5.WHEN YOU’RE GOOD TO MAMA
Matron:
Ask any of the chickies in my pen
They’ll tell I’m the biggest mother hen
I love ’em all and all of them love me
Because the system works
The system called reciprocity…
Got a little motto
Always sees me through
When you’re good to Mama
Mama’s good to you!
There’s a lot of favors
I’m prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She’ll do one for you
They say that life is tit for tat
And that’s the way I live
So, I deserve a lot of tat
For what I’ve got to give
Don’t you know that this hand
Washes that one too
When you’re good to Mama
Mama’s good to you!
If you want my gravy
Pepper my ragout
Spice it up for Mama
She’ll get hot for you
When they pass that basket
Folks contribute to
You put in for Mama
She’ll pull out for you
The folks atop the ladder
Are the ones the world adores
So boost me up my ladder, kid
And I’ll boost you up yours
Let’s all stroke together
Like the Princeton crew
When you’re strokin’ Mama
Mama’s strokin’ you
So what’s the one conclusion
I can bring this number to?
When you’re good to Mama
Mama’s good to you
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and Gentleman, presenting the Silver-Tongued Prince of
the Courtroom – the one – the only Mr. Billy Flynn.
6.ALL I CARE ABOUT
Girls:
We want Billy
Give us Billy
B. I. Double L. Y.
We’re all his
He’s our kind of a guy
And ooh what luck
‘Cause here he is…
Billy:
Is everybody here?
Is everybody ready?
Hit it!
I don’t care about expensive things
Cashmere coats, diamond rings
Don’t mean a thing
All I care about is love Girls:
That’s what I’m here for That’s what he’s here for
I don’t care for wearing silk cravats
Ruby studs, satin spats
Don’t mean a thing
All I care about is love Girls:
All he cares about is love
Give me two
Eyes of blue
Softly saying, “I need you”
Let me see her standin’ there
And honest, mister, I’m a millionaire
I don’t care for any fine attire
Vanderbilt might admire
No, no, not me
All I care about is love Girls:
All he cares about is love
Billy:
Maybe you think I’m talking about my physical love. Well,
I’m not. Not just physical love. There’s other kinds of
love. Like love of justice. Love of legal procedure. Love
of lending a hand to someone who really needs you. Love of
your fellow man. That’s the kind of love I’m talkin’ about.
And physical love ain’t so bad either.
Billy:
It may sound odd
But all I care about is love Girls:
That’s what I’m here for That’s for he’s here for
Honest to God
All I care about is love Girls:
All he cares about is love
Show me long raven hair
Flowin’ down, about to three
Let me see
Her runnin’ free
Keep your money, that’s enough for me
I don’t care for drivin’ Packard cars
Or smoking long buck cigars
No, no, not me
All I care about is
Doin’ the guy in
Who’s pickin’, on you
Twistin’ the wrist
That’s turnin’ the screw
All I care about is love Girls:
All he cares about is love
Billy:
Now look, in a few minutes there’ll be a whole bunch of
photographers and reporters and that sob sister from the
Evening Star is coming.
(a coloratura trill is heard off stage)
Billy:
I don’t figure we’ll have any trouble with her.
(another trill)
Billy:
She’ll swallow hook, line and sinker.
(and another)
Her name is Mary Sunshine.
7.A LITTLE BIT OF GOOD
Mary Sunshine:
When I was a tiny tot
Of maybe two or three
I can still remember what
My mother said to me…
Place rose colored glasses on your nose
And you will see the robins
Not the crows
For in the tense and tangled web
Our weary lives can weave
You’re so much better off
If you believe…
That there’s a little bit of good
In everyone
In everyone you’ll ever know
Yes, there’s a little bit of good
In everyone
Though many times, it doesn’t show
It only takes a taking time
With one another
For under every mean veneer
Is someone warm and dear
Keep looking…
For that bit of good in everyone
The ones you call bad
Are never all bad
So try to find that little bit of good
Just a little, little bit of good
Is someone warm and dear
Keep looking…
For that little good in everyone
Although you meet rats
They’re not complete rats
So try to find that little bit of good!
Matron:
Mr. Flynn, the reporters are here.
Billy:
Let ’em in, Butch. Okay, Roxie, act like a dummy; you sit
on my lap and do all the talking.
Matron:
Mr. Billy Flynn sings the “Press Conference Rag” – notice
how his mouth never moves – almost.
8.WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN
Reporters:
Where’d you come from?
Billy (as Roxie):
Mississippi
Reporters:
And your parents?
Billy (as Roxie):
Very wealthy.
Reporters:
Where are they now?
Billy (as Roxie):
Six feet under.
Billy:
But she was granted one more start
Billy (as Roxie):
The convent of the sacred heart!
Reporters:
When’d you get there?
Billy (as Roxie):
1920
Reporters:
How old were you?
Billy (as Roxie):
Don’t remember
Reporters:
Then what happened?
Billy (as Roxie):
I met Amos
And he stole my hear away
Convinced me to elope one day
Mary Sunshine:
A convent girl! A run-away marriage! Oh, it’s too terrible.
You poor, poor dear.
Reporters:
Who’s Fred Casely?
Billy (as Roxie):
My ex-boy friend.
Reporters:
Why’d you shoot him.
Billy (as Roxie):
I was leavin’.
Reporters:
Was he angry?
Billy (as Roxie):
Like a madman!
Still I said, “Fred, move along.”
Billy:
She knew that she was doin’ wrong
Reporters:
Then describe it
Billy (as Roxie):
He came toward me.
Reporters:
With a pistol?
Billy (as Roxie):
From my bureau
Reporters:
Did you fight him?
Billy (as Roxie):
Like a tiger
Billy:
He had strength and she had none
Billy (as Roxie):
And yet we both reached for the gun
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both
Oh yes, we both
Oh yes, we both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, we both reached for the gun
For the gun.
Billy and Reporters:
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun
For the gun.
Billy:
Understandable, understandable
Yes, it’s perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It’s so defensible!
Reporters:
How you’re feeling?
Billy (as Roxie):
Very frightened
Reporters:
Are you sorry?
Roxie:
Are you kidding?
Reporters:
What’s your statement?
Billy (as Roxie):
All I’d say is
Though my choo-choo jumped my track
I’d give my life to bring him back
Reporters:
And?
Billy (as Roxie):
Stay away from
Reporters:
What?
Billy (as Roxie):
Jazz and liquor
Reporters:
And?
Billy (as Roxie):
And the man who
Reporters:
What?
Billy (as Roxie):
Play for fun
Reporters:
And what?
Billy (as Roxie):
That’s the thought that
Reporters:
Yeah!
Billy (as Roxie):
Came upon me
Reporters:
When?
Billy (as Roxie):
When we both reached for the gun!
Mary Sunshine:
Understandable, understandable
Billy and Mary Sunshine:
Yes, it’s perfectly understandable
Comprehensible, comprehensible
Not a bit reprehensible
It’s so defensible!
Billy: Reporters:
Let me Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Hear it! Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun
A little louder! For the gun.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun, the gun,
Now you got it! The gun, the gun
Oh yes, they both reached
For the gun
For the gun.
Billy and reporters:
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Oh yes, they both reached for the gun.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both
Oh yes, they both
Oh yes, they both reached for
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun.
Billy:
Both reached for the…gun
Reporters:
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun
Both reached for the gun.
First Reporter:
“Stop The Presses!”
Second Reporter:
“‘We Both Reached For The Gun,’ Says Roxie!”
Third Reporter:
“Dancing Feet Lead To Sorrow, Says Beautiful Jazz Slayer!”
Fifth Reporter:
“Jazz And Liquor, Roxie’s Downfall!”
9.ROXIE
Roxie:
The name on everybody’s lips
Is gonna be Roxie
The lady rakin’ in the chips
Is gonna be Roxie
I’m gonna be a celebrity
That means somebody everyone knows
They’re gonna recognize my eyes
My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose
From just some dumb mechanic’s wife
I’m gonna be Roxie
Who says that murder’s not an art?
And who in case she doesn’t hang
Can say she started with a bang?
Foxy Roxie Hart!
Roxie:
You wanna know something? I always wanted to be in vaudeville.
And now that I’m a celebrity, I’m gonna have me a swell act,
too. Yeah, I’ll get a boy to work with – someone who can lift
me up, show me off – Oh, hell, I’ll get two boys. It’ll frame
me better. Think “Big,” Roxie, think “Big.” I’m gonna get me
a whole bunch of boys.
The name on everybody’s lips
Is gonna be
Boys:
Roxie
Roxie:
The lady rakin’ in the chips is gonna be
Boys:
Roxie
She’s gonna be a celebrity
Roxie:
That means somebody everyone knows
Boys:
They’re gonna recognize her eyes
Her hair, her teeth…
Roxie:
…my boobs, my nose
Ooh, ah ah ah
From just some dumb mechanic’s wife
I’m gonna be
Sing it!
Boys:
Roxie
Roxie:
Who says that murder’s not an art?
Boys:
And who in case she doesn’t hang
Roxie:
Can say she started with a bang?
Boys:
Foxy Roxie Hart!
Boys:
They’re gonna wait outside in line
To get to see Roxie
Roxie:
Think of those autographs I’ll sign
“Good luck to you, Roxie”
And I’ll appear in a lavaliere
That goes all the way down to my waist
Boys:
Here a ring, there a ring
Everywhere a ring a ling
Roxie:
But always the best of taste
Oooh, I’m a star.
Boys;
And the audience loves her.
Roxie:
And I love the audience. And the audience loves me for
loving them. And I love the audience for loving me. And
we just love each other. That’s because none of us got
enough love in our childhood.
Boys:
That’s right.
Roxie:
And that’s show biz, kid.
Boys:
Oh, yeah.
She’s giving up her humdrum life
Roxie:
I’m gonna be
Boys:
Roxie.
She made a scandal and a start.
Roxie:
And Sophie Tucker will shit, I know
To see her name get billed below
All:
Foxy Roxie Hart
Boys:
Chuh, chuh, chuh, etc…
Roxie:
Oooh ah ah ah ah ah ah
(As boys exit)
Those are my boys.
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Velma Kelly in an act of desperation.
10.I CAN’T DO IT ALONE
Velma:
My sister and I had an act that couldn’t flop
My sister and I were headed straight for the top
My sister and I eared a thou a week at least
(Oh, sure)
But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased
Oh, I know, it’s sad, of course,
But a fact is still a fact
And now all that remains
Is the remains
Of a perfect double act!
Roxie, do you know you are exactly the same size as my sister?
Oh, you would fit in her wardrobe perfectly. Look, why don’t I
just show you some of the act, huh?
Watch this.
(She dances)
Now, you have to imagine this with two people.
It’s swell with two people.
First I’d….(Drums!)
Then she’d…(Saxophone!)
Then we’d…(Together!)
But I can’t do it alone!
Then she’d…
Then I’d…
Then we’d…
But I can’t do it alone!
She’d say, “What’s your sister like?”
I’d say, “MEN,”
Yuk, yuk, yuk
She’d say, “you’re the cat’s meow”
Then we’d wow
The crowd again
When she’d go…
I’d go…
We’d go…
And then those ding-dong daddies started to roar
Whistled, stomped, and stamped on the floor
Yelling, screaming, begging for more.
And we’d say, “O.K. fellas, keep your socks up.
You ain’t seen nothing yet!”
(She dances.)
Ah, aha, yeah!
But I simply cannot do it alone.
Well? What did ya think? Come on, you can say.
(Roxie gives her raspberry.)
Velma:
O.K. O.K. The first part can always be rewritten. But the
second part was really nifty. Watch this!
Then she’d…(See, get it, right?)
Then I’d…(Then I kick really high…)
Then we’d…
But I can’t do it alone!
She’d say, “What state’s Chicago in?”
I’d say, “ILL!”
Did ya get that?
She’d say, “turn your motor off!”
I can hear ’em cheerin’ still
When she’d go…
I’d go…
We’d go…(Sideways!)
And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brow
To cheer the best attraction in town
They really tore the balcony down
And we’d say, “O.K. fellas, O.K., we’re goin’ home, but
here’s a few more partin’ shots!” And this…this we did
in perfect unison.
(She dances.)
Cymbals crash crash crash
Now, you’ve seen me goin’ through it
You can see there’s nothin’ to it
But I simply cannot do it
Alone!
(Roxie turns her down.)
11.I CAN’T DO IT ALONE (Reprise)
Velma:
Like the deserted bride on her wedding night
All alone and shaking with fright
With her brand new hubby nowhere in sight…
I simply cannot do it alone…
Roxie:
There’s only one person who can help you now, Roxie!
Velma:
There only one person you can count on now, Velma!
ANNOUNCER:
And now, Miss Roxie Hart and Miss Velma Kelly sing a song
of unrelenting determination and unmitigated ego.
12.MY OWN BEST FRIEND
Roxie:
One thing I know
Velma:
One thing I know
Roxie:
And I’ve always known
Velma:
And I’ve always known
Roxie:
I am my own
Velma:
I am my own
Roxie & Velma:
Best friend
Roxie:
Baby’s alive
Velma:
Baby’s alive
Roxie:
But baby’s alone
Velma:
But baby’s alone
Roxie:
And baby’s her own
Velma:
And baby’s her own
Roxie & Velma:
Best friend
Many’s the guy
Who told me he cares
But they were scratchin’ my back
‘Cause I was scratchin’ theirs
Roxie:
And trusting to luck
Velma:
And trusting to luck
Roxie:
That’s only for fools
Velma:
Only for fools
Roxie:
I play in a game
Velma:
I play in a game
Roxie & Velma:
Where I make the rules
And rule number one
From here to the end
Is ‘I am my own best friend’
Three musketees
Who never say die
Are standing here this minute
Velma:
Me
Roxie:
Me
Velma:
Myself
Roxie:
Myself
Velma:
And I!
Roxie:
And I!
Velma & Roxie:
If life is a school
I’ll pass every test
If life is a game
I’ll play it the best
‘Cause I won’t give in
and I’ll never bend
and I am my own best friend!