Betty Blue Eyes

In a small Northern English town in 1947 the citizens endure continuing food rationing. Belts are being tightened and the country’s long-suffering citizens are being told by the government that there will be fair shares for all in return for surviving Austerity Britain. (Overture (Austerity Britain) / Fair Shares for All). Meanwhile local officials feather their own nests by taking far more than their own fair share. They are planning an exclusive banquet to celebrate the impending marriage of Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip.

Chiropodist Gilbert Chilvers dreams of better days, including the day he could afford to have his own storefront right on the main street (A Place on the Parade). His wife Joyce arrives with her mother, who lives with them, and finds him daydreaming about his store. They see a building for sale, and she encourages him to make an offer on it. He tries to speak to the landlord, but is too tongue-tied, so Joyce steps in. To Gilbert’s surprise, the owner agrees to meet with him and draw up the paperwork.

Without a store of his own, Gilbert makes house calls on his clients, primarily the lonely women of the town, many of whom have lost loved ones in the War. In his gentle care for their feet, they find a comfort and companionship that is lacking in their lives (Magic Fingers). Instead of taking their money, he asks them to pay him in ration coupons.

Joyce and Mother are waiting in line for their meat ration, and run into one of Joyce’s piano students and her mother, who happen to belong to one of the best families in town. Joyce has overheard planning for the big banquet, and tries to secure an invitation, but is told in no uncertain terms that she is a “nobody” who wouldn’t be welcome. Meanwhile, the butcher shop is shut down for selling illegal meat, leaving all the women with nothing to take home. The meat inspector, Wormwold, takes great relish in destroying the contraband goods, to the general horror of everyone else (Painting by Heart).

At home, Joyce is doing the best she can with the food rationing and has managed to turn Spam into something of an art form. When Gilbert comes home and learns about the banquet and that they haven’t been invited, he fails to understand why she cares so much about belonging to the town’s elite. But Joyce is convinced that she is “somebody” and won’t be ignored (Nobody).

Meanwhile, the three top businessmen in town who are planning the banquet visit the farmer who is looking after their prize possession – an “illegal pig”. They would all be in deep trouble if the pig were discovered. But the risk is worth it for them to be able to throw the best dinner party in town (A Private Function). When Gilbert arrives to visit the farmer’s wife for her chiropody appointment, he stumbles across their secret. One of the men has grown quite attached to the pig, and shares his appreciation of her charms with Gilbert (Betty Blue Eyes).

Joyce and Mother have managed to get to the front of the ration line when another butcher shop opens and are in the middle of ordering a big cut of fresh meat when the inspector arrives and announces that the meat is actually horse meat. He shuts the shop down and declares the meat must be destroyed. The desperate women revolt (The Riot).

Gilbert goes to his meeting with the shop owner, only to find out that he is not deemed suitable to own a shop on the parade, and he cannot buy the store. Joyce wishes Gilbert would be be more forceful in trying to raise their status in the town. She remembers how they met, when she was at a dance hall with her best friend during the War, and a bomb went off, leaving her friend dead. Gilbert was part of the rescue services, and his calm and gentle nature as he saved her was what made her fall in love with him (Lionheart).

When she learns about the pig, she hits upon the idea of stealing it as revenge for all their slights. The businessmen will be devastated to find their pig gone, and the banquet will have to be cancelled. In a feat of daring, Gilbert manages to bring the pig home, though the meat inspector suspects that something is up on the farm (Steal the Pig).

Gilbert and Joyce celebrate their successful capture of the pig, who they temporarily store in the bathroom (Another Little Victory). Joyce figures they should get rid of the evidence immediately and encourages Gilbert to get it over with (Kill the Pig). However, when he looks into the pig’s blue eyes, he’s unable to end her life.

The stench of the pig is attracting attention to the Chilvers’ home (It’s an Ill Wind). Mother overhears Gilbert and Joyce planning the pig’s execution, and assumes they are talking about her. To calm her down, the couple lets her in on their secret, but tries to explain that if asked, she must not tell anyone that the pig is there (Pig No Pig). The meat inspector drops by to have Gilbert look at his feet, but can’t smell the pig because he has lost his sense of smell. Joyce’s piano student finds the pig in the bathroom and causes panic, but they manage to keep the pig hidden.

Joyce demands that Gilbert finish the job, and he remembers a time when she wasn’t so disappointed in him (The Kind of Man I Am). Meanwhile, the town elite are bemoaning the loss of their pig (A Piss Stained, Piss Poor Country) when they hear rumours of the going-ons at the Chilvers. They arrive and are temporarily put off by Joyce, but eventually find Betty, leading to a happy reunion (Betty Blue Eyes – Reprise).

Recognizing he can’t put it off any longer, Gilbert and the butcher go into the bathroom to kill the pig. The banquet finally begins, with Joyce and Gilbert in pride of place due to a little blackmail on Joyce’s part. (A Private Function – Reprise). Everyone is just about to enjoy the roast pig when the meat inspector arrives. All appears to be lost, until it is revealed that Gilbert did not kill Betty after all, and the roast they are about to eat is in fact another of Joyce’s Spam creations (Finale Ultimo – Confessions).

Joyce receives a letter for Gilbert from Princess Elizabeth, thanking him for the ration coupons he sent as a wedding gift. She realizes she has been too hard on him, and his kindness and gentleness is what she has always loved in him (Magic Fingers – Reprise). The town celebrates the royal wedding and a brighter future (Goodbye Austerity Britain).