RIFLE-RANGE BARKER
Who’s feeling lucky?
Twenty out of twenty
And a prize could be yours!
FREAK-SHOW BARKER
See “Marie the Monkey”
With the poisonous claws!
RIFLE-RANGE BARKER
There’s a prize
To be won!
FREAK-SHOW BARKER
Take a risk,
Take a ride!
RIFLE-RANGE BARKER
Right this way,
Have a go!
FREAK-SHOW BARKER
Try your luck
And step inside!
CHORUS
If you reach
For the moon,
If you aim
For the sky,
Then the moon
And the sky
Can be yours —
Come on and try!
Everybody loves a hero!
Let’s hear it for the man with the gun!
Everybody loves a hero…
BARKER
And you, sir,
Are now the proud owner
Of this magnificent donkey!
CHORUS
Everybody loves a hero!
Let’s hear it for the man with the gun!
Everybody loves a hero…
FRIEND 1 (to ALEX)
Two more days…
FRIEND 2
Just two more days!
FRIEND 1
…And you’ll be back
To civvy street again!
FRIEND 3
And decent food.
FRIEND 2
And your life is yours at last!
FRIEND 3
You lucky devil!
GIRLS
Your girlfriend’s gonna love that donkey!
ALL
You’ll be her hero!
ALEX (detaching himself from the limpet GIRL)
Two long years…
I had a dream I’d see her name in lights:
Rose Vibert, the shining star!
I’ve given up trying to find her…
Perhaps she’s resting…
FRIEND 3
So who’s the lucky girl tonight, then?
ALEX (moving off as the scene dissolves)
I’ve told you:
It’s my uncle.
FRIENDS (fading into the background)
Uncle?
Not likely…
Give her a kiss from us…
ELIZABETH
How you’ve grown!
ALEX
It’s been two years.
ELIZABETH
You should have phoned —
Your uncle isn’t here.
ALEX
I might have guessed!
ELIZABETH
And such a splendid uniform!
ALEX (looking around the flat)
The same old paintings.
ELIZABETH
Madame will be so thrilled to meet you —
I’ll go and tell her.
ALEX
“Giulietta Trapani”…
ELIZABETH (turning back)
Life has changed!
Since those two met
He lives life to the full!
ALEX
Well, good for him!
ELIZABETH
She has made him young again!
ALEX
Where is he now, then?
ELIZABETH
He’s doing up the country villa —
They plan to live there.
Now, tell me, do you still like omelettes?
Won’t be a moment!
ALEX
And so he got his wicked way with that Italian girl —
He hasn’t lost his touch…
ROSE
Well, hello…
ALEX
I should have known
Where you were hiding —
You like the good life,
George likes trinkets!
God, what a fool
I was to love you!
What was all my searching for?
It’s never hard to find a whore!
ROSE
Well, if it makes you happy, think it…
ALEX
You scheming bitch…
ROSE
The truth is we’re a perfect pair.
ALEX
Because he’s rich…
ROSE
Shout and scream —
I don’t care…
ALEX
You could have let me know…!
ROSE
Your uncle’s shown me new horizons…
ALEX
Well, didn’t I?
ROSE
And as a lover he is perfect too.
ALEX
Another lie!
ROSE
He takes his time.
Unlike you.
ALEX
I wasn’t good enough?
ROSE
Why can’t you listen
And come to your senses?
It’s George…
I really love George…
He’s made me a
Better, fuller, stronger person,
I have never been as happy!
ALEX
Or, indeed, as wealthy.
ROSE
Look, I don’t need your uncle’s money!
And I could have a thousand lovers!
Yet I’ve been faithful and I’m happy —
More faithful than he’ll ever be:
It’s not as if he’s married me…
ALEX (calming)
I’d better go…
I’m sorry…
It was a shock…
ROSE
Try and understand,
And it won’t hurt you so much.
ALEX
At least admit you loved me once…
ROSE
Of course I did.
I may even love you now…
George gives me so much…
But he gets so little from me…
But with you I made an impression
That will last you a lifetime…
ALEX (moving close to her)
So change my life for me again…
ALEX
Here we go again!
Heaven knows when she’ll be back —
That girl has got a knack
Of keeping you guessing!
ELIZABETH (entering, flustered)
Madame will soon be here,
But she says you are to leave:
Your uncle is coming,
You’d better get going…
ALEX
So why all the panic?
Why shouldn’t I be here?
ELIZABETH
She’s scared that his heart
Couldn’t stand all this drama…
ALEX
Well, it’s hardly a shock
If my uncle sees me here…
That girl is unbelievable!
Was last night the sort of thing
She could just forget?
It would be hard to find
A more capricious mind…
ROSE
What are you doing here?
ALEX
All right, where have you been?
ROSE
Will you please disappear?
ALEX
What the hell do you mean?
ROSE (turns away)
Leave me, leave me!
I don’t want George exposed
To some unpleasant scene.
ALEX (getting out his gun)
If I can’t have you, no one will.
Killing you would be a pleasure.
ROSE
So all you’re fit for is to kill?
Go on and pull the trigger,
See if I care!
Come on, soldier!
Be a hero!
ALEX
You never loved me?
You never meant it?
And now you hate me…
GEORGE
My only genuine Matisse!
Thank God…
No damage done…
Would someone kindly tell me
What on earth has happened?
ELIZABETH
He lost his head,
The gun went off,
She’s bleeding badly,
Use your scarf —
Here, let me help…
GEORGE
You’d better phone the doctor.
ALEX
I should never have come back here…
GEORGE
Oh, don’t talk such nonsense!
ALEX
I’ll bow out now —
It’s the decent thing to do.
GEORGE
Don’t be absurd.
ALEX
I’m a disaster…
GEORGE
Oh, come, come!
ALEX
…It wouldn’t last a week —
She’d be far better off with you.
GEORGE
You two have your lives before you.
ALEX
It would end in murder…
GEORGE
I’m too old for her —
It’s high time I withdrew.
ALEX
Your place is here.
GEORGE
The jowls are dropping…
ALEX
It’s the light.
GEORGE
…The paunch needs propping up —
She’d be far better off with you.
BOTH
Your words are generous and selfless,
But alas untrue —
She’d be far better off with you.
ALEX
You are steeped in wit and wisdom.
GEORGE
Well, I’ve learnt the odd thing…
ALEX
You could teach George Bernard Shaw
A thing or two!
GEORGE
I had a go…
ALEX
You’ve dined with Garbo…
GEORGE
Only twice.
ALEX
…Translated “La Bohème” —
She’d be far better off with you.
GEORGE
You’re athletic.
ALEX
You’re distinguished.
GEORGE
You don’t cheat at croquet.
ALEX
You’re more seasoned.
GEORGE
You can skate.
ALEX
You’re in “Who’s Who”.
GEORGE
Just half an inch.
ALEX
We’re talking drivel.
GEORGE
So we are.
BOTH
Can’t we be civilized?
She’d be far better off with you.
Your words are generous and selfless,
But alas untrue.
It’s only Rose that matters!
Just take a look: there’s no comparison
Between us two —
She’d be far better off with you!
GEORGE
You’re too young
And too confused
To understand what’s best,
And what’s best is obvious:
The two of you belong together —
There’ll be less damage!
ALEX
Perhaps you’re right —
I’ll do my best
To turn our lives around
And brush away this memory.
GEORGE
I’ll phone you when I get to Venice.
ALEX
Giulietta?
GEORGE
Now you be good to her…
I have to say these were
The sweetest days I’ve ever known…
ALEX
Well, have a pleasant journey…
GEORGE
One thing before I go,
Just one thing you should know:
Rose doesn’t like to be alone…
ELIZABETH
You’re a delinquent.
A silly schoolboy with a gun.
Take a look at what you’ve done.
I hope you’re satisfied.
ROSE (re-entering)
Goodbye, Alex.
Goodbye forever.
We’ve packed your tunic,
Here’s your gun as well.
So, blow your brains out,
Go to hell,
Just leave me.
ALEX (stunned)
You don’t know what you’re saying…
ROSE
I’ve phoned Marcel.
To see you off.
MARCEL
Come along,
Get marching.
Double-quick,
Look lively.
ALEX
Let me see…
My suitcase…
ROSE (momentarily alone)
Will he ever forgive me?
But what can I do?
I’m in love with them both…
But I only have one life,
Not two…
MARCEL
Your life is one enormous drama!
My God, you’ll be the death of me!
What a mess…
Let me see…
A memory that is best forgotten —
That’s what this ugly scene should be.
Life goes on,
So must we…
ROSE
“Trapani”…
Marcel, we’re taking a trip.
I’m told that Venice is fun.
We have to meet an Italian lady…
GEORGE
…And then with a swift karate-chop
I removed his gun —
You should have been there!
Poor chap didn’t know what hit him…
GIULIETTA (interrupting)
Still, George!
If you can’t keep your tongue still,
You will have the face of Edith Sitwell!
GEORGE
Ah well, they’re happy…
It’s for the best anyway…
Let’s face it,
He’s the man for her,
And I’m the man for you, dear…
GIULIETTA
Don’t talk such nonsense —
You’ll never stop loving her.
You don’t fool me:
You’re quite besotted with her…
Stop. Wait. Good. Please…
Still, George…
GEORGE
With my scarf I made a tourniquet —
Shantung silk, but worth the sacrifice —
It stemmed the flow, the arm was saved, and…
GIULIETTA
Still, George,
Rose would seem the kind of lady
Who would live through any blood-bath…
GEORGE
Darling, it’s over —
So don’t be so cynical.
I don’t suppose that you’ve become a nun
Since last I saw you…
GIULIETTA
Wouldn’t you love that!
Perpetual chastity!
GEORGE
So tell me,
Have you found some young Adonis?
GIULIETTA (back to work again)
Stop. Wait. Good. Please…
No, George.
BOTH
Time and light are fading —
Shouldn’t we make the most of
Every precious moment?
Life is sweet and slow and still and…
VOICES
I’m not leaving here till I get what I came for…it’s a
scandal…out of my way…heaven help him if he won’t
pay…who are you pushing…I got here first…all I want
is what’s fair…he had better be there…
GEORGE (over the voices)
For heaven’s sake!
Who’s making all that mayhem?
MARCEL (to GEORGE)
Thank God you’re here!
We’ve got trouble with Rose —
Running up bills
Wherever she goes!
(to the others)
This is the man I was
Looking for,
This is your man!
DOCTOR (to MARCEL)
Can you be certain that
This is the man?
Is this the right man?
CASHIER (to HOTELIER)
This is the man
Who will pay for
The eighty-one phone calls!
I beg of you, pay!
My poor mother is dying!
If I lose my job, then…
PHARMACIST (to DOCTOR)
This is the man
Who will pay for
The codeine and dressings!
(to GEORGE)
We’ll call the police if…
CASHIER
The Doge’s Suite!
HOTELIER
Beluga caviar!
GONDOLIER
You are the man,
I understand,
Who can clear my expenses.
Here they are:
Thirty thousand lire!
CASHIER
Forty thousand!
HOTELIER
Fifty thousand!
DOCTOR & PHARMACIST
Twenty thousand lire!
GONDOLIER
Thirty thousand lire!
CASHIER
Forty thousand!
HOTELIER
Fifty thousand!
MARCEL
George, I’m sorry…She’s been very ill.
ROSE
George…George…
My life is draining…
Away…
MARCEL (backing out, to GEORGE)
We’d best be on our way —
We’ll leave you three alone…
GIULIETTA
So this is Rose Vibert.
The famous Rose Vibert.
GEORGE
I have to talk to her.
Sit down and talk to her.
This can’t go on another day.
Rose, what can I do with you?
Wreaking havoc left and right —
It’s absurd!
She must change her ways,
She must pass this passing phase —
Problem child…
Running wild…
Rose, I ought to strangle you!
But there’s a style about that girl
That stops me in my tracks.
Heaven knows why she
Wants to waste her life with me…
And yet if she went off,
If she set herself free,
As I’ve told her she should…
Where on earth would I be?
GIULIETTA
You’d be lost, my friend,
And so would she…
ROSE
…And he said to me
He really ought to buy that vineyard…
GIULIETTA
Please, Rose.
Don’t you think you ought
To take a little rest
From George’s foibles?
ROSE
Well, you’ll have to learn to live with it.
That and all his other pet obsessions:
God and Trollope,
Other women…
GIULIETTA
Please, Rose!
George is a remarkable man.
He was there when I thought I had no one.
He saw me through my darkest moments.
He made me talk about my husband.
We had been married five days…
He drove like the wind…
Not any more…
But George was always there,
No matter when or where.
He stopped me feeling so alone…
ROSE
When did you meet him?
GIULIETTA
One evening at Harry’s bar —
He wore a silver tie pin
And a smile that was even brighter…
ROSE
I know that tie pin —
It catches on everything!
GIULIETTA
And as for all those paint rags…
ROSE
Heaven help us!
BOTH
We deserve a medal!
ROSE
Nice to see that George has settled in:
Fifteen novels on the go, as always!
Used to drive me to distraction…
GIULIETTA
Please, Rose!
Last year he forgot my birthday,
So I rearranged his bookmarks…
ROSE
George dear, we’re talking —
We don’t need you hovering.
GIULIETTA
My darling, you’re completely right —
We’re doing fine without you.
GEORGE (smiles)
I get the picture.
Condemn me to solitude!
ROSE
You’ll find some things to keep you occupied.
GIULIETTA
We’ll call you if we need you!
ROSE & GIULIETTA
Time and light are fading —
Shouldn’t we make the most
Of every precious moment?
Life is sweet and slow and still
And perfect!
All the more, now our man George
Has brought the two of us together!
ROSE
I never imagined she’d be like that —
Your lady friend comes as a sweet surprise…
A wonderfully sweet surprise…
GEORGE
Take a deep breath and prepare yourself…
I’ve been such a trusting fool…
Those wretched investments I made
Have gone down the drain…
After today, there’ll be no more champagne…
The ways of the world are cruel…
ROSE
If I ask a question,
Will you promise…?
You must promise…
That the answer to my question is “yes”…
GEORGE
Yes, I’ll say yes…
ROSE
Take a deep breath and prepare yourself…
My mind is in such a mess…
But really, George,
All that I wanted to ask was this:
Would you be willing to marry me?
GEORGE
I’ve already told you.
Yes.
REGISTRAR
“…I now pronounce you man and wife.”
MARCEL
My dears, congratulations!
GUEST 1
Here’s to the happy couple!
MARCEL
Here’s to happy days!
And even better nights!
GUEST 2
You lucky man!
GEORGE (turning to ROSE, with a grin)
Well, now we’ve done it!
ROSE
And, oh, what fun it was…
GIULIETTA (advancing on ROSE)
And now I claim my best man’s rights!
GEORGE
Bravo, bravo!
ALEX (deadpan)
“News takes time to reach us here.
So you’re married.
How time flies.
And George will be a father soon.
That was more of a surprise.
Perhaps one day we’ll meet again,
If I ever leave the army…”
Live or perish
In its flame,
Love will never,
Never let you
Be the same…
Love will never,
Never let you
Be the same!