TOO DARN HOT
PAUL:
It’s too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot.
I’d like to sup with my baby tonight,
And play the pup with my baby tonight.
I’d like to sup with my baby tonight,
And play the pup with my baby tonight,
But I ain’t up to my baby tonight,
‘Cause it’s too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
It’s too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot.
PAUL:
I’d like to stop for my baby tonight,
And blow my top with my baby tonight.
I’d like to stop for my baby tonight,
And blow my top with my baby tonight,
But I’d be a flop with baby tonight,
‘Cause it’s too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
It’s too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot.
PAUL:
I’d like to fool with my baby tonight,
Break ev’ry rule with my baby tonight.
PAUL AND BOYS:
I’d like to fool with my baby tonight,
Break ev’ry rule with my baby tonight,
PAUL:
But, pillow, you’ll be my baby tonight,
‘Cause it’s too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
According to the Kinsey Report
Ev’ry average man you know
Much prefers to play his favorite sport
When the temperature is low,
But when the thermometer goes ‘way up
And the weather is sizzling hot,
PAUL:
Mister Adam
For his madam.
Is not,
PAUL AND BOYS:
‘Cause it’s too, too
Too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot.
PAUL:
It’s too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot.
I’d like to call on my baby tonight,
And give my all to my baby tonight.
PAUL AND BOYS:
I’d like to call on my baby tonight,
And give my all to my baby tonight.
PAUL:
But I can’t play ball with baby tonight,
‘Cause it’s too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
It’s too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot.
PAUL:
I’d like to meet with my baby tonight,
Get off my feet, mm, with my baby tonight.
PAUL AND BOYS:
I’d like to meet with my baby tonight,
Get off my feet with my baby tonight.
PAUL:
But no repeat with baby tonight,
‘Cause it’s too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
It’s too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot.
PAUL:
I’d like to coo to my baby tonight,
And pitch the woo with my baby tonight.
PAUL AND BOYS:
I’d like to coo to my baby tonight,
And pitch the woo with my baby tonight.
PAUL:
But, pillow, you’ll be my baby tonight,
‘Cause it’s too darn hot.
PAUL AND BOYS:
According to the Kinsey Report
Ev’ry average man you know
Much prefer to play his favorite sport
When the temperature is low,
But when the thermometer goes ‘way up
And the weather is sizzling hot,
PAUL:
Mister Gob
For his squab.
A marine,
For his queen.
A G.I.
For his cutie-pie
Is not,
PAUL AND BOYS:
‘Cause it’s too, too
Too darn hot,
It’s too darn hot,
It’s too, too, too, too darn hot.
WHERE IS THE LIFE THAT LATE I LED?
PETRUCHIO:
Since I reached the charming age of puberty
And began to finger feminine curls,
Like a show that’s typically Shuberty
I have always a multitude of girls,
But now that a married man, at last, am I,
How aware of my dear, departed past am I.
Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead.
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind.
A married life may all be well,
But raising an heir
Could never compare
With raising a bit of hell,
So I repeat what first I said,
Where is the life that late I led?
In dear Milano, where are you, Momo,
Still selling those pictures of the Scriptures in the Duomo?
And, Carolina, where are you, Lina,
Still peddling your pizza in the streets o’ Taormina?
And in Firenze, where are you, Alice,
Still there in your pretty, itty-bitty Pitti Palace?
And sweet Lucretia, so young and gay-ee?
What scandalous doin’s in the ruins of Pompeii!
Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead.
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind.
The marriage game is quite all right,
Yes, during the day
It’s easy to play
But, oh, what a bore at night,
So I repeat what first I said
Where is the life that late I?
Where is Rebecca, my Becki-weckio,
Again is she cruising that amusing Ponte Vecchio?
Where is Fedora, the wild virago?
It’s lucky I missed her gangster sister from Chicago.
Where is Venetia, who loved to chat so,
Could still she be drinkin’ in her stinkin’ pink palazzo?
And lovely Lisa, where are you, Lisa?
You gave a new meaning to the leaning tow’r of Pisa.
Where is the life that late I led?
Where is it now? Totally dead.
Where is the fun I used to find?
Where has it gone? Gone with the wind.
I’ve oft been told of nuptial bliss,
But what do you do,
A quarter to two,
With only a shrew to kiss?
So I repeat what first I said,
Where is the life that late I led?
ALWAYS TRUE TO YOU IN MY FASHION
LOIS:
Oh, Bill,
Why can’t you behave?
Why can’t you behave?
How in hell can you be jealous
When you know, baby, I’m your slave?
I’m just mad for you,
And I’ll always be,
But naturally
If a custom-tailored vet
Asks me out for something wet,
When the vet begins to pet, I cry “Hooray!”
But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion,
Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way.
I enjoy a tender pass
By the boss of Boston, Mass.,
Though his pass is middle-class and notta Backa Bay.
But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion,
Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way.
There’s a madman known as Mack
Who is planing to attack,
If his mad attack means a Cadillac, okay!
But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion,
Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way.
I’ve been asked to have a meal
By a big tycoon in steel,
If the meal includes a deal, accept I may.
But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion,
Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way.
I could never curl my lip
To a dazzlin’ diamond clip,
Though the clip meant “let ‘er rip,” I’d not say “Nay!”
But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion,
Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way.
There’s an oil man known as Tex
Who is keen to give me checks,
And his checks, I fear, mean that sex is here to stay!
But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion,
Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way.
From Ohio Mister Thorne
Calls me up from night ’til morn,
Mister Thorne once cornered corn and that ain’t hay.
Aha!
But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion,
Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way.
From Milwaukee Mister Fritz
Often moves me to the Ritz,
Mister Fritz is full of Schlitz and full of play.
But I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my fashion,
Yes, I’m always true to you, darlin’, in my way.
Mister Harris, plutocrat,
Wants to give my cheek a pat,
If the Harris pat
Means a Paris hat,
Bébé, Oo-la-la!
Mais je suis toujour fidèle, darlin’, in my fashion,
Oui, je suis toujour fidèle, darlin’, in my way.
BIANCA
BILL:
While rehearsing with Bianca
(She’s the darling I adore),
Offstage I found
She’s been around
But I still love her more and more;
So I’ve written her a love song
Though I’m just an amateur.
I’ll sing it through
For all of you
To see if it’s worthy of her.
Are yuh list’nin’?
Bianca, Bianca,
Oh, baby, will you be mine?
Bianca, Bianca,
You’d better answer yes or Poppa spanka.
To win you, Bianca,
There’s nothing I would not do.
I would gladly give up coffee for Sanka,
Even Sanka, Bianca, for you.
SO IN LOVE (REPRISE)
FRED:
Strange, dear, but true, dear,
When I’m close to you, dear,
The stars fill the sky,
So in love with you am I.
Even without you
My arms fold about you.
You know, darling why,
So in love with you am I.
In love with the night mysterious
The night when you first were there.
In love with my joy delirious
When I knew that you could care.
So taunt me and hurt me,
Deceive me, desert me,
I’m yours ’til I die,
So in love,
So in love,
So in love with you, my love, am I.
BRUSH UP YOUR SHAKESPEARE
MOBSTERS:
The girls today in society
Go for classical poetry,
So to win their hearts one must quote with ease
Aeschylus and Euripides.
But the poet of them all
Who will start ’em simply ravin’
Is the poet people call
The bard of Stratford-on-Avon.
Brush up your Shakespeare,
Start quoting him now.
Brush up your Shakespeare
And the women you will wow.
Just declaim a few lines from “Othella”
And they think you’re a helluva fella.
If your blonde won’t respond when you flatter ‘er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer ,
If she fights when her clothes you are mussing,
What are clothes? “Much Ado About Nussing.”
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they’ll all kowtow.
With the wife of the British embessida
Try a crack out of “Troilus and Cressida,”
If she says she won’t buy it or tike it
Make her tike it, what’s more, “As You Like It.”
If she says your behavior is heinous
Kick her right in the “Coriolanus.”
Brush up your Shakespeare
And they’ll all kowtow,
And they’ll all kowtow,
And they’ll all kowtow.
I’M ASHAMED THAT WOMEN ARE SO SIMPLE
KATHARINE:
I am ashamed the women a so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace,
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
So, wife, hold your temper and meekly put
Your hand ‘neath the sole of your husband’s foot,
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready,
Ready,
May it do him ease.
FINALE (SO KISS ME, KATE)
PETRUCHIO:
So kiss me, Kate,
KATE:
Caro!
PETRUCHIO:
and twice and thrice,
KATE:
Carissimo!
PETRUCHIO:
Ere we start
KATE:
Bello!
PETRUCHIO:
Living in paradise.
KATE:
Bellissimo!
PETRUCHIO & OTHERS:
Oh, kiss me (him), Kate,
KATE:
Presto!
PETRUCHIO & OTHERS:
Darling angel, divine!
KATE:
Prestissimo!
PETRUCHIO:
For now thou shall ever be
KATE:
Now thou shall ever be
PETRUCHIO & MEN:
Now thou shall ever be
KATE & GIRLS:
Now thou shall ever be
PETRUCHIO:
Mine,
KATE:
Mine,
PETRUCHIO &KATE:
Darling mine,
KATE:
And I am thine, and I am thine
PETRUCHIO & OTHERS:
And I am (she is) thine, and I am (she is) thine
ALL:
All thine!