Still Hurting
CATHERINE
Jamie is over and Jamie is gone
Jamie’s decided it’s time to move on
Jamie has new dreams he’s building upon
And I’m still hurting
Jamie arrived at the end of the line
Jamie’s convinced that the problems are mine
Jamie is probably feeling just fine
And I’m still hurting
What about lies, Jamie?
What about things
That you swore to be true
What about you, Jamie
What about you
Jamie is sure something wonderful died
Jamie decides it’s his right to decide
Jamie’s got secrets he doesn’t confide
And I’m still hurting
Go and hide and run away
Run away, run and find something better
Go and ride the sun away
Run away like it’s simple
Like it’s right…
Give me a day, Jamie
Bring back the lies
Hang them back on the wall
Maybe I’d see
How you could be
So certain that we
Had no chance at all
Jamie is over and where can I turn?
Covered with scars I did nothing to earn
Maybe there’s somewhere a lesson to learn
But that wouldn’t change the fact
That wouldn’t speed the time
Once the foundation’s cracked
And I’m
Still Hurting
Shiksa Goddess
JAMIE
I’m breaking my mother’s heart
The longer I stand looking at you
The more I hear it splinter and crack
From ninety miles away
I’m breaking my mother’s heart
The JCC of Spring Valley is shaking
And crumbling to the ground
And my grandfather’s rolling
Rolling in his grave
If you had a tattoo, that wouldn’t matter
If you had a shaved head, that would be cool
If you came from Spain or Japan
Or the back of a van
Just as long as you’re not from Hebrew school
I’d say, “Now I’m getting somewhere!
I’m finally breaking through!”
I’d say, “Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!
I’ve been waiting for someone like you”
I’ve been waiting through Danica Schwartz and Erica Weiss
And the Handelman twins
I’ve been waiting through Heather Greenblatt, Annie Mincus, Karen Pincus and Lisa Katz
And Stacy Rosen, Ellen Kaplan, Julie Silber and Janie Stein
I’ve had Shabbas dinners on Friday nights
With every Shapiro in Washington Heights
But the minute I first met you
I could barely catch my breath
I’ve been standing for days with the phone in my hand
Like and idiot, scared to death
I’ve been wandering through the desert
I’ve been beaten, I’ve been hit
My people have suffered for thousands of years
And I don’t give a shit!
If you had a pierced tongue, that wouldn’t matter
If you once were in jail or you once were a man,
If your mother and your brother had “relations” with each other
And your father was connected to the Gotti clan
I’d say, “Well, nobody’s perfect”
It’s tragic but it’s true
I’d say, “Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!
I’ve been waiting for someone like…”
You, breaking the circle
You, taking the light
You, you are the story
I should write
I have to write!
If you drove an R.V., that wouldn’t matter
If you like to drink blood, I think it’s cute
If you’ve got a powerful connection to your firearm collection
I’d say, Draw a bead and shoot
I’m your Hebrew slave, at your service
Just tell me what to do
I say, “Hey hey hey hey!
I’ve been waiting for someone
I’ve been praying for someone
I think that I could be in love with someone
Like You”
See I’m Smiling
CATHERINE
I guess I can’t believe you really came
And that we’re sitting on this pier
See, I’m smiling
That means I’m happy that you’re here
I stole this sweater from a costume shop
It makes me look like Daisy Mae
See, we’re laughing
I think we’re gonna be okay
I mean, we’ll have to try a little harder
And bend things to and fro
To make this love as special
As it was five years ago
I mean, you made it to Ohio!
Who knows where else we can go
I think you’re really gonna like this show
I’m pretty sure it doesn’t suck
See, you’re laughing and I’m smiling
By a river in Ohio
And you’re mine
We’re doing fine
I think we both can see what could be better
I’ll own when I was wrong
With all we’ve had to go through
We’ll end up twice as strong
And so we’ll start again this weekend
And just keep rolling along
I didn’t know you had to go so soon
I thought we had a little time
Look, whatever, if you have to
Then you have to, so whatever
It’s all right
We’ll have tonight
You know what makes me crazy?
I’m sorry, can I say this?
You know what makes me nuts?
The fact that we could be together
Here together
Sharing our night
Spending our time
And you are gonna choose someone else to be with
No, you are
Yes, Jamie, that’s exactly what you’re doing:
You could be here with me
Or be there with them
As usual, guess which you pick
No, Jamie, you do not have to go to another party
With the same twenty jerks you already know
You could stay with your wife on her fucking birthday
And you could, God forbid, even see my show
And I know in your soul it must drive you crazy
That you won’t get to play with your little girlfriends
No, I’m not, no I’m not!
And the point is, Jamie,
That you can’t spend a single day that’s not about
You and you and nothing but you
“Mahvelous” novelist, you!
Isn’t he wonderful, just twenty-eight
The savior of writing
You and you and nothing but you
Miles and piles of you
Pushing through windows and bursting through walls
En route to the sky
And I…
I swear to God I’ll never understand
How you can stand there straight and tall
And see I’m crying
And not do anything at all
Moving Too Fast
JAMIE
Did I just hear an alarm start ringing?
Did I see sirens go flying past?
Though I don’t know what tomorrow’s bringing
I’ve got a singular impression
Things are moving too fast
I’m gliding smooth as a figure skater
I’m riding hot as a rocket blast
I just expected it ten years later
I’ve got a singular impression
Things are moving too fast
And you say, “Oh, no
Step on the brakes
Do whatever it takes
But stop this train
Slow, slow! The light’s turing red”
But I say: No! No!
Whatever I do
I barrel on through
And I don’t complain
No matter what I try
I’m flying full speed ahead
I’m never worried to walk the wire
I won’t do anything just “half-assed”
But with the stakes getting somewhat higher
I’ve got a singular impression things are moving too fast
I found a woman I love
And I found an agent who loves me
Things might get bumpy but
Some people analyze every detail
Some people stall when they can’t see the trail
Some people freeze out of fear that they’ll fail
But I keep rollin’ on
Some people can’t get success with their art
Some people never feel love in their heart
Some people can’t tell the two things apart
But I keep rollin’ on
Oh, oh – maybe I can’t follow through
But oh, oh – what else am I supposed to do?
I dreamed of writing like the high and mighty
Now I’m the subject of a bidding war
I met my personal Aphrodite
I’m doing things I never dreamed of before
We start to take the next step together
Found an apartment on Seventy-Third
The Atlantic Monthly’s printing my first chapter
Two thousand bucks without rewriting one word
I left Columbia and I don’tregret it
I wrote a book and Sonny Mehta read it
My heart’s been stolen
My ego’s swollen
I just keep rollin’ along
And I think
Well, well, what else is in store?
Got all this and more before twenty-four
It’s hard not to be sure
I’m spinning out of control
Out of control
I’m feeling panicked and rushed and hurried
I’m feeling outmaneuvered and outclassed
But I’m so happy I can’t get worried
About this singular impression
I’ve got a singular impression things are moving too fast
A Part Of That
CATHERINE
One day we’re just like “Leave it to Beaver”
One day it’s just a typical life
And then he’s off on
A trip to Jamie-land
Staring catatonic out the window
Barely even breathing all the while
And then he’ll smile
His eyes light up and deep within the ground
Without a sound
A moment comes to life
And I’m a part of that
I’m a part of that
I’m a part of that
Next day it’s just like
It never happened
We’re making dinners
We’re making plans
Then he gets on the
Mule train to Jamie-land
Handful after handful of Doritos
Circling the apartment, logging miles
And then he smiles
His eyes light up
And how can I complain?
Yes, he’s insane
But look what he can do
And I’m a part of that
I’m a part of that
I’m a part of that
And it’s true
I tend to follow in his stride
Instead of side by side
I take his cue
True, but there’s no question
There’s no doubt
I said I’d stick it out
And follow through
And when I do
Then he smiles
And where else can I go?
I didn’t know
The rules do not apply
And then he smiles
And nothing else makes sense
While he invents
The world that’s passing by
And I’m a part of that
I’m a part of that
I’m a part of that
Aren’t I?
I’m a part of that
I’m a part of that
I’m a part of that
The Schmuel Song
JAMIE
First, a story. A little Christmas Story.
I call it “The Story of Schmuel, Tailor of Klimovich”
Schmuel would work till half-past ten at his tailor shop in Klimovich
Get up at dawn and start again with the hems and pins and twist
Forty-one years had come and gone at his tailor shop in Klimovich
Watching the winters soldier on, there was one thing Schmuel missed
“If I only had time,” old Schmuel said
“I would build the dress that’s in my head
A dress to fire
The mad desire
Of girls from here to Minsk
But I have no more hours left to sew”
Then the clock upon the wal began to glow…
And the clock said:
“Na na na na, na na na
Oh Schmuel, you’ll get to be happy!
Na na na na, na na na
I give you unlimited time!
Na na na na, na na na
So Schmuel, go sew and be happy!”
But Schmuel said
“No, no, it’s not my lot
I’ve gotta make do witht he time I’ve got”
Schmuel was done at half-past ten and he said “Good night, old Klimovich”
Put on his coat to go, but then the clock cried, “Wait! Not yet!
Even though you’re not wise or rich
You’re the finest man in Klimovich
Listen up, Schmuel
Make one stitch and you’ll see what you get”
But Schmuel said
“Clock, it’s much too late
I’m at peace with life
I accept my fate…”
But the clock said
“Schmuel! One stitch and you will
Unlock the dreams you’ve lost!”
So Schmuel, with reluctance, took his thread
He pulled a bolt of velvet and said
“I should take out my teeth and go to bed
I’m sitting her with talking clocks instead!”
And the clock said:
“Na na na na, na na na
Oh Schmuel, you’ll get to be happy!
Na na na na, na na na,
I give you unlimited time
Na na na na, na na na
Just do it and you can be happy!”
So Schmuel put the thread through the needle’s eye
And the moon stared down from a starless sky
And he pushed the thread through the velvet black
And he looked, and the clock was turning…back
So he grabbed his shears and he cut some lace
As the hands moved left on the old clock’s face
And his fingers flew and the fabric swirled
It was nine-fifteen all around the world
Every cut and stitch was a perfect fit
As if God Himself were controlling it!
And Schmuel cried through a rush of tears
“Take me back! Take me back all forty-one years!”
And on it went down that silent street
Till Schmuel’s dress was at last complete
And he stretched his arms
And he closed his eyes
And the morning sun finally started to rise
And the dress he made on that endless night
Was a dress that would make any soul take flight
Not a swatch, not a skein had gone to waste
Every ribbon and button ideally placed
And swen into the seams were forty-one seasons of dreams
Dreams that you could feel
Coming real
And that very dress, so the papers swore
Was the dress a girl in Odessa wore
On the day she promised forevermore
To love a young man named Schmuel
Who only one day before
Had knocked at her kitchen door
Plenty have hoped and dreamed and prayed
But they can’t get out of Klimovich
If Schmuel had been a cute goyishe maid
He’d’ve looked a lot like you
Maybe it’s just that you’re afraid to go out on to a limb-ovich
Maybe your heart’s completely swayed
But your head can’t follow through
But shouldn’t I want the world to see
The brilliant girl who inspires me?
Don’t you think that now’s a good time to be
The ambitious freak you are?
Say goodbye to wiping ashtrays at the bar
Say hello to Cathy Hiatt, big-time star!
‘Cause I say:
Na na na na na na na na
Cathy, you get to be happy!
Na na na na na na na
I give you unlimited time!
Na na na na na na na
Stop temping and go and be happy!
Here’s a headshot guy and a new BackStage
Where you’re right for something on every page
Take a breath
Take a step
Take a chance
Take your time
Have I mentioned today
How lucky I am
To be in love with you?!
A Summer In Ohio
CATHERINE
I could have a mansion on the hill
I could lease a villa in Seville
But it wouldn’t be as nice as a summer in Ohio
With a gay midget named Karl, playing Tevye and Porgy
I could wander Paris after dark
Take a carriage ride through Central Park
But it wouldn’t be as nice as a summer in Ohio
Where I’m sharing a room with a “former” stripper and her snake: Wayne
I could have a satchel full of dollar bills
Cures for all the nations ills
Pills to make a lion purr
I could be in line to be the British queen
Look like I was seventeen
Still I’m certain I’d prefer to be going slowly batty
Forty miles east of Cincinnati
I could shove an ice pick in my eye
I could eat some fish from last July
But it wouldn’t be as awful as a summer in Ohio
Without cable, hot water, Vietnamese food, or you
I saw your book at a Border’s in Kentucky
Under a sign that said “New and Recommended”
I stole a look at your picture on the inside sleeve and then I couldn’t leave
Richard, who was with me, got uncharacteristically quiet
And he said, “All things considered, I guess you don’t have to buy it”
So I smile like Mona Lisa, and I lay my Visa down
He wants me, he wants me, but he ain’t gonna get me
I’ve found my guiding light, I tell the stars each night
Look at me, look at him
Son of a bitch, I guess I’m doing something right
I finally got something right
No, it’s not Nirvana, but it’s on the way
I play “Anita” at the matinee
Then I’ll get on my knees, and pray I can state in my next bio:
“I’m never gonna go back to Ohio!”
I could chew on tin foil for a spell
I could get a root canal in hell
But it wouldn’t be as swell as this summer is gonna be!
‘Cause the torture is just exquisite, while I’m waiting for you to visit
So hurry up, schmuck, get unstuck and get on the scene
Love,
The midget, the stripper, Wayne the snake, and Mrs. Jamie Wellerstein
That’s me!
The Next Ten Minutes
JAMIE
No, that one’s Jerry Seinfeld
That one’s John Lennon there
No, the Dakota
The San Remo is up a few blocks
Have you been inside the Museum?
We should go
Meet the dinosaurs
Cathy
Will you share your life with me
For the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes
We can handle that
We could watch the waves
We could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait
As the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Can I ask you again
For another ten?
And if you in turn agree
To the next ten minutes
And the next ten minutes
Till the morning comes
Then just holding you
Might compel me to
Ask you for more
There are so many lives I want to share with you
I will never be complete until I do
CATHERINE
I’m not always on time
Please don’t expect that from me
I will be late
But if you can just wait
I will make it eventually
Not like it’s in my control
Not like I’m proud of the fact
But anything other than being exactly on time
I can do
I don’t know why people run
I don’t know why things fall through
I don’t know how anybody survives in this life
Without someone like you
I could protect and preserve
I could say no and goodbye
But why, Jamie, why?
I want to be your wife
I want to bear your child
I want to die
Knowing I
Had a long, full life in your arms
That I can do
Forever, with you
JAMIE
Will you share your life with me
CATHERINE
Forever
JAMIE
For the next ten lifetimes?
CATHERINE
Forever, Jamie
JAMIE
For a million summers
BOTH
Till the world explodes
Till there’s no one left
Who has ever known us apart
JAMIE
There are so many dreams
I need to see with you…
CATHERINE
There are so many years
I need to be with you…
JAMIE
I will never be complete
CATHERINE
I will never be alive
JAMIE
I will never change the world
Until I do
CATHERINE
I do
JAMIE
I do
CATHERINE
I do
BOTH
I do…
CATHERINE
Is that one John Lennon?
That’s the San Remo
Isn’t that the Museum?
Can we go see the dinosaurs?