only chance
All
And now your uncle wants to dance
Welcome back, Mr. Witherspoon
Mr. Witherspoon
No use in running away
We always knew you’d be back
We always knew you’d be back
We always knew you’d be
Harry, we knew you’d be back someday
Harry
No!
All
Welcome back!
Confession #2/Fancy Meeting You Here (Reprise)
Rita
Alright, nobody move! And nobody say one word about these glasses. I look awful in ’em, don’t I? Shut up! Now, where is it?
Harry
Where is what?
Rita
The money! The diamonds. The heart-shaped box.
Annabel
Give it to her, Harry.
Rita
You have three seconds. One…two…
Luigi
You will please to drop the gun. Ciao, Harry. I thought you might need a little assistance.
Harry
Thank God, Luigi!
Tony
Not exactly.
Harry
Who are you?
Tony
I’m your uncle, kid. I’m Tony Hendon. I’ve been keepin’ an eye on you.
Rita
Jesus, Tony! I thought you were dead! And here you are, in an Arab outfit with an Italian accent. You look good.
Harry
You’re my uncle?
Annabel
Then…who’s that?
Tony
Luigi Gaudi. A dear old friend who was killed in my own apartment in my own bed.
He was staying at my place
The others
At your place
Tony
For the night
Knowing him, he had a woman
Rita
Woman
Tony
Woman
I came home at five in the morning
He lay near death
So I held in my arms
The others
In your arms
Tony
In my arms
Thinking someone tried to shoot me
Rita
Scare you
Tony
Shoot me
Instead someone murdered my buddy
And lying there battered and bloody
With his last breath, he whispered
I’ve gotta go to Monte Carlo
Tony, I’ll tell you why
Got the reservations made
It’s all arranged and it’s all paid
And I was hoping to get laid
And Tony…
I knew the bullet that killed Luigi was meant for me. I owed the guy. So I made arrangments for my friend to have the vacation of his dreams. I made tapes of everything he wanted to see and do, and then I left it all to you, Harry. Temporarily, of course. Now look, you’ve still got Luigi’s infallible system for roulette, and the rest of the week all paid in advance. That’s not bad, eh kid? And as for you, Rita…
Rita
Okay, okay. I know I killed your best friend. Accidentally! Well, you took those diamonds and you ran out on me. Can’t we call it even? We’re in Europe, like we planned, with the money, and we got the rest of our lives ahead of us! Yes!
I can be forgiving
It’s us I’m thinking of
Think what we could do here
Tony
We could start anew here
Rita
Fancing meeting you here
Tony
Both
My love
Finale: Good to be Alive
Harry
Do you think anyone else is coming through that door?
Annabel
I hope not.
Harry
I’ll just lock it then, shall I?
Annabel
That would be a wonderful idea.
Harry
Miss Glick…
Annabel
Annabel.
Harry
Annabel. You know this week is paid in advance.
Annabel
Yes.
Harry
And I’ve got plenty of pocket money, and my uncle’s infallible system for roulette.
Annabel
Yes.
Harry
Well, I thought, perhaps you…I mean, we…could…
What I’m trying to say is…
Why don’t you stay?
Annabel
You mean, stay here for an entire week, sightseeing and gambling and…
Harry
You might win something for the dogs!
Annabel
Yes, but there are only so many hours in a person’s life. To spend a week just enjoying oneself…well, I don’t know, I mean, there are certain things that take priority over personal pleasure, and responsibility…
Harry
You can see the sun
Shining on the sea
Annabel
I’m not what’d you call a spontaneous person or anything, you know…
Harry
What a lovely sea
Wouldn’t you agree?
Annabel
I have no sense of humour. And I’m not fun to be around in the morning, really
Harry
Lovely little boats
Waiting at the shore
We could learn to use them
Annabel
I can’t swim. I can’t even doggy paddle
Harry
Seagulls in the sky
People passing by
Worlds of things to try
How can you refuse them?
Annabel
I do like seagulls.
Harry
Why not take a chance?
Why not go for broke?
We’ll sail out to sea
Who knows what we’ll learn
Or when we’ll return
Lucky, aren’t we?
It’s all strange
Annabel
And all so new
Both
And also strangely overdue
But somehow being here with you
I know that I’ll survive
Oh, it’s good to be alive