I Wish… – Into the Woods

ACT II PROLOGUE: SO HAPPY

NARRATOR

Once upon a time-

Later-

CINDERELLA

I wish…

NARRATOR
In that same far-off kingdom

CINDERELLA
More than anything…

NARRATOR
Lived a young princess,

CINDERELLA
More than life…

NARRATOR
The lad Jack,

CINDERELLA
More than footmen…

JACK
I wish…

NARRATOR
And the Baker with his family

BABY
Waaah!

JACK
No, I miss…

CINDERELLA & BAKER
I wish…

BABY
Waaah!

JACK
More then anything…

CINDERELLA, JACK, BAKER
More than the moon…

BAKER’S WIFE
There, there…

CINDERELLA
I wish to sponsor a Festival

BABY
Waaah!

BAKER
More then life…

JACK
I miss…

CINDERELLA
The time has come for a Festival…

BABY
Waaah!

BAKER’S WIFE
Shh…

BAKER

More than riches…

CINDERELLA

And a ball…

JACK

I miss my kingdom up in the sky

CINDERELLA & BAKER

More than anything…

BAKER’S WIFE

I wish we had more room…

BAKER

Another room…

NARRATOR

But despite some minor inconveniences,

they were all quite content…

CINDERELLA

I never thought I’d wed a Prince…

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

I never thought I’d find perfection…

BOTH

I never thought I would be so happy!

CINDERELLA

Not an unhappy moment since…

JACK & MOTHER

I didn’t think we’d be this rich…

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Not a conceivable objection…

BAKER & WIFE

I never thought we’d have a baby…

CINDERELLA, PRINCE, JACK, MOTHER

I didn’t know I could be so happy!

BAKER & WIFE

I’m so happy!

STEPMOTHER

Happy now,

Happy hence,

Happy ever after-

FLORINDA, LUCINDA, STEPMOTHER

We’re so happy you’re so happy!

Just as long as you stay happy,

We’ll stay happy!…

CINDERELLA & PRINCE

Not one row…

JACK’S MOTHER

Pots of pence…

JACK

With my cow…

BAKER & WIFE

Little gurgles….

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Darling, I must go now…

JACK’S MOTHER

We should really sell it

BAKER

Where’s the cheesecloth?

ALL (except Baker)

Wishes may bring problems,

Such that you regret them.

ALL

Better that, though,

Than to never get them…

CINDERELLA

I’m going to be a perfect wife!

JACK

I’m going to be a perfect son!

BAKER’S WIFE & JACK’S MOTHER

I’m going to be a perfect mother!

BAKER

I’m going to be a perfect father!

I’m so happy!

CINDERELLA, JACK, MOTHER, BAKER’S WIFE

I’m going to see that he/she

Is so happy!

ALL

I never though I’d love my life!

I would have settled for another!

CINDERELLA

Then to become a wife…

JACK & MOTHER

Then to be set for life…

BAKER & WIFE

Then to beget a child…

ALL

That fortune smiled…

I’m so hap-!

(A loud rumbling noise is followed by an

The Witch enters.)

BAKER

Have you done this to our house?

WITCH

Always thinking of yourself! Look at my garden.

BAKER

Destroyed!

BAKER’S WIFE

Who could do such a thing?

BAKER

Do you think it was a bear?

WITCH

A bear? Bears are sweet.

Besides, you ever see a bear with forty-foot feet?

BAKER’S WIFE

Dragon?

WITCH

No scorch marks,

Usually they’re linked

BAKER

Manticore?

WITCH

Imaginary

BAKER & WIFE

Griffin?

WITCH

Extinct

BAKER

Giant?

WITCH

Possible.

Very, very, possible…

NARRATOR

More than possible. Their fears would

prove to be well founded.

BAKER

Into the woods,

It’s always when

You think at last

You’re through, and then

Into the woods you go again

To take another journey

BAKER’S WIFE

Into the woods,

The weather’s clear,

We’ve been before,

We’ve naught to fear…

Into the woods, away from here-

JACK

Into the woods to find a giant-!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Into the woods to Grandmother’s house…

BAKER

Into the woods,

The path is straight,

No reason then

To hesitate-

BAKER’S WIFE

Into the woods,

It’s not too late,

It’s just another journey…

CINDERELLA

Into the woods

But not too long:

The skies are strange,

The winds are strong.

Into the woods to see what’s wrong…

JACK

Into the woods-

To slay the giant!

BAKER’S WIFE

Into the woods-

To shield the child…

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

To flee the winds…

BAKER

To find a future…

BAKER’S WIFE

To shield…

JACK

To slay…

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

To flee…

BAKER

To find…

CINDERELLA

To fix…

BAKER’S WIFE

To hide…

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

To move…

JACK

To battle…

CINDERELLA

To see what the trouble is…

AGONY

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

High in a tower-

Like yours was, but higher-

A beauty asleep.

All round the tower

A thicket of briar

A hundred feet deep.

Agony!

No frustration mor keen,

When the one thing you want

Is a thing that you’ve not even seen.

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

I found a casket

Entirely of glass-

No, it’s unbreakable.

Inside- don’t ask it-

A maiden, alas,

Just as unwakable-

BOTH

What unmistakable agony!

Is the way always barred?

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

She has skin white as snow-

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Did you learn her name?

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

No,

There’s a dwarf standing guard.

BOTH

Agony!

Such that Princes must weep!

Always in thrall most

To anything almost,

Or something asleep.

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

If it were not for the thicket-

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

A thicket’s no trick.

Is it thick?

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

It’s the thickest.

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

The quickest

Is pick it

Apart with a stick-

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Yes, but even one prick-

It’s my thing about blood.

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

Well, it’s sick!

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

It’s no sicker

Than your thing with dwarves.

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

Dwarfs.

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Dwarfs…

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

Dwarfs are every upsetting.

BOTH

Not forgetting

The tasks unacheivable,

Mountains unscalable-

If it’s conceivable

But unavailable,

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

Agony!

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Misery!

BOTH

Not to know what you miss.

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

While they lie there for years-

RAPUNZEL’S PRINCE

And you cry on their biers-

BOTH

What unbearable bliss!

Agony

That can cut like a knife!

Ah, well, back to my wife…

LAMENT

WITCH

This is the world I meant.

Couldn’t you listen?

Couldn’t you stay content,

Safe behind walls,

As I

Could not?

Now you know what’s out there in the world.

No one can prepare you for the world,

Even I.

How could I, who loved you as you were?

How could I have shielded you from her

Or them…

No matter what you say,

Children won’t listen.

No matter what you know,

Children refuse

To learn.

Guide them along the way,

Still they won’t listen.

Children can only grow

From something you love

To something you lose…

ANY MOMENT

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Anything can happen in the woods.

May I kiss you-?

Any moment we could be crushed.

BAKER’S WIFE

uh-

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Don’t feel rushed.

BAKER’S WIFE

This is ridiculous,

What am I doing here?

I’m in the wrong story.

Wait one moment, please! We can’t do this!

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Of course, you’re right. How foolish.

Foolishness can happen in the woods.

Once again, please-

Let your hesitations be hushed.

Any moment, big or small,

Is a moment, after all.

Seize the moment, skies may fall

Any moment.

Days are made of moments,

All are worth exploring.

Many kinds of moments-

None is worth ignoring.

All we have are moments,

Memories for storing.

One would be so boring…

BAKER’S WIFE

But this is not right!

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

Right and wrong don’t matter in the woods,

Only feelings.

Let us meet the moment unblushed.

Life is often so unpleasant-

You must know that, as a peasant-

Best to take the moment present

As a present for the moment.

I must leave you.

BAKER’S WIFE

Why?

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

The Giant.

BAKER’S WIFE

Will we find each other in the woods again?

CINDERELLA’S PRINCE

This was just a moment in the woods.

Our moment,

Shimmering and lovely and sad.

Leave the moment, just be glad

For the moment that we had.

Every moment is of moment

When you’re in the woods…

Goodbye.

MOMENTS IN THE WOODS

BAKER’S WIFE

What was that?

Was that me?

Was that him?

Did a Prince really kiss me?

And kiss me?

And kiss me?

And did I kiss him back?

Was it wrong?

Am I mad?

Is that all?

Does he miss me?

Was he suddenly

Getting bored with me?

Wake up! Stop dreaming.

Stop prancing about the woods.

It’s not beseeming.

What is it about the woods?

Back to life, back to sense,

Back to child, back to husband,

You can’t live in the woods.

There are vows, there are ties,

There are needs, there are standards,

There are shouldn’ts and shoulds.

Why not both instead?

There’s the answer, if you’re clever:

have a child for warmth,

And a Baker for bread,

And a Prince for whatever-

Never!

It’s these woods.

Face the facts, find the boy,

Join the group, stop the Giant-

Just get out of these woods.

Was that him? yes it was.

Was that me? No it wasn’t,

Just a trick of the woods.

Just a moment,

One peculiar passing moment…

Must it all be either less or more,

Either plain or grand?

Is it always “or”?

Is it never “and”?

That’s what woods are for:

For those moments in the woods…

Oh. if life were made of moments,

Even now and then a bad one-!

But if life were only moments,

Then you’d never know you had one.

First a Witch, then a child,

Then a Prince, then a moment-

Who can live in the woods?

And to get what you wish,

Only just for a moment-

These are dangerous woods…

Let the moment go…

Don’t forget it for a moment, though.

Just remembering you’ve had and “and”,

When you’re back to “or”,

Makes the “or” mean more

Than it did before.

Now I understand-

And it’s time to leave the woods.

YOUR FAULT

BAKER (To Jack)

It’s because of you there’s a Giant in our midst

and my Wife is dead!

JACK

But it isn’t my fault,

I was given those beans!

You persuaded me to trade away

My cow for beans!

And without those beans

There’d have been no stalk

To get up to the Giants

In the first place!

BAKER

Wait a minute, magic beans

For a cow so old

That you had to tell

A lie to sell

It, which you told!

Were they worthless beans?

Were they oversold?

Oh, and tell us who

Persuaded you

To steal that gold.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Jack)

See, it’s your fault.

JACK

No!

BAKER

So it’s your fault…

JACK

No!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Yes, it is!

JACK

It’s not!

BAKER

It’s true.

JACK

Wait a minute-

But I only stole the gold

To get my

Cow back from you!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Baker)

So it’s your fault!

JACK

Yes!

BAKER

No, it isn’t!

I’d have kept those beans,

But our house was cursed.

She made us get the cow to get

The curse reversed!

WITCH

It’s you father’s fault

That the curse got placed

And the place got cursed

In the first place!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Oh.

Then it’s his fault!

WITCH

So?

CINDERELLA

It was his fault…

JACK

No.

BAKER

Yes, it is,

It’s his.

CINDERELLA

I guess…

JACK

Wait a minute, though-

I chopped down the beanstalk-

Right? That’s clear.

But without any beanstalk,

Then what’s queer

Is how did the second Giant get down here

In the first place?

Second place…

CINDERELLA

Yes!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

How?

BAKER

Hmmm…

JACK

Well,

Who had the other bean?

BAKER

The other bean?

CINDERELLA

The other bean?

JACK (to BAKER)

You pocketed the other bean.

BAKER

I didn’t!

Yes I did.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

So it’s your-!

BAKER

No, it isn’t,

‘Cause I gave it to my Wife!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

So it’s her-!

BAKER

No, it isn’t!

CINDERELLA

Then whose is it?

BAKER (To Cinderella)

Wait a minute!

She exchanged that bean

To ontain your shoe,

So the one who knows what happened

To that bean is you!

CINDERELLA

You mean that old bean-

That your Wife-? Oh, dear-

But I never knew,

And so I threw-

Well, don’t look here!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

So it’s your fault!

CINDERELLA

But-

JACK

See, it’s her fault-

CINDERELLA

But-

JACK

And it isn’t mine at all!

BAKER (To Cinderella)

But what?

CINDERELLA (To Jack)

Well, if you hadn’t gone

Back up again-

JACK

We were needy-

CINDERELLA

You were greedy!

Did you need that hen?

JACK

But I got it for my Mother-!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

So it’s her fault then!

CINDERELLA

Yes? And what the harp

In the third place?

BAKER

The harp- yes!

JACK

She went and dared me to!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

I dared you to?

JACK

You dared me to!

She said that I was scared-

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Me?

JACK

To.

She dared me!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

No, I didn’t!

BAKER, CINDERELLA, JACK

So it’s your fault!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

Wait a minute-!

CINDERELLA

If you hadn’t dared him to-

BAKER (To Jack)

And you had left the harp alone,

We wouldn’t be in trouble

In the first place!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Cinderella)

Well, if you hadn’t thrown away the bean

In the first place-!

CINDERELLA

Well, if she hadn’t raised them in the first place-!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (To Cinderella)

It was your fault!

JACK (to WITCH)

Yes, if you hadn’t raised them in the first place-!

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD & BAKER (To Witch)

Right! It’s you raised them in the first place-!

CINDERELLA

You raised the beans in the first place!

JACK

It’s your fault!

CINDERELLA, JACK, BAKER, LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

You’re responsible!

You’re the one to blame!

It’s your fault!

LAST MIDNIGHT

WITCH

Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!

It’s the last midnight.

It’s the last wish.

It’s the last midnight,

Soon it will be boom-

Squish!

Told a little lie,

Stole a little gold,

Broke a little vow,

Did you?

Had to get your Prince,

Had to get your cow,

Had to get your wish,

Doesn’t matter how-

Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.

It’s the last midnight,

It’s the boom-

Splat!

Nothing but a vast midnight.

Everybody smashed flat!

Nothing we can do.

Not exactly true:

We can always give her the boy…

No?

No, of course what really matters

Is the blame,

Somebody to blame.

Fine, if that’s the thing you enjoy,

Placing the blame,

If that’s the aim,

Give me the blame-

Just give me the boy.

THE OTHERS

No!

WITCH

No?

You’re so nice.

You’re not good,

You’re not bad,

You’re just nice.

I’m not good,

I’m not nice,

I’m just right.

I’m the Witch.

You’re the world.

I’m the hitch.

I’m what no one believes,

I’m the Witch.

You’re all liars and theives,

Like his father,

Like his son will be, too-

Oh, why bother?

You’ll just do what you do.

It’s the last midnight,

So, goodbye all.

Coming at you fast, midight-

Soon you’ll see the sky fall.

Here, you want a bean?

Have another bean.

Beans were made for making you rich!

Plant them and they soar-

Here, you want some more?

Listen to the roar…

Giants by the score-!

Oh well, you can blame another witch.

It’s the last midnight.

It’s the last verse.

Now, before it’s past midnight,

I’m leaving you my last curse:

I’m leaving you alone.

You can tend the garden, it’s yours.

Separate and alone,

Everybody down on all fours.

All right, mother, when?

Lost the beans again!

Punish me the way you did then!

Give me claws and a hunch,

Just away from this bunch

And the gloom

And the doom

And the boom

Cruuunch!

NO MORE

BAKER

No more questions,

Please.

No more tests.

Comes the day you say, “What for?”

Please- no more.

MYSTERIOUS MAN

They disappoint,

They disappear,

They die but they don’t…

BAKER

What?

MYSTERIOUS MAN

They disappoint

In turn, I fear.

Forgive, though, they won’t…

BAKER

No more riddles.

No more jests.

No more curses you can’t undo,

Left by fathers you never knew.

No more quests.

No more feelings.

Time to shut the door

Just- no more.

MYSTERIOUS MAN

Running away- let’s do it,

Free from the ties that bind.

No more depair

Or burdens to bear

Out there in the yonder.

Running away- go to it.

Where did you have in mind?

Have to take care:

Unless there’s a “where,”

You’ll only be wandering blind.

Just more questions.

Different kind.

Where are we to go?

Where are we ever to go?

Running away- we’ll do it.

Why sit around, resigned?

Trouble is, son,

The farther you run,

The more you feel undefined

For what you’ve left undone

And, more, what you’ve left behind.

We disappoint,

We leave a mess,

We die but we don’t…

BAKER

We disappoint

In turn, I guess.

Forget, though, we won’t…

BOTH

Like father, like son.

BAKER

No more giants

Waging war.

Can’t we just pursue out lives

With our children and our wives?

‘Till that happy day arrives,

How do you ignore

All the witches,

All the curses,

All the wolves, all the lies,

The false hopes, the goodbyes,

The reverses,

All the wondering what even worse is

Still in store?

All the children…

All the giants…

No more.

NO ONE IS ALONE

CINDERELLA

Mother cannot guide you.

Now you’re on you’re own.

Only me beside you.

Still, you’re not alone.

No one is alone, truly.

No one is alone.

Sometimes people leave you

halfway through the wood.

Others may deceive you.

You decide what’s good.

You decide alone.

But no one is alone.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD

I wish…

CINDERELLA

I know…

Mother isn’t here now.

BAKER

Wrong things, right things…

CINDERELLA

Who knows what she’d say?

BAKER

Who can say what’s true?

CINDERELLA

Nothing’s quite so clear now-

BAKER
Do things, fight things…

CINDERELLA

Feel you’ve lost your way?

BAKER
You decide, but

CINDERELLA

You are not alone,

Believe me.

No one is alone.

BAKER
No one is alone,

Believe me.

CINDERELLA

Truly…

BOTH

You move just a finger,

Say the slightest word,

Something’s bound to linger,

Be heard.

BAKER

No one acts alone.

Careful, no one is alone.

BOTH

People make mistakes.

BAKER

Fathers,

CINDERELLA

Mothers,

BOTH

People make mistakes,

Holding their own,

Thinking they’re alone.

CINDERELLA

Honor their mistakes…

BAKER
Fight for their mistakes-

CINDERELLA
Everybody makes-

BOTH

One another’s

Terrible mistakes.

Witches can be right,

Giants can be good.

You decide what’s right,

You decide what’s good.

CINDERELLA

Just remember: