ACT ONE
1.RUNYONLAND
The Ochestra
2.FUGUE OF TINHORNS
NICELY: I got the horse right here, his name is Paul Revere and
here’s a guy who says if the weather’s clear, can do, can do.
This guy says the horse can do.
If he says the horse can do, can do, can do.
NICELY: can do, can do this
BENNY: I’m picking Valentine ’cause on the morning line, the guy has
NICELY: guy says the horse can do If he says the horse can
BENNY: got him figured at five to nine. Has chance has
RUSTY: But look at Epitaph, he wins it
NICELY: do, can do, can do, For Paul Revere
BENNY: chance, this guy says the horse has chance. If he says
RUSTY: by a half, according to this hare in the Telegraph, Big threat,
NICELY: I’ll bite, I hear his foot’s all right. Of course it all depends if it
BENNY: the horse has chance, has chance, has
RUSTY: big threat, This guy calls the horse Big
NICELY: rained last night. Likes mud, likes mud. This “X” means the horse
BENNY: chance. I know it’s Valentine, the morning works looks fine, besides
RUSTY: Threat. If he calls the horse big threat, big threat
NICELY: likes mud. if that means the horse likes mud, likes
BENNY: the jockey’s brother’s a friend of mine. Needs race, needs race this
RUSTY: Big threat. And just a minute boys, I got the feedbox noise. It
NICELY: mud, likes mud, I tell you Paul Revere now this is
BENNY: guy says the horse needs race. If he says the horse needs
RUSTY: says the great-grandfather was Equipoise, shows class, shows
NICELY: no bum steer. It’s from a handicapper that’s real sincere. Can
BENNY: race. Needs race, needs race. I go for
RUSTY: class. This guy says the horse shows class. If
NICELY: do, can do. This guy says the horse can do. If
BENNY: Valentine, ’cause on the morning line, the guy’s got him figured at 5 to 9
RUSTY: he says the horse shows class, shows class. So make it
NICELY: he says the horse can do, can do, can
BENNY: has chance, has chance. This guy says the horse has
RUSTY: Epitaph. He wins it by a half, according to this hare in the
NICELY: do. Paul Revere! I got the horse right here!
BENNY: chance. Valentine! I got the horse right here!
RUSTY: Telegraph, Epitaph! I got the horse right here!
3.FOLLOW THE FOLD
ALL:
Follow the fold and stray no more,
Stray no more stray no more.
Put down the bottle
And we’ll say no more,
Follow, follow the fold.
SARAH:
Before you take another swallow
ALL:
Follow the fold and stray no more,
Stray no more stray no more.
Tear up your poker deck and play no more,
Follow, follow the fold.
To the meadows, where the sun shines,
Out of the darkness, and the cold.
SARAH:
And the sin and shame in which you wallow
ALL:
Follow the fold and stray no more,
Stray no more stray no more.
If you’re a sinner and you pray no more,
Follow, follow the fold.
4.THE OLDEST ESTABLISHED
[Spoken]
BENNY:
Nathan, concentrate on the crap game. The town’s up to here with high players.
The Greek’s in town!
NICELY-NICELY:
Brandy Bottle Bates!
BENNY:
Scranton Slim!
NATHANICELY-NICELY:
I know I could make a fortune, but where can I have the game?
[Song]
NICELY-NICELY:
The Biltmore garage wants a grand.
BENNY:
But we ain’t got a grand on hand.
NATHANICELY-NICELY:
And they’ve now got a lock on the door,
Of the gym at Public school eighty-four.
NICELY-NICELY:
There’s a stock room behind McClousky’s bar.
BENNY:
But Missus McClousky ain’t a good scout.
NATHANICELY-NICELY:
And things bein’ how they are, the back of the police station’s…out.
NICELY-NICELY:
So the Biltmore Garage is the spot.
ALL:
But the one thousand bucks we ain’t got!
Why, it’s good reliable Nathan! Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit!
If you’re looking for action he’ll furnish the spot!
Even when the heat is on it’s never too hot!
Not for good old reliable Nathan, for it’s always just a short walk!
To the oldest established permanent floating crap game in New York!
There are well-healed shooters everywhere, everywhere,
There are well-healed shooters everywhere!
And an awful lot of lettuce for the fella who can get us there……
NATHAN, BENNY & NICELY:
If we only had a lousy little grand we could be a millionaire!
ALL:
That’s good old reliable Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan Detroit!
If the size of your bundle you want to increase,
He’ll arrange that you go broke in quiet and peace.
In a hideout provided by Nathan,
Where there are no neighbors to squawk!
It’s the oldest established permanent floating
[Ssssh!] crap game in New York!
Where’s the action? Where’s the game?
NATHAN, BENNY & NICELY:
Gotta have a game or we’ll die from shame.
ALL:
It’s the oldest established permanent floating crap game in New York!
5.I’LL KNOW
SKY:
[Spoken]
It is nice to know Miss Sarah that somewhere in the world
there is a guy who might appeal to you. I wonder what this guy would be like?
SARAH:
He will not be a gambler!
SKY:
I’m not interested in what he will not be, I’m interested in what he will be!
SARAH:
Don’t worry… I’ll know!
[Sung]
For I’ve imagined ev’ry bit of him
From his strong moral fiber to the wisdom in his head
To the homey aroma of his pipe…
SKY:
You have wished yourself a real dumb character,
The breakfast readin’ books, brother’s type
SARAH:
Yes! And I shall meet him when the time is right!
SKY:
You’ve got the guy all figured out, hmm?
SARAH:
I have!
SKY:
Including what he smokes, all figured out
SARAH:
All figured out!
I’ll know when my love comes along.
I won’t take a chance,
For, oh, he’ll be just what I need
Not some fly by night Broadway romance
SKY:
And you’ll know at a glance
By the two pair of pants!
SARAH:
Yes, I’ll know…
By that calm steady voice,
Those feet on the ground
I’ll know
As I run to his arms
That at last I’ve come home safe and sound
Until then I shall wait,
Until then I’ll be strong!
For I’ll know when my love comes along…
SKY:
No, no, no, you’re talking about love!
You can’t dupe it like that! vulgarize
What are you picking, a guy or a horse?
SARAH:
Oh, I wouldn’t expect a gambler to understand.
SKY:
Would you like to hear what a gambler feels about the big heart trap?
SARAH:
No!
SKY:
But I’ll tell ya!
Mine will come as a surprise to me!
Mine, I leave to chance in chemistry
SARAH:
CHEMISTRY?
SKY:
Yeah, chemistry!
I’ll know…
When my love comes along
I’ll know…
I’ll know then and there…
I’ll know…
At the sight of her face
How I care, how I care, how I care…
And I’ll stop!
And I’ll stare
And I’ll know…
Long before we can speak!
And I’ll know in my heart.
And I’ll know and I won’t ever ask
Am I right? Am I wise? Am I smart?’
And I’ll stop, and I’ll stare at that face in the throng
Yes, I’ll know when my love comes along
SARAH:
I’ll know
When my love comes along.
SKY:
When my love comes along.
SARAH:
I’ll know when my love comes along.
I won’t take a chance,
For, oh, he’ll be just what I need
Not some fly by night Broadway romance
Until the, I shall wait
Until then, I’ll be strong
I’ll know when my love comes along…
6.BUSHEL AND A PECK
ADEAIDENSEMBLE:
I love you, a bushel and a peck,
A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck,
A hug around the neck and a barrel and a heap,
Barrel and a heap and I’m talkin’ in my sleep,
About you-
GIRL:
About you?
ADELAIDE:
About you-
GIRL:
My heart is leapin’, I’m havin’ trouble sleepin’
ADELAIDE:
‘Cause I love you, a bushel and a peck,
You bet your pretty neck I do!
ADELAIDE & GIRLS:
Doodle oodle oodle, doodle oodle oodle,
Doodle oodle oodle, oo doo
C’mon girls! Aaaaaaaaaaah!
AAAAAha! Mmm Mmm!
I love you, a bushel and a peck,
a bushel and a peck tho’ it beats me all the heck
ADELAIDE:
Beats me all the heck, how I’ll ever tend the farm,
ever tend the farm when I wanna keep my arm about you-
GIRL:
About you?
ADELAIDE:
About you-
GIRL:
The cows and chickens, are going to the dickens
ADELAIDE:
‘Cause I love you, a bushel and a peck you bet your pretty neck I do!
He loves me, he loves me not!
He loves me, he loves me not!
He loves me!
And I love you, a bushel and a peck,
A bushel and a peck
You bet your pretty neck I do!
ADELAIDE & GIRL:
Doodle oodle oodle,
ADELAIDE:
Goodbye now!
Wow! Ooh! OH!
7.ADELAIDE’S LAMENT
[Spoken]
NATHANICELY-NICELY:
Look, Adelaide, you’re gettin’ yourself upset! You and I are gonna be alright.
After all, we love each other, and we’re gonna get married!
ADELAIDE:
I don’t believe you anymore.
NATHANICELY-NICELY:
But it’s true! Oh, you’ll get better tomorrow; come on!
Cheer up, honey, let’s see that old smile!
ADELAIDE:
Ahagh…
NATHANICELY-NICELY:
That’s my girl, see you tomorrow!
[Spoken]
ADELAIDE:
It says here…
The average unmarried female
Basic’lly insecure
Due to some long frustration
May react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract
In other words,
Just from waiting around
For that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold
You can spray her wherever you figure
The streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot
For whatever she’s got
But it just won’t work
If she’s tired of getting the fish-eye
From the hotel clerk
A person
Can develop a cold
It says here…
The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense
Shows a neurotic tendency
See notENSEMBLE:
Tendency see note
Oh, see note ah!
Chronic organic syndromes
Toxic or hypertense
Involving the eye,
The ear and the nose and throat
In other words,
Just from wond’rin’
Whether the wedding is on or off,
A person
Can develop a cough!
You can feed her all day
With the Vitamin A
And the Bromo Fizz
But the medicine never
Gets anywhere near
Where the trouble is!
If she’s getting a kind
Of name for herself
And the name ain’t “his”
A person
Can develop a cough
And further more
Just from stalling
And stalling and stalling
The wedding trip
A person
Can develop La grippe
When they get on a train
For Niag’ra
And she can hear church bells chime
[BELLS]
The compartment is air conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga
For the fourteenth time
A person
Can develop La grippe
La grippe, La post nasal drip
With the wheezes
And the sneezes
And a sinus that’s really a pip!
From a lack of community property
And a feeling she’s getting too old
A person
Can develop
A bad, bad cold!
Atchum!
8.GUYS AND DOLLS
NICELY-NICELY:
What’s playing at the Roxy?
I’ll tell you what’s playing at the Roxy.
A picture about a Minnesota man so in love with a Mississippi girl,
That he sacrifices everything, and moves all the way to Biloxi.
That’s what’s playing at the Roxy!
BENNY:
What’s in the Daily News?
I’ll tell you what’s in the daily news.
A story about a guy who bought his wife a small ruby,
With what otherwise would have been his union dues.
That’s what’s in the daily news.
NICELY-NICELY:
What’s happenin’ all over?
I’ll tell you what’s happenin’ all over.
Guys sittin’ home by a television set,
Who once used to be somethin’ of a Rover.
That’s what’s happenin’ all over.
BOTH:
Love is the thing that has licked ’em
And it looks like Nathan’s just another victim.
NICELY-NICELY:
Yes, sir, when you see a guy, reach for stars in the sky,
You can bet that he’s doing it for some doll.
BENNY:
When you spot a John waiting out in the rain,
Chances are he’s insane, as only a John can be for a Jane.
NICELY-NICELY:
When you meet a gent, paying all kinds of rent,
For a flat that could flatten the Taj Mahal
BOTH:
Call it sad, call it funny, but it’s better than even money,
That the guy’s only doing it for some doll.
BENNY:
When you see a Joe, saving half of his dough,
You can bet there’ll be mink in it for some doll.
NICELY-NICELY:
When a bum buys wine like a bum can’t afford,
It’s a cinch that the bum is under the thumb of some little broad
BENNY:
When you meet a mug, lately out of the jug,
And he’s still liftin’ platinum, fol-de-rol
BOTH:
Call it hell, call it heaven,
It’s a probable twelve to seven
That the guy’s only doing it for some doll.
BENNY:
When you see a sport, and his cash has run short,
Make a bet that he’s banking it with some doll.
NICELY-NICELY:
When a guy wears tail with the front gleaming white,
Who the hell do you think he’s tiggeling pink on Saturday night.
BENNY:
When a lazy slob, takes a good steady job,
And he smells from Vitalis and Barbasol
BOTH:
Call it dumb, call it clever, ah, but you can give odds forever,
That the guy’s only doing it for some doll,
Some doll, some doll,
The guy’s only doing it for some doll!
9.HAVANA
(Instrumental)
[DIALOG]
NICELY:
Nathan, you better find a place for the crap game!
NATHANICELY-NICELY:
How can I the money from sky ain’t come yet!
NICELY:
Maybe it won’t come! Maybe he took Miss Sarah to Havana.
NATHANICELY-NICELY:
He couldn’t have. How could he? She couldn’t have gone!
SKY:
How ’bout a drink?
SARAH:
A milkshake, please!
SKY:
“Doce de leche”!
SARAH:
These are delicious! What did you call them?
SKY:
“Doce de leche!”
SARAH:
“Doce de leche.” What’s in it besides milk?
SKY:
Oh, Sugar. And a sort of native flavoring…
SARAH:
What’s the name of the flavoring?
SKY:
Baccardi!
SARAH:
It’s “very” good! I think I’ll have another one.
Doesn’t Baccardi have alcohol in it?
SKY:
Only enough to act as a preservative.
SARAH:
You know. This would be a wonderful way to get children to drink milk!
10.IF I WERE A BELL
[Spoken]
SKY:
Are you alright?
SARAH:
Am I alright?
[Sung]
Ask me how do I feel,
Ask me now that we’re cozy and clinging!
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a bell I’d be ringing!
From the moment we kissed tonight
That’s the way I’ve just got to behave
Boy, if I were a lamp I’d light!
And if I were a banner I’d wave
Ask me how do I feel
Little me with my quiet upbringing
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a gate I’d be swinging !
And if I were a watch I’d start
Popping my spring…
Or if I were a bell
I’d go ding-dong-ding-dong-ding
Ask me how do I feel
From this Chemistry lesson I’m learnin’
SKY:
Yeah, Chemistry!
SARAH:
Well, sir, all I can say
Is if I were a bridge
I’d be burning
Yes, I knew my moral would crack
From the wonderful way that you look
Boy, if I were a duck I’d quack!
And if I were a goose I’d be cooked!
Ask me how do I feel,
Ask me now that we’re fondly caressing
Pal, if I were a salad
I know I’d be splashing my dressing
Ask me how to describe this whole beautiful thing
Well, if I were a bell
I’d go ding-dong-ding-dong
Diiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
11.MY TIME OF DAY
SARAH:
What time is it?
SKY:
I don’t know…Four o’clock!
SARAH:
This is your time of day, isn’t it?
I’m not usually up this late before!
SKY:
How do you like it?
SARAH:
Oh, it’s so peaceful and wonderful!
SKY:
You’re finding out something
I’d known for quite a while…
My time of day is the dark time,
A couple of deals before dawn,
When the street belongs to the cop,
And the janitor with the mop,
And the grocery-clerks are all gone.
When the smell of the rain-washed pavement,
Comes up clean and fresh and cold.
And the street lamp light,
Fills the gutter with gold,
That’s my time of day-
My time of day,
And you’re the only doll
I’ve ever wanted to share it with me…
[Spoken]
Obediah.
SARAH:
Obediah? What’s that?
SKY:
Obediah Masterson… That’s my real name.
You know you’re the first person I’ve ever told it to.
12.I’VE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE
SKY:
I’ve never been in love before
Now all at once it’s you
It’s you forever more
I’ve never been in love before
I thought my heart was safe
I thought I knew the score
But this is wine
That’s all too strange and strong
I’m full of foolish song
And out my song must pour
So please forgive this helpless haze I’m in
I’ve really never been in love before…
SARAH:
I’ve never been in love before
Now all at once it’s you
It’s you forever more
I’ve never been in love before
I thought my heart was safe
I thought I knew the score
But this is wine
That’s all too strange and strong
I’m full of foolish song
And out my song must pour.
SARAH & SKY:
So please forgive this helpless haze I’m in
I’ve really never been in love before!