HOLD ME, BAT BOY
Man #1
In a cave many miles to the south
Lives a boy born with fangs in his mouth.
Sleeping until the fading light,
Flying through bloody dreams;
When he awakes the summer night is filled with screams.
Women
You have heard he was born in the bogs.
That he feeds on the flies and the frogs.
Man #2
You call him “Beast” or “Changeling”;
Man #3
Or “Demon Chimpanzee”;
Man #4
But we will prove he’s no such thing:
All
He’s much like me! And me!
Oh, hold me, Bat Boy! Touch me, Bat Boy!
Help me through the night.
Love me, Bat Boy! Save me, Bat Boy!
Make it all turn out all right!
Man #2
He was dragged from his home and thrown down
At the edge of a coal mining town.
Man #5
They stripped him of his dignity,
Man #1
They beat him like a gong.
Man #3
And he was kicked repeatedly,
All
And that was wrong! So wrong!
Oh Hold the Bat Boy-
Woman
Won’t you hold him!
All
Touch the Bat Boy-
Woman
Won’t you touch him!
All
Bring him to the light!
Woman
Bring him to the light!
All
Love the Bat Boy-
Woman
Won’t you love him!
All
Save the Bat Boy-
Woman
Somebody save him!
All
Make it all turn out all right!
Would no one defend him, protect him, befriend him,
would none hear his cry?
Woman
Yeah, would none hear his cry, y’all?
All
Or would they detest him, arrest him, molest him?
Woman #4
Or just let him die?
All
You can’t just stand by.
Man #5
He has suffered and now it’s your turn.
You are here not to laugh; but to learn.
Woman #4
Listen to his ungodly shriek,
Watch what they put him through.
Men
Heed the tale of a filthy freak-
All
Who’s just like you! And you! And you! Ohhh!
Hold me Bat Boy (Hold me Bat Boy)
Touch me Bat Boy (Touch me Bat Boy)
Won’t you help me through the night
Make it all turn out all right! (Make it all turn out all right!)
Love me Bat Boy (Love me Bat Boy)
Save me Bat Boy (Save me Bat Boy)
I’ve been calling out your name
Come and take away my shame! (Come and take away my shame!)
Hold me Bat Boy (Hold me Bat Boy)
Touch me Bat Boy (Touch me Bat Boy)
You hear me cry when no one hears,
Won’t you lick away my tears!
Love me Bat Boy (Love me Bat Boy)
Save me Bat Boy (Save me Bat Boy)
Sink your fangs into my soul
Only you can make me whole!
Hold me Bat Boy
Touch me Bat Boy
Hold me in your arms tonight!
CHRISTIAN CHARITY
(Bat Boy is shreiking)
Sheriff
Evening folks!
Shelley
Whatcha got?
Sheriff
Doctor home?
Meredith
No, he’s not.
Sheriff
When’s he back?
Meredith
An hour or so.
Shelley
The heck is that?
Sheriff
Well, I don’t know.
Meredith
What in the world?
Shelley
Where did you find?
Meredith
What is he doing?
Shelley
He’s out of his mind!
Meredith
Is he in pain?
Shelley
Is he insane?
Sheriff
Maybe and possibly, let me explain.
(Sheriff knocks Bat Boy down with his pistol.)
Meredith and Shelley
No!
Sheriff
Aw, heck. Maybe I shouldn’tve done that.
But that boy was hoppin’ like a scalded dog.
Meredith
Boy?
Sheriff
Maybe. Frankly, that’s why I’m here.
I figure maybe we need a veterinarian to sort this out.
I’m hoping Dr. Parker will know what to do.
I didn’t know where else to take him…
Shelley
Mom!
Meredith
Shelley, quiet!
Sheriff
Can’t go to jail, he’s underage.
Shelley
Mom!
Meredith
Shelley, quiet!
Sheriff
Folks up at the Med School, bet they’d carve him up or bake him.
I’d send the FBI a page, but I don’t think we’re at that stage-
So, here he is folks, he’s all yours.
Couldn’t leave him out of doors, creepin’ on all fours.
We could always shoot him but that don’t seem right to me.
‘N I can’t rid myself o’ my Christian Charity.
Shelley
Can we see him?
Meredith
Shelley- get away!
Sheriff
You listen to your mother, Shelley.
You don’t want to be near if it wakes up.
It bit one of the Taylor kids.
Meredith
Shelley, don’t stare- Shelley, don’t poke.
What is this, sheriff, some kind of sick joke?
Shelley
Mom, he’s so gross! Mom, can he stay?
Sheriff
Shel, I was hopin’ you’d see it that way.
I’m comin’ up for re-election.
Shelley
Mom!
Meredith
Shelley, quiet!
Sheriff
I gotta bring this thing to heel.
Shelley
Mom!
Meredith
Shelley, quiet!
Sheriff
A boy with his complexion’s gonna meet with some objections,
‘N I think I know how folks will feel once they hear this “Bat Child” is for real.
Shelley
It’s a bat child? MOM! We gotta keep it!
Meredith
All right, sheriff. Dr. Parker has some cages. I’ll take care of the boy for you.
Sheriff
Ah, that’s great, Meredith. I can’t thank you enough for the favor.
And if he turns into a pain, call me, I’ve got stun guns and a chain
Shelley
Whoa!
Meredith
Oh!
Sheriff(overlapping)
So here he is folks, he’s all yours.
I couldn’t leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours.
We may have to put him down-
Meredith (overlapping)
Don’t stare, Shelley- please don’t poke.
Don’t touch him, Shelley, don’t provoke.
Shelley (overlapping)
Mom! Look at him! I know but Mom…
Look at him! What’s wrong with him?
All
For now we’ll wait and see!
Sheriff and Meredith
We can’t rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
Sheriff (overlapping)
So, here he is folks, he’s all yours.
Couldn’t leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours.
Those thunderclouds are closing in-
Meredith (overlapping)
Don’t stare, Shelley, please don’t poke.
Don’t touch him, Shelley, don’t provoke!
Shelley (overlapping)
Mom!
Mom!
All
We can’t just let him be.
We can’t rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
We can’t rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
Shelley
Mom!
Meredith
Shelley, quiet!
UGLY BOY
(Bat Boy is shrieking)
Shelley
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! shutupshutupshutupshutup!
Such an ugly boy…
Meredith
He’s just different.
Shelley
Like a stinky bony rat.
Meredith
Well, you wanted to keep him.
Shelley
I didn’t know he’d look like that!
Meredith
Shelley!
Shelley
Well, look at him!
(Thunder clap)
Meredith
Oh my, its going to be quite a storm.
Shelley
Stupid starving freak.
Meredith
Shelley, that’s not nice.
Shelley
Doesn’t have the sense to eat.
Meredith
We just haven’t figured out what he needs.
Shelley
Dropping dead right at my feet.
Meredith
Shelley!
Shelley
Just look at him…
Meredith
He’s just… tired.
Shelley
That’s my mom. See, she cries ev’ry time a stray dog dies.
Meredith
Well, I feel bad for them.
Shelley
No one calls.
Meredith
Sure they call…
Shelley
No one claims.
Meredith
Sometimes…
Shelley
So we put them down and never learn their names…
Meredith
Well, we can name him, sweetheart. What would you like to call him?
Shelley
BAT BOY.
Meredith
Or maybe… Edgar. (calls to him) Ed-gar!
Bat Boy (looks at her)
Gggnnnnnnwwgwooo?
Meredith
Look! He likes that name! Edgar it is!
Shelley
Such an ugly boy.
Meredith
I’ll try to make him something to eat.
Shelley
Guess we can’t just turn him loose.
Meredith
Stay away from the cage.
Shelley
I’m afraid he’ll reproduce.
WATCHA WANNA DO?
Rick
Your dad’s just going to kill it, right?
Shelley
(Shrugs)
So watcha wanna do tonight?
Rick
Hey there little freak
You remember me?
We were never introduced properly
Hey, you gonna cry?
You don’t look so tough
By the light of day
But we ain’t gonna murder you right away
First we gonna buy you lots o’ fancy clothes!
And make you clip your toes!
And watch you walk around in makeup and pantyhose!
Shelley
We gonna take you back
Out by the railroad track
Rick and Shelley
And leave your body for the dogs as a midnight snack
Rick
Your papa was a pig!
Shelley
Your mama was a snake!
Rick
We’re gonna snap you like a twig and dump you in the lake!
Shelley
We gonna chain your arm
To an atomic bomb
And make you take your grandmama to the senior prom!
(Shelley makes hip-hop stratching noises, or tries anyway)
What?
Rick
Dude, you are so hot.
(to Bat Boy) But first I’ll show you what I wanna do tonight
I’m here to bounce it with my crew tonight
We’ll make sweet love in front of you tonight!
Shelley
Ew!
Rick
Uh huh! Uh huh!
Uh huh! Uh huh!
Shelley
You know my mom is right upstairs tonight
Rick
That chick is fully unawares tonight
And if she catches up, who cares tonight…?
Shelley
Me!
Rick
Uh huh! Uh huh!
Shelley
Uh huh! Uh huh!
Rick
Uh huh! Uh huh!
Shelley
Uh huh! Uh huh!
(They make out. Bat Boy imitates their noises.)
Bat Boy
A ha a ha a ha a hah!
A ha a ha a ha a hah!
Rick
You freak! Can’t you mind your own business, Bat Boy?
Shelley
Stay away from the cage!
Rick
What…you wanna bite me like you bit my sister?
You wanna piece of me? Tough guy?….
(Bat Boy suddenly jerks his head at Rick and screams)
That little freak. Did you see that?
Shelley
I told you
Rick
Why you trin’ to step to me, little creep?
Are you throwin down with me, little freak?
Watcha gonna do?
Shelley
Rick…
Rick
Come on little coward
Let’s get it on
I’m gonna make you wish you were never born!
When I’m through with you
| Rick
I’ll show you how I spill your brain tonight! I’ll run you over like a train tonight I’ll put you in a world o’ pain tonight So come on, come on, come on, come on I shoulda brought my loaded gun tonight! But stompin’ you will be more fun tonight! You’re gonna pay for what you done tonight! So wooo-eeee-yaaaah! I’m takin’ out my bowie knife tonight I’m gonna end your worthless life tonight! I’m makin’ you my prison wife tonight! Aaaaaaaah! Come on! |
Shelley
Rick! Stop it! Help! Mom! Mom! Help! Mom, Rick’s being a pill! Omigod… Mom! |
A HOME FOR YOU
Meredith
Poor little person with eyes so sad, where in the dark did they hide you?
What have you seen that could teach you that haunted stare?
Poor little creature, it makes me mad, to think of the childhood denied you
but give me a chance and we’ll make it all right, I swear.
‘Cause we’re not here to harm you or make you feel ashamed.
You can make mistakes here and you won’t be blamed.
So show us how to help you, and if we pull you through,
then we will find a home for you.
Home is a word that you should have learned. Home is where people accept you.
People who treat you with love, which is awfully rare.
Family’s a place where your trust is earned by folks who are happy they kept you.
We’ll find a family who won’t let you down, I swear.
‘Cause we’re not here to harm you, or-
Bat Boy
Oo Oo Oo Oo Oooo
Meredith
Oo oo Oo oo Oo oo?
Bat Boy
Oo oo oo oo ooO.
Both
Oo Ooo OOO ooo Ooo ooOoo- Ooo oooO
Meredith
No, we’re not here to harm you and make you feel ashamed,
You can make mistakes here and you won’t be blamed!
So teach us how to love you, and once the night is through, then we have have a home for you.
So show me what to give you, see, look- I made a stew.
And somehow if you make it through, then this might be a home for you.
Bat Boy
Oo oo Oo Oo oo!
ANOTHER DEAD COW
Maggie
Boys, it’s time for you to wake up and smell the music.
We obviously got ourselves a predicament.
Bud
All right! I admit it!
Bossie’s thin as fishin’ pole
Ned
Bessie’s flat as a flounder
Roy
Little Bonnie, God rest her soul
Was barely one quarter-pounder
Bud
I checked my bovine manual
And I find no definition
Bud and Ned
Even this revised edition
Does not mention malnutrition!
Roy
Gussie died of a hacking cough
Clara drowned in the feeding trough
All Three
Why would the Lord wanna carry them off?
All but Bud
Dang!
We got another dead cow
And the rent is overdue
Bud
Dang! We got another dead cow
We’re facin’ poverty
All but Roy
Got another dead cow
And we’re up to twenty-two
Roy
Better make that twenty-three!
All but Ned
Sweet Jesus, now I’m petrified
Ned
Sweet Jesus, now I’m petrified
They’re gonna reposess my double-wide!
All
Got another dead cow
And I’m thinking of blaming –
Maggie
– You wanna be watching that kind of talk, let’s not go there.
Let’s guide this train of thought back towards the depot.
We gotta figure out what’s wrong with these cows.
All
Something’s making ’em
Cough and wheeze
Slowly driving them to their knees
Bud
It’s gotta be some contagious disease!
All
A plague!
All but Maggie
We got another dead cow
And we don’t know why they die…
Maggie
We got another dead cow
And we don’t know why they die…
We’ve got to find a link
All but Bud
We got another dead cow
And apocalypse draws nigh
Bud
We got another dead cow
And apolcalypse draws nigh
You went to college, think!
All but Lorraine
Well, something’s bound to raise a flag –
Lorraine
Like that little bat boy they found in the bag?…
(pause)
All
Got another dead co – ….
Got another d – ….
Got ano – …
G – ….
Got another dead cow
But I’m tellin’ you now
I am makin’ a vow
By the sweat of my brow
Gonna figger out who and what and how
And why!
Roy
It is like they’ve been bled…
Ned, Maggie, Lorraine
…why…
Bud
Do you think Dr. Parker will put it down?
Ned, Maggie, Roy, Bud
…why…
Lorraine
Well, Dr. Parker’s a good man.
Bud, Maggie, Roy
…why…
Lorraine
He’ll just kill it.
All
Why!
DANCE WITH ME, DARLING
Meredith
We have to let him live. I’m begging you. As your wife.
Dr. Parker
You haven’t been a wife to me in years.
Meredith
I could be.
Dr. Parker
…Tonight?
Meredith
Uh…
Dr. Parker
Tonight?
Meredith
…Let me get you a drink.
Dr. Parker
But there was a time, you know
When you would dance with me
Once long ago, there was love in your eyes
You were so light in my arms
We danced five hours or more
We were the last on the floor
With the sun soon to rise….
The band played one final song
And you were humming along
Oh, dance with me, darling
We haven’t danced
Since I don’t know when
Do you remember that song, Meredith?
Dance with me, darling
Won’t you embrace me
Kiss me in case we don’t meet again
I’ve heard a rumor
Barely a whisper
Claiming that we were through
So dance with me, darling
Show them that it’s not true
Meredith
So you’ll do it?
Dr. Parker
So you’ll do it?
Meredith
Yes.
Dr. Parker
(to Bat Boy)
Did you hear that?
I guess that makes us “pals”.
‘Cause not I can’t say no
Tonight she smiled at me
It just goes to show
Someone up there still cares
I prayed this day would arrive
When she’d return to my arms
Now if I keep you alive
I can join her upstairs
I see a way to proceed
So we both can get what we need.
Oh
The Voices in Dr. Parker’s Head
Dance with me, darling
Doo dooby doo doo
Doo dooby doo…
Dr. Parker
Dance with me, darling
La da da da,
Da da da da da da da da
Oh, dance with me, darling
Da da da da da
Da da da da da
Da da da da
Surely it’s more than moonlight and music
Surely it’s more than wine
Dr. Parker and Voices
So dance with me, darling
Show them that you’re still mine!
(Dr. Parker cuts the throat of the goose and pours the blood into a bowl. He forces Bat Boy’s head into the bowl, making him drink deeply. Lightening. Thunder.)
Voices
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aaaaaaahhhhh!
Dr. Parker
Surely the gods must want us together
Don’t fight their grand design
No, dance with me, darling…
Voices
Ah ah ah ah ah…
Dr. Parker
Dance with me, darling…
Voices
Ah ah ah ah ah…
Dr. Parker
And be forever mine!
Voices
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aaaaaaahhhhh!
MRS. TAYLOR’S LULLABY
Ruthie
Monster! Monster!
Mrs. Taylor
Hush, baby.
Ruthie
Bat monster! Bat monster! Bat monster!
Mrs. Taylor
Sleep little Ruthie baby no one’s gonna hurt you,
Sheriff’s gonna have that little freak destroyed,
Or if he’s a coward and he won’t protect my children,
Mama’s gonna get the sheriff unemployed.
Sleep little Ruthie baby don’t you fear no Bat Boy,
Mama’s gonna hunt him down and bring him here.
Then you can skin him and wear him as a jacket,
and we’ll string a necklace with a dried bat ear.
SHOW YOU A THING OR TWO
Meredith
You are such a smart boy!
We’ll turn you into a proper young man in no time.
Here is a cat…
Bat Boy
Hee ba za cat.
Meredith
There is a goose.
Bat Boy
Zi ba za goose.
Meredith
This is a rat.
Bat Boy
Zi bi za wat.
Meredith
And that is a moose.
Bat Boy
Ba ba ba ba boose.
Meredith
The cat crept up behind the goose but then away it flew.
Bat Boy
Flu
Meredith
The rat was jealous of a moose who loved a kangaroo.
Bat Boy
Ru.
Meredith
The cat and rat gave up and found a flat in Timbuktu.
Bat Boy
Tu.
Meredith
And now-
Bat Boy
And now-
Meredith
Review-
Bat Boy
Review-
Meredith
We read the whole way through!
Bat Boy
Caa, goose, Raa, moose, Kangaroow, tibuktoow!
Meredith
Understand?
Bat Boy
Yes I do!
Meredith
Good for you!
I’ll show you a thing or two
Bat Boy
Two.
Meredith
I’ll teach you to name it.
Bat Boy
Nane it.
Meredith
Sure its tough but you’ll tame it.
Bat Boy
Tane it. (chews book)
Meredith
You’ll soon complete it and- wait, don’t eat it.
Bat Boy
Oh.
Meredith
I’ll show you the way its done, then I’ll leave it to you.
And whaddaya know, you may show me a thing or two.
Shelley
Hi Mom!
Meredith
Hello, Shelley. How was school, dear?
Shelley
It was great! How’s Bat Boy doing today?
Meredith
Edgar is coming along nicely. We were just watching Masterpeice Theatre on PBS.
Shelley
How do you do?
Bat Boy
How do you do?
Shelley
Lovely, and you?
Bat Boy
Lovely, and you?
Shelley
Won’t you sit down?
Bat Boy
Won’t you sit down?
Shelley
Don’t mind if I do.
Bat Boy
Don’t mind if I do.
Shelley
The weather would be perfect if it weren’t quite so hot.
Bat Boy
Hot.
Meredith
I fear we’re out of sandwiches, that butler should be shot.
Bat Boy
Shot.
Shelley/Meredith
But won’t you stay the night we’re having dinner on the yacht!
Bat Boy
Yacht?
Meredith
Now ready-
Bat Boy
What?
Meredith
Or not,
Bat Boy
Not!
Meredith
Show me what you’ve got.
Bat Boy
Bow deep, kiss hand, pull chair, look bland.
Pour the tea, pass the jam
Meredith
Are we clear?
Bat Boy
Yes, ma’am!
(Bat Boy spills the tea and all dishes go flying. He panics.
Meredith calms him.)
Meredith
I’ll show you a thing or two. Don’t cry, it’s okay, dear.
Rome’s not built in a day, dear.
Bat Boy
Hah?
Meredith
A bit more schooling, a lot less drooling.
Meredith/Shelley
Easy does it, that’s how its done.
Soon you’ll pick up your cue,
Then whaddaya know, you may show us a thing or two!
Dr. Parker
Honey, I’m home!
Shelley
Hi, Daddy! How was work?
Dr. Parker
Great! How is Edgar coming along?
Meredith
This week’s been a little rocky, dear.
Shelley
We’re trying flash cards.
Bat Boy
Champs-Elysees?
Meredith
Parthenon.
Bat Boy
Great White Way?
Shelley
Everglades.
Bat Boy
Berlin Wall?
Dr. Parker
Autobahn.
Bat Boy
Carnegie Hall?
Meredith
Ice Capades.
Bat Boy
Pentagon?
Shelley
Golden Gate.
Bat Boy
Amazon?
Dr. Parker
Rio Grande.
Bat Boy
Taj Majal!
Shelley
Empire State.
Bat Boy
Wailing Wall?
Meredith
Disneyland.
(Bat Boy whines in defeat)
Dr. Parker
Perhaps I should have a word with the boy. Let me talk to him over here for a moment!
I’ll show you a thing or two. Sure, kid, you feel weary.
Head’s all fuzzy and bleary.
I know you’re leery. But here’s my theory.
Keep sluggin’- that’s how it’s done.
Soon you’re bound to break through!
And whaddaya know, you may-
Bat Boy
Wait a minute!
Dr. Parker/Meredith
Whaddaya know, you may-
Bat Boy
I think I’ve got it!
Dr. Parker/Meredith/Shelley
Whaddaya know, you may-
Bat Boy
Eureka!
Dr. Parker/Meredith/Shelley
Show me!
Bat Boy
Brooklyn Bridge, Lenin’s Tomb, Watergate, Rainbow Room!
Ruby Ridge, Liberty Bell, Bering Strait, Bates Motel!
Spartacus, Fargo, And Anchors Aweigh!
Love Story, Key Largo, Remains Of The Day!
Puccini, Otello, Bellini, Wayne Shorter and Elvis Costello!
Shelley
Mom, Edgar just finished his essay for his high school equivalency exam!
Bat Boy
I will discuss Copernicus who ruined all our fun,
And showed we’re just a ball of dust that limps around the sun.
Which brings me then to Darwin, when he bent us out of shape
As he began to prove that man is nephew to an ape.
We were annoyed when Doctor Freud declared it’s not a soul,
It is your blind subconsious mind that’s always in control.
But I submit that any twit if he had eyes to see,
Can seize his fate; self-educate; and turn out just like me!
(All Cheer)
All
Shirts, shoes, pants, vest.
Can’t go out there underdressed.
Collar pressed, look your best.
And won’t they be impressed! ‘Cause:
I’ll/He’ll show ’em a thing or two!
I was dirty and rowdy (rowdy)
Even dressed a bit dowdy (dowdy)
But now say:
Others
Howdy!
All
To a summa cum laude!
I’ll/He’ll show ’em the way it’s done!
But no applause I’m/He’s not through!
Bat Boy
I’m gonna Vince Van Gogh’em
All
And Henry Thoreau’em
Bat Boy
And Plato-
All
And Cato-
Bat Boy
And Edgar Allen Poe’em
All
Gonna Jean Cocteau’em
Bat Boy
And Jacques Cousteau’em
All
Fellini-
Bat Boy
Houdini-
All
And Michaelangelo’em
Bat Boy
Gonna Jackie O’em
All
Marilyn Monroe’em
Bat Boy
Botticelli-
All
Machiavelli-
Bat Boy
Larry, Curly and Moe’em
And whaddaya know, once you-
All
Learn to crawl-ah
Bat Boy
You suddenly grow to be-
All
Ten feel tall-ah
Bat Boy
So buddy I’m going to-
All
-show ’em all a thing or two.
Bat Boy
Or two! Or two!
All
Show ’em a thing or two!
CHRISTIAN CHARITY (REPRISE)
Sheriff
Settle down, folks! Now, Dr. Parker, we thought maybe you could just take the boy out of town for the weekend. It’s important for the revival.
Dr. Parker
I can assure all of you as a veterinarian that the boy is not a danger.
Sheriff
It’s not about these dumb elections
Dr. Parker
Never said it was.
Sheriff
Don’t want the cart before the horse
Dr. Parker
Of course, nobody does
Sheriff
But some of my constit’chens claim he’s skulkin’
Through their kitchens
And soon I may have no recourse
But to enforce the law –
Bud
With deadly force!
| Lorraine
So there it is, Doc Spelled out plain Maggie You will take no action That could derail this train MAggie, Roy, Sheriff, Ned, Lorraine You should just be grateful We don’t hang him from a tree So don’t you go testin’ our Christian charity! So ship him out, Doc Don’t care where Take the long way home Because Roy He’s foulin’ the air! Maggie, Roy, Sheriff, Ned, Lorraine Doc, we need a quarantine We want a guarantee He can’t be allowed to come So shape up and show us Some Christian – |
Bud
So are we clear? You hear? Yeah! Don’t you go testin’ our Christian charity! So ship him out, Doc Don’t care where We think that’s fair I swear! Doc, we need a quarantine We want a guarantee… He’ll cause pandemonium! So shape up and show us Some Christian – |
Dr. Parker
Alright! I give you my word. Edgar will not attend the revival.
Sheriff
Oh, now that’s just great. I knew you’d be reasonable about this.
All
Thank God you’ll be showin’ some
Christian charity
And some dang sense
A HOME FOR YOU (REPRISE)
Bat Boy
What is it that people…say about me?
Dr. Parker
People can be very cruel.
Bat Boy
But I’m not here to harm them
I only want to learn
They all walk in sunlight
I deserve a turn
I want to know my neighbours
I’m not some garden gnome
Why can’t I make this world my home?
It’s torture to sit here idly while I’m being slandered in public.
I can only imagine what they’re saying.
Dr. Parker
We’re not saying that you can’t go out sometime, just not –
Bat Boy
Something was troubling me recently
Watching the world from this table
Reading and dreaming and gen’rally growing mold
And today I looked up just in time to see
This medical program on cable
Astonished, I ran to the mirror, and there, behold!
Look here, I’ve got a navel!
It means I’m someone’s child
The doctor must have tied it
While my mother smiled…
Which means I may be human
Complete with family tree
And if you let me go and see
This world may be a home for me!
COMFORT AND JOY
Dr. Parker
You little creep, you’re gonna pay.
I won’t be shoved out of the way! Oh no-
Voices in his Head
Oh no!
Dr. Parker
Oh no-
Voices in his Head
Oh no!
Dr. Parker
And I could make a solid case
For smashing in your filthy face.
Voices in his Head
Kill him!
Dr. Parker
Shut up!
Voices in his Head
Kill him!
Dr. Parker
Shut up! I’ve got a spade and a burlap sack!
Voices in his Head
Kill him now!
Dr. Parker
And there’s a hole in the yard out back!
Voices in his Head
Kill him now!
Dr. Parker
But if I fill it she’ll ask me “why”
Voices in his Head
Kill him now!
Dr. Parker
So I’ve got one thing to do before you die!
Voices in his Head
Now! Now!
Dr. Parker
WAIT!
She will see what you are,
I will win back my bride
She herself will decide
To get rid of the boy!
She’ll admit she was wrong,
She’ll return before long
She’ll be singing a song
Full of comfort and joy.
Voices in his Head
Comfort and joy- Comfort and joy!
Dr. Parker
Comfort and joy!
Voices in his Head
Comfort and joy- Comfort and joy!
Kill the Bat Boy- Kill the Bat Boy!
Meredith
Oh, Honey, I apologize: You’ve really opened up my eyes.
Shelley
No way!
Meredith
Yes way!
Shelley
No way!
Meredith
Yes way! I’m laying out your Sunday best
Now brush your teeth and get some rest. All right?
Shelley
No way?
Meredith
All right!
Shelley
All right!
Meredith
Now when they see him they’ll make a fuss.
Shelley
Is that true?
Meredith
We gotta smile like we just don’t care!
Shelley
That’s not fair!
Meredith
They put their pants on the same as us!
Shelley
Yes they do…
Meredith
So just imagine them in their underwear!
Shelley
And then this time I swear…
Both
He will show that he’s not
What they’re terrified of.
He will show them a love
They can never destroy!
If we prove that they’re wrong
They’ll come round before long
And we’ll all sing a song
Full of comfort and joy!
Chorus
Comfort and joy! Yeah! Comfort and joy!
Meredith and Shelley
Comfort and Joy!
Chorus
Comfort and Joy! Comfort and Joy!
Dr. Parker
Stop the Bat Boy!
(Town enters with hubbub)
Sheriff
Settle down, people! We want to make sure the revival goes off without a hitch, so let’s go over the schedule. Listen up: From nine to twelve he does the healing…
Ned
Sheriff…
Maggie
You hush up!
Sheriff
At noon he’ll bless the fields and plows…
Mr. Dillon
Tractors too?
Maggie
Hush up!
Sheriff
Then lunch is from one thirty-
Ned
Sheriff, what about my Gertie!
Maggie
Hush!
Sheriff
Well as it seems that time allows, three to ten:
The Blessing Of The Cows!
All
Yes! The Blessing Of The Cows!
Boy, that preachers a pro!
Gives a heckuva show!
Lorraine
Just like Seigfried and Roy!
All
He’ll bring comfort and joy!
So if nothing goes wrong,
Yes, if nothing goes wrong,
Lord, if nothing goes wrong,
We’ll have comfort and…
Comfort and Joy!
Comfort and Joy!
Lord, we need some comfort and joy!
Any means you’d care to employ,
Won’t you send us comfort and joy!
Bat Boy
Dear God: I’m still not sure how people pray.
Or what one does with one’s hands. But please, my thirst grows every day. I feel it burn in my glands.
Please won’t you change the way I am, or prove I’m human underneath.
Or if you just don’t give a damn-
(points to fangs) You could at leatht get rid of theethe!
If I can’t prove them wrong, show me where I belong, for a hunger so strong kills all comfort and joy.
If you’d make me complete. I’ll avoid all red meat,
I’ll eat nothing but soy to have comfort and joy…
Dr. Parker
By next week you’ll be gone, six feet under my lawn. I’ll have nobody toy with my comfort and joy…
Meredith/Shelley
He will come out a champ.
It’s just like summer camp. They’ll get used to the boy,
He’ll bring comfort and joy…
Townfolk
Lord, please give us your word.
Cure the plague on the herd.
We don’t mean to annoy but send comfort and joy…
Bat Boy
Comfort and joy! Comfort and joy!
Dr. Parker
Stop the Bat Boy! Stop the Bat Boy!
All
Comfort and joy! Comfort and JOY!
(Lights up on Hospital room)
Ruthie
Dr.Parker, what are you doing here?
Dr. Parker
Don’t worry, Ruthie. The Bat Boy will pay for what he’s done to you. We’re all going to miss you very much.
(Dr.Parker injects Ruthie and she dies.)
All
AAHHHHH!