OVERTURE
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Tell me it’s not true
Say it’s just a story
NARRATOR
So did y’ hear the story
Of the Johnstone twins?
As like each other as two new pins
Of one womb born, on the self same day,
How one was kept and one given away?
An’ did you never hear how the Johnstones died,
Never knowing that they shared one name,
Till the day they died, when a mother cried
My own dear sons lie slain.
An did y’ never hear of the mother so cruel,
There’s a stone in place of her heart?
Then bring her on and come judge for yourselves
How she came to play this part.
MARILYN MONROE
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Once I had a husband
You know the sort of chap,
I met him at a dance
And how he came on with the chat
TEDDY BOY
Ya dancin’. I think you’re a bleedin’ cracker.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
He said my eyes were deep blue pools
My skin as soft as snow.
TEDDY BOY
Lovely.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
He told me I was sexier than Marilyn Monroe
And we went dancing.
We went dancing.
Then, of course, I found
That I was six weeks overdue.
TEDDY BOY
Y’ what !??
MRS. JOHNSTONE
We got married at the registry.
An’ then we had a “do”.
GUESTS
Bring on the Bevvies.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
We all had curly salmon sandwiches
An’ how the ale did flow.
GUESTS
Cheers.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
They said the bride was lovelier than Marilyn Monroe.
GUESTS
And we went dancing,
Yes, we went dancing.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Then the baby came along.
We called him
TEDDY BOY
Darren Wayne.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Then three months on I found that I was in the club again.
TEDDY BOY
I married a bleedin’ rabbit.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
An’ though I still fancied dancing.
My husband wouldn’t go.
TEDDY BOY
Get lost will ya.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
With a wife he said was twice the size of Marilyn Monroe.
No more dancing
No more dancing.
By the time I was twenty-five
I looked like forty-two.
With seven hungry mouths to feed
And one more nearly due
Me husband, he walked out on me
A month or two ago.
TEDDY BOY
Ta-ta.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
For a girl they say who looks a bit like Marilyn Monroe.
And they go dancing.
They go dancing.
Yes, they go dancing,
They go dancing.
MY CHILD
MRS. LYONS
Hello Mrs. J. How are you?
Mrs. J.? Anything wrong?
MRS. JOHNSTONE
I had it all worked out.
With one more baby we could have managed.
But not with two, the welfare have already been on to me.
MRS. LYONS
Twins? You’re expecting twins?
NARRATOR
How quickly an idea, planted, can
Take root and grow into a plan.
The thought conceived in this very room
Grew as surely as a seed, in a mother’s womb.
MRS. LYONS
Give one of them to me.
Please, Mrs. Johnstone. Please.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Are ya…are ya that desperate to have a baby?
MRS. LYONS
Each day I look out from this window
I see him with his friends, I hear him call,
I rush down but as I fold by arms around him
He’s gone. Was he ever there at all?
I’ve dreamed of all the places I would take him
The games we’d play, the stories I would tell.
The jokes we’d share, the clothing I would make him.
I reach out, but as I do, he fades away.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
If my child was raised in a palace like this one
He wouldn’t have to worry where
His next meal was comin’ from
His clothing would be supplied by George Henry Lee
MRS. LYONS
He’d have all his own toys
And a garden to play in
MRS. JOHNSTONE
He could make too much noise
Without the neigbors complainin’
MRS. LYONS
Silver trays to take meals on
MRS. JOHNSTONE
A bike with both wheels on?
MRS. LYONS
And he’d sleep every night
In a bed of his own.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
He wouldn’t get into fights
He’d leave matches alone
And you’d never find him
Effin’ and blindin’
And when he grew up
He could never be told
To stand and queue up.
For hours on end at the dole
He’d grow up to be
MRS. LYONS / MRS. JOHNSTONE
A credit to me
MRS. JOHNSTONE
To you?
MRS. LYONS
Yes.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
I would still be able to see him everyday,
Wouldn’t I?
MRS. LYONS
Of course.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
An’…. An’ you would look after him,
Wouldn’t y’?
MRS. LYONS
I’d keep him warm in the Winter
And cool when it shines
I’d pull out his splinters
Without making him cry
I’d always be there
If his dream became a nightmare
MRS. JOHNSTONE & MRS. LYONS
My child
My child
My child
MRS. LYONS
Mrs. J. we must make this a binding agreement.
NARRATOR
In the name of Jesus, the thing was done,
Now there’s no going back, for anyone,
It’s too late now for feeling torn
There’s a pack been sealed.
There’s a deal been born.
EASY TERMS
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Only mine until
The time comes round
To pay the bill
Then I’m afraid
What can’t be paid
Must be returned
You never, ever learn
That nothing’s yours
On easy terms
Only for a time,
I must not learn
To call you mine
Familiarize
That face those eyes
Make future plans
That cannot be confirmed
On borrowed time
On easy terms
Living on the never never,
Constant as the changing weather,
Never sure
Who’s at the door
Or the price I’ll have to pay
Should we meet again
I will not recongize your name
You can be sure
What’s gone before
Will be concealed
Your friends will never learn
That once we were
On easy terms
Living on the never never,
Constant as the changing weather,
Never sure
Who’s at the door
Or the price I’ll have to pay…
MRS. LYONS
They’re born, you didn’t notify me.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Couldn’t I keep them for a few more days,
They’re a pair, they go together.
MRS. LYONS
My husband is due back tomorrow, Mrs. Johnstone.
I must have my baby. We made an agreement,
A bargain. You swore on the bible.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
You’d better see which one you want
MRS. LYONS
I’ll take …
MRS. JOHNSTONE
No. Don’t tell me which one.
Just take him,
Just take him.
Living on the never never
Constant as the changing weather,
Never sure
Who’s at the door
Or the price I’ll have to pay
Should we meet again…
SHOES UPON THE TABLE
NARRATOR
How swiftly those who’ve made a pact
Can come to overlook the fact
Or wish the reckoning be delayed
But a debt is a debt, and must be paid.
MRS. LYONS
You do know what they say about twins,
Secretly parted, don’t you?
MRS. JOHNSTONE
What? What?
MRS. LYONS
They say that if either twin learns that he was
One of a pair, they shall both immediately die.
It means, Mrs. Johnstone, that these brothers
Shall grow up, unaware of the other’s existence
They shall be raised apart and
Never, ever told what was once the truth..
You won’t tell anyone about this, Mrs. Johnstone.
Because if you do, you will kill them.
NARRATOR
Shoes upon the table
An’ a spider’s been killed.
Someone broke the lookin’ glass
A full moon shinin’
An’ the salt’s been spilled
You’re walking on the pavement cracks
Don’t know what’s gonna come to pass
Now y’know the devil’s got your number
Y’know he’s gonna find you
Y’know he’s right behind you
He’s starin’ through your windows
He’s creeping down the hall
Ain’t no point in clutching
At your rosary
You’re always gonna know what was done
Even when you shut your eyes you still see
That you sold a son
And you can’t tell anyone
But y’know the devil’s got your number
Y’know he’s gonna find you
Y’know he’s right behind you
He’s standin’ on your step
And he’s knocking at your door.
He’s knocking at your door.
He’s knocking at your door.
JULY 18TH
EDWARD
What’s your name?
MICKEY
Michael Johnstone. But everyone calls me Mickey.
What’s yours?
EDWARD
Edward Lyons.
MICKEY
D’ they call y’ Eddie?
EDWARD
No.
MICKEY
Well, I will.
EDWARD
Will you?
MICKEY
Yeh. How old are y’ Eddie?
EDWARD
Seven.
MICKEY
I’m older than you. I’m nearly eight.
EDWARD
Well, I’m nearly eight, really.
MICKEY
When’s your birthday?
EDWARD
July the eighteenth.
MICKEY
So is mine.
EDWARD
Is it really?
MICKEY
Eh, we were born on the same day — that means
we can be blood brothers.
Do you wanna be my blood brother, Eddie?
EDWARD
Yes, please.
KIDS GAME
SAMMY
I got ya. I shot ya
And ya bloody know I did
I got ya. I shot ya
LINDA
I stopped it with the bin lid.
SAMMY
Bin lid — but
You know that if you cross your fingers
ALL
And if you can count from one
You can get up off the ground again
It doesn’t matter
The whole thing’s just a game.
MICKEY
What are we going to play now?
LINDA
Gangsters.
PERKINS
My name is Elliot Ness
And lady here’s my card.
I’m looking for one Al Capone
ALL
Who?
PERKINS
Mac, check the back.
Sarge, you check the yard!
DONNA MARIE
But pal, I’ve told y’Al ain’t home!
PERKINS
Oh, yeh. Bang, bang, bang.
So, lady, can I use your telephone?
SAMMY
He missed.
MICKEY, LINDA AND PERKINS
But you know that if you cross your fingers
And if you count from one to ten
You can get up off the ground again.
ALL
It doesn’t matter. The whole thing’s just a game.
SAMMY
Cowboys
COWBOY
When I say, “Draw!”
You’d better grab that gun
And maybe say a little prayer
Cos I’m the fastest draw
That man, you ever saw
Call up your woman. Say goodbye to her
DONNA MARIE
Shame!
COWBOY
Cos ya know you’re goin’ right down there
SAMMY
Bazooka!
MICKEY
Indians
ALL
But you know that if you cross your fingers
And if you count from one to ten
You can get up off the ground again.
It doesn’t matter, the whole thing’s just a
PERKINS
Watch out!
SAMMY
My name’s Professor Howe,
An’ zees bomb I ‘old,
Eet can destroy ze ’emisphere,
I’ve primed it, I’ve timed it
To explode,
Unless you let me out of here
ALL
No!
SAMMY
Then I suggest you cover your ears
LINDA
But you know that if you cross your fingers
LINDA AND DONNA MARIE
And if you count from one to ten
ALL
You can get up off the ground again,
It doesn’t matter,
The whole thing’s just a game
The whole thing’s just a game
The whole thing’s just a game
GYPSIES IN THE WOOD
MICKEY
Eddie…
Y’ comin’ out?
EDDIE
My mum says I haven’t got to play with you.
MICKEY
Well, my mum says I haven’t got to play with
You. But take no notice of mothers. They’re soft.
Come on, I’ve got Linda with me.
She’s a girl, but she’s alright.
MRS. LYONS
Edward, Edward, Edward…
NARRATOR
There’s gypsies in the wood
And they’ve been watchin’ you
They wanna take your baby away,
There’s gypsies in the wood,
And they’ve been calling you
Can Edward please come out and play
Please can he come with us and play?
Ya know the devil’s got your number
Ya know he’s gonna find you,
Ya know he’s right behind ya
He’s starin’ through your windows,
He’s creepin’ down the hall.
LONG SUNDAY AFTERNOON / MY FRIEND
MICKEY
No kids out on the street today.
You could be living on the moon.
Maybe everybody’s packed their bags
And moved away
Gonna be a long, long, long
Sunday afternoon.
Just killing time and kicking cans around
Try to remember jokes I knew,
I tell ’em to myself,
But they’re not funny since I found
It’s gonna be a long, long, long
Sunday afternoon.
My best friend
Always had sweets to share,
Knew every word in the dictionary
He was clean, neat and tidy
From Monday to Friday,
I wish that I could be like
Wear clean clothes, talk properly like
Do sums and history like
EDWARD AND MICKEY
My friend
My friend
EDWARD
My best friend
He could swear like a soldier
You would laugh till you died
At the stories he told ya
He was untidy
From Monday to Friday
I wish that I could be like
Kick a ball and climb a tree like
Run around with dirty knees like
EDWARD AND MICKEY
My friend
My friend
MICKEY
Feels like everybody stayed in bed
Or maybe I woke too soon.
Am I the last survivor?
Is everybody dead?
On this long, long, long
Sunday afternoon.
BRIGHT NEW DAY
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Oh, bright new day,
We’re movin’ away
MICKEY
Why mum?
MRS. JOHNSTONE
We’re startin’ all over again
MICKEY
Linda … Linda.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Oh. Bright new day
We’re going away
SAMMY
Where?
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Where nobody’s heard of our name
SAMMY
Moving away — from here?
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Where we can begin again,
Feel we can win and then
Live just like livin’ should be.
Got a new situation,
A new destination
And no reputation following me.
MICKEY
Linda we’re movin’…
LINDA
So are we!
MRS. JOHNSTONE
We’re getting out
We’re movin’ house
We’re starting all over again.
MICKEY AND SAMMY
Yabba dabba do!
MRS. JOHNSTONE
We’re leavin’ this mess
For our new address
“Sixty-five Skelmersdale Lane”
SAMMY
Is that in the country, mother?
DONNA MARIE
What’s it like there?
MRS. JOHNSTONE
The air is so pure
You get drunk just by breathing,
And the washing stays clean on the line.
Where there’s space for the kids
The garden’s so big,
It would take you a week
Just to reach the far side
Come on Sammy, Mickey, now you’ve all gotta help ’em
Would you excuse us, we’ve gotta pack
We’re movin’ away
NEIGHBOUR
Oh, that’s too bad.
POSTMAN
Oh, isn’t it sad
POLICEMAN
Praise the lord, he has delivered us at last
NEIGHBOUR
We mustn’t scoff!
NEIGHBOUR
The Johnstones are off
ALL
Clap your hands
Grab your whistle
Give it a blast
POSTMAN
Goodbye to the riff raff
The trash and the trouble
NEIGHBOUR
Goodbye to the scum and the scruff
MILKMAN
Wherever you’re going
We hope you go knowing
ALL
That as far as you’re going
Won’t be far enough!
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Just pack the bags,
We’re leavin’ the rags,
The wobbly wardrobe,
Chest of drawers that never close.
The two legged chair, the carpet so bare.
You wouldn’t see it if it wasn’t for the holes
Now that we’re movin’
Now that we’re improvin’
Let’s just wash our hands of this lot
For it’s no longer fitting, for me to be sitting
On a sofa, I know for a fact was knocked off
POLICEMAN
Knocked off.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
We might get a car,
Be all ‘lahdie dah’,
An’ go drivin’ out to the sands.
LINDA
We’re coming too!
MRS. JOHNSTONE
At the weekend,
A gentleman friend,
Might take me dancing
To the local bands
We’ll have a front room
And then if it should happen,
That His Holiness flies in from Rome,
He can sit there with me,
Eating toast, drinking tea
In the sort of surroundings
That remind him of home.
MICKEY
It’s like the country isn’t it, mum?
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Ey, we’ll be alright out there son.
Away from the muck an’ the dirt an’ the bloody trouble
Eh, I could dance. Come here.
MICKEY
Get off…
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Oh, bright new day,
We’re movin’ away,
We’re startin’ all over again.
Oh, bright new day,
We’re goin’ away,
Where’ nobody’s heard of our name.
SAMMY
Come on gang.
Let’s go and play in that field,
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Mickey, an’ what are you laughin’ at?
MICKEY
I’m not laughin’. I’m smilin’. I haven’ seen you happy like this for ages.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Well, I am happy now, eh? Jesus, where’s the others?
MICKEY
They went into that field, mum.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Sammy! Sammy! Get off that bleedin’ cow before I kill you.
That cow’s a bull.
MRS. JOHNSTONE
Now we can begin again,
Feel we can win an’ then,
Live just like livin’ should be.
Got a new situation,
A new destination,
An’ no reputation following me.
ALL
We’re gettin’ out we’re movin’ house
We’re goin’ away. Gettin’ out today.
We’re movin’ movin’ movin’ movin’ movin’ house.
We’re goin’ away, oh, bright new day.