Thirteen/Becoming a Man
Evan:
I’m Evan Goldman, I live at 224 West 92nd Street, in the heart of Manhattan.
And my life just went to hell.
Picture me: just another cool kid in NYC
Near the park and the Met
Life is sweet, Yankees in the Bronx
Pretzels on the street, just how good can it get?
Who’d have guessed Dad would meet a stewardess?
Mom’s depressed and her lawyers are mean
Now I’m stressed, life is a disaster
And I’m cracking from the strain, going totally insane
And I’m just about to turn
Just about to turn
Just about to turn
All:
Thirteen!
Evan:
Everything switches
All:
Thirteen!
Evan:
Everything turns around
All:
Thirteen!
Evan:
End up in stitches
All:
Thirteen!
Evan:
Find a way underground
All:
Thirteen!
Evan:
Can I get through it?
All:
Thirteen!
Evan:
Life has changed over night
All:
Thirteen!
Evan:
How do I do it?
All:
Thirteen!
Evan:
Nothing is going right
All:
The best and the worst
And the most and the least
And the crazy and the scary
And I’m standing on the edge!
Evan:
Twelve years old, everything that used to be
Evan with Others:
Pressure mounts, once it was a joke, now it really counts and there’s no going back
All:
Life goes wrong
Boy:
Suddenly they’re yelling cause your hair’s too long
Girl:
Or your room isn’t clean
All:
Roll along
Evan:
Every conversation is another lost cause or a list of my flaws
And I’m just about to turn
All:
Just about to turn
God, I’m going to turn
Thirteen!
Richie:
I want a dirt bike
All:
Thirteen!
Lucy:
I want to kill my mom
All:
Thirteen!
Eddie:
I want a mustache!
All:
Thirteen!
Cassie:
I want a wonder bra
Group 1:
Thirteen!
Group 2:
When do I get it?
Group 1:
Thirteen!
Group 2:
All of the grown-up stuff?
Group 1:
Thirteen!
Group 2:
How will I make it?
Group 1:
Thirteen!
Group 2:
When am I old enough?
All:
Why is the world feeling suddenly stranger?
Why are my friends acting totally weird?
Why do I feel like my life is in danger?
Why do I feel like my brain disappeared?
Molly:
How will I get through a year of Spanish?
Simon:
How can I not look dumb in track?
Eric:
How can I gain 20 pounds by Friday?
Malcolm:
How can I make my voice not crack?
All:
I wanna fly, wanna run, wanna drive
Wanna get rich, wanna get drunk, wanna get out
Wanna get my braces off
Wanna get my nose pierced
Wanna grow my hair long
But all I keep hearing is
No, you’re not ready!
No, it’s not time yet!
No, it’s not right now!
Wait until you’re older!
No, you’re not ready!
No, it’s not time yet!
No, it’s not right now!
Wait until you’re older!
No, you’re not ready!
No, it’s not time yet!
No, it’s not right now!
Wait until you’re older!
Homework
Laundry
Dishes
Courses
Just settle down and hold your horses!
Evan:
In the middle of this city
In the middle of this street
There’s the sound of something crumbling
Rumbling underneath my feet
In the middle of the sidewalk
Outside P.S. 84,
I hear a roar
I can’t ignore
I hear Evan it’s not your fault
I hear Evan can’t you see
I hear Evan do you want to go with Mom or stay with me?
I hear kiddo, I’m not angry
I hear buddy, you know best
And there’s the rumbling getting louder
But there’s one day in October
Where the pieces all will fit
When they have to be together
And pretend they didn’t quit
I’ve got one day in October
And I know it’s got to be
The perfect party
I’m becoming a man
I don’t know what a man really means
The rule book grows, but no one knows
What all the rules allow
I’m becoming a man
No one tells all us scared in-betweens
Just how we should be strong, be good
With so much pressure now
One day it gets better
One day it makes sense
One day I’ll stop talking in the friggin’ future tense
One day in October
It’ll all be great
And I can’t wait
I can’t wait
I can’t wait
Others:
I can’t wait to come to your party
I can’t wait to come to your party
I can’t wait to come to your party
I can’t wait to come to your party
Party!
I can’t wait
I can’t wait
Can’t wait
Can’t wait
Can’t wait
Can’t wait
Can’t wait
Can’t wait for thirteen!
Group 2:
Something is coming
Group 1:
Thirteen!
Group 2:
Something is going up
Group 1:
Thirteen!
Group 2:
Something is humming
Group 1:
Thirteen!
Group 2:
Somebody’s growing up!
All:
Thirteen!
Cassie:
Hey, yeahhh!
All:
Thirteen!
Eddie:
No, no, no, no, no, no
All:
Thirteen!
Malcolm:
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
All:
Thirteen!
Charlotte:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
All:
The best and the worst
And the most and the least
And the crazy and the scary
And we’re just about to turn
Thirteen!
Lamest Place in the World
Patrice:
Down the road, there’s a Dairy Queen
Up the block, there’s a Walmart
There’s a place you can accessorize your pets
A school, a tree, a couple of churches
And no matter how hard anybody searches
That’s about as thrilling as this dumb-ass village gets
It’s the lamest place in the world
But it just got a little bit better
So don’t disappear
It’s the lamest place in the world
But I’m pretty sure
It’s not as lame as it was before
Now that you’re here
Forty miles to the nearest river
Sixty miles to the airport
When we plan our escape, that’s where we’re going to have to be
It’s a shame, it’s a sham, it’s a terrible pity
You got dragged away from New York City
It’s major suck for you but it’s amazing luck for me
It’s the lamest place in the world
But it just got a little bit better
I’m happy to say
It’s the lamest place in the world
You’re completely exotic
Intellectual, neurotic
You would never have a shot except
You’ve found the perfect guide
And though I don’t really know you
I can hardly wait to show you
Every fake and freak
Every fool and clown
Since the Chippewa settled this stupid town
Let and laugh
They won’t keep me down
With you by my side
And it just got a little bit better
Amazing but true
Yes, the lamest place in the world
Has lots of flaws
But maybe it’ll be fine because
It brought me to you
Hey Kendra
Malcolm:
One, two, three
Eddie:
Here we go
Eddie & Malcolm:
Hey Kendra
Brett:
Hey Kendra
Eddie & Malcolm:
I’ve been thinking
Brett:
I’ve been thinking
Eddie & Malcolm:
I’ve got to, got to, got to, got to get with you
Brett:
So true
Eddie & Malcolm:
I wanna get all up in your business girl
And make you feel real fine
Brett:
Uh, real fine. Not fake fine.
Eddie & Malcolm:
Hey Kendra
Brett:
Hey Kendra
Eddie & Malcolm:
Come closer
Brett:
Much closer
Eddie & Malcolm:
I got myself a brand new rocking horse
Why don’t you climb up here mama
Eddie:
And rock it, rock it all night long
Brett:
Okay, okay stop! Yeah…not gonna work.
Eddie:
Yeah, so gonna work! It’s double edge–
Eddie & Malcolm:
Smooth.
Brett:
Guys, Kendra’s a good girl. I can’t just hit on her like whack-a-mole.
I do that, I will never get the tongue.
Malcolm:
Incoming! Kendra, 3 o’clock!
One, two, three.
Eddie:
Get shizzy!
Brett:
Kendra, there’s something I want to ask you.
Lucy:
Oh, God.
Eddie & Malcolm:
Hey Kendra
Brett:
Hey Kendra
Eddie & Malcolm:
I’ve been thinking
Brett:
I’ve been thinking
Brett, Eddie, & Malcolm:
I want to spend a little special time with you
Kendra:
Aw!
Brett, Eddie, & Malcolm:
I want to take you to a movie, girl
Brett:
Friday night
Brett, Eddie, & Malcolm:
Down at the mall
Kendra:
It’s perfect!
Lucy:
No, it isn’t!
Eddie & Malcolm:
Hey Kendra
Brett:
Hey Kendra
Eddie & Malcolm:
Don’t be nervous
Brett:
Trust me, baby
Brett, Eddie, & Malcolm:
We’re gonna get some popcorn and some Raisenettes
Malcolm:
Chocolate covered
Eddie:
Tell your Mama not to worry, girl
Eddie & Malcolm:
It’s gonna feel real fine
Kendra:
Yay!
Lucy:
No, no, no, no, no
You can’t go to the movies on Friday night
Eddie & Malcolm:
No, no, she can’t do it
Lucy:
I said she can’t go
Eddie & Malcolm:
Uh-uh, no way
Lucy:
Cause you already committed to do that thing
Kendra:
What thing?
Lucy:
That thing
Kendra:
What thing?
Lucy:
That thing you said you would do on Friday
Kendra:
There is no thing
Lucy:
Yes there is, Kendra
Kendra:
I’m going to the movies Friday night with Brett
Lucy:
No, you’re not
Don’t contradict me in public, Kendra
We’ll talk about this later
Kendra:
Fine!
Brett, Eddie, & Malcolm:
Hey Kendra
I’m begging
Malcolm:
Please go to the movies on Friday
Kendra:
Sure, I’ll come.
Lucy:
We so majorly have to talk.
Brett, Eddie, & Malcolm:
Ooh, baby
We so good
Eddie:
You’re gonna get all up in her business, yo
Get Me What I Need
Archie:
There’s the cool kids
There’s the preps and there’s the skate punks and the jocks
And then there’s me
There’s the losers
There’s the nerds and there’s the stoners and the Goths
And then there’s me
But then there’s you
Cause you’re the new kid in the school
You’re not defined by one specific breed
And so you’re free to flip from group to group
From scene to scene
Cause you’re the conduit, the medium, the go-between
Which means you’re perfectly positioned to get me what I need
Evan:
Look, Archie, I’m the wrong guy for this.
Archie:
One date, that’s all I’m asking.
Evan:
Isn’t there some nice girl on the special needs bus?
Archie:
They don’t like me
Even back before the crutches, it was clear I don’t fit here
So it’s hopeless
I can’t walk right up to Kendra and say “Hey”
She’d run away
But look at you
You’re making friends and having parties
And adapting with impressive speed
Just twenty minutes when we’re sitting so our knees can touch
Yes, it’s a tiny inconvenience, but it means so much
Cause out of all of Indiana, you can get me what I need
Evan:
It’s impossible!
Archie:
And what I need is Kendra!
Others:
Kendra, Kendra!
Archie:
Beautiful Kendra!
Others:
Kendra, Kendra!
Archie:
Wonderful Kendra!
Make her appear!
Boys:
If you want a girl, the girl you want is
Archie:
Kendra!
Very hot, Kendra!
Boys:
Very hot, very hot
Archie:
Go tell Kendra…
I’m waiting here
Here’s the problem
Every minute, every second that I wait might be too late
So let’s face it,
If I ever had a chance, the time is now, so who cares how
Just do your best
And I won’t bother you again and that’s a promise guaranteed
So, you can help me out and it can go through very well
Or I can turn around and make your life a living hell
It’s up to you, you’ve got a choice, you’ve got incentive to succeed
Yes, I know it sounds insane
Jerry Lewis can explain
You’ve got to help me, Evan
Help me, Evan
Help me, Evan
Help me, Evan
Get me what I need
Evan:
I’ll try!
Archie:
I knew you would.
What It Means To Be a Friend
Patrice:
A friend’s not a cheap little phony creep
Or a jerk trying to make a deal
A friend is a person who, most of all,
Cares about what you feel;
And nothing is harder
Than learning a friend isn’t real
A friend sends notes back and forth all day
And doesn’t care that you can’t spell
A friend knows you’ve got a crush on your teacher,
But a friend would never tell
A friend’s outside waiting
The minute you both hear the bell
And if your heart is always breaking
Cause the world is just not fair
When you’re at your worst
Your friend’s the first one there
Giving you something to lean on
And that’s what it means to be a friend
A friend won’t smoke when she’s in your room
Or laugh at the poems you write
A friend won’t go and start kissing your brother
The minute that you’re out of sight
A friend is the person
You call sixteen times every night
And if your heart is always breaking
And you want to run and hide
When your hope is gone
Your friend is on your side
If someone moves in ’round the corner
And you want to show him you care
So you give him all your last month of vacation
And all of the time you can spare
But then, on the first day of classes
He acts like you’re not even there,
Then he doesn’t know…
He doesn’t know!
He’ll never know what it means
To be a friend
All Hail the Brain / Terminal Illness
All:
Brain’s gonna do it
Brain’s gonna do it
Friday night
The Brain’s gonna do it
Friday night
Going to the mall
And the Brain’s gonna get us into the movie
Gonna go see the Bloodmaster
Friday night, the Brain’s gonna do it
Evan:
I have a plan
I have a plan
Possibly, I think I have a plan
It’ll take a lot of work, it’ll take a lot of luck
But when it all comes through, they’ll say
All hail the Brain!
He does what no mere mortal can
He’s the man, Evan Goldman
All hail the Brain!
He did what no one else could do
Saw us through, saved the day
And all I have to do is
Wait till Mom goes to sleep
Then sneak the license from the wallet in her purse
Make a color Xerox, laminate it
Then put the license back in the wallet in her purse
Then find the dress she wore in the picture on the license that I copied and I laminated
Wear the dress, get a wig, show the license, buy the tickets
What could go wrong?
All:
Brett’s gonna do it
Brett’s gonna do it
Friday night
Brett’s gonna do it
Friday night
At the Bloodmaster
Brett’s gonna do the tongue with Kendra
Friday night at the movie in the mall
And the Brain’s gonna get us in
Evan:
I have a plan
A better plan
Actually an almost perfect plan
It sounds absolutely nuts, it’ll take a lot of guts
But when it all comes through, they’ll say
All hail the Brain
Give that bar mitzvah boy a hand
Ain’t he grand, ain’t he great?
And all I have to do is
Go that day to the movie theater
Break into the projection room
See the reels of film for the Bloodmaster
Take them down the hall where they’re showing Bambi
Switch the reels, leave the theater
Tell the guys we’re gonna go and see Bambi
What could go wrong?
Brett:
Hey, Brain, did you set up my date for Friday?
Evan:
Date?
Brett:
With Kendra?
Evan:
Date? Date! Archie, I have major news!
I have a plan
I have a plan
So you and Kendra can go out on Friday night
Archie:
Ooh!
Evan:
I need your help, though, so stay calm
You need to go talk to my mom
And it’ll all come true
Because
No one says no to a boy with a terminal illness
Take it from me, it’s a sure guarantee of success
Listen, I’m not making fun of your terminal illness
But you hold the secret to getting my mom to say yes
So talk to my mom, and get her to buy the tickets we need to obtain
Brett gets his movie, I get the credit, and you get your date, so who would complain?
Except for you because you’re dying, but
No one says no to a boy with a terminal illness
Who could refuse when you shuffle your shoes and say please?
Use all the tricks that you learned in your cradle
You don’t need to lay it on thick with a ladle
‘Cause no one says no to a boy with a fatal disease!
Archie:
I can do this!
Evan:
I know you can!
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Archie:
Mrs. Goldman, I hate to bother you, but I was strolling through the neighborhood…
Evan:
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Archie:
Which wouldn’t be so bad, if it weren’t my birthday on Friday, but the insurance…
Evan:
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Archie:
I could always pay you for the tickets if I don’t get my medicine next month…
Evan:
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Archie:
And you know, I’ve always felt this kinship with the Jewish people…
Evan:
Out of the blue
A thought comes to you
Like sun coming out from the rain
And after the stress
My mother says —
Archie:
Yes!
Evan:
Yes!
Evan & Archive:
We’re all set for Friday
So who can complain
Archie:
Except for you because you’re Jewish and you always complain
Evan:
It’s true —
Evan & Archie:
But no one says no to a boy with a terminal illness
Ask for a day at the mall or a trip to Belize
Nothing’s too hard and no quest unendurable
Long as your sure you’re completely incurable
No one says no to a boy with a fatal disease
Brett:
All hail the Brain
All:
All hail the Brain
Brett:
I never thought he’d take the bait
This is great, Evan Goldman
All:
Evan Goldman
All hail the brain
Evan:
I did what no one else could do
Tell me who could complain?
Brett:
All hail the Brain
All:
All hail the Brain
Evan:
All hail the Brain
All:
All hail the Brain
All hail the Brain!
Getting Ready
Archie:
I got one shot
Better get it right
I’m getting ready
Got to look real hot
When it’s Friday night
I’m getting ready
I’m getting ready today
I’m getting ready to say
I’m not that weird geek you think I must be
I’m getting ready to move
I’m getting ready to prove
Kendra, just needs a sex god like me
Evan:
On Friday night, I’ll be the hometown hero
Archie:
Got to cut my nails
Evan:
If this goes right, then I’ll be free and clear
Archie:
Got to shave my beard
Evan:
And if it goes as planned, Patrice will understand
Some prices are worth paying when your dreams come true
Archie:
I’m getting ready for her
I’m getting ready, yes sir
Ready for passion, delight and romance
Archie & Evan:
I’m getting ready to go
I’m getting ready and knowing
I may only get this one chance
Brett:
There in the dark of the Appleton Cinema
Free from the public’s prying eyes
There with my girl in the chair beside me
I can reveal my big surprise
There while the rest of the crowd’s immersed and
All of the blood vessels on screen burst and
Kendra will get to be the first in line to realize
Here comes the tongue!
Eddie & Malcolm:
Here it comes! Here it comes!
Brett:
Here comes the tongue!
Eddie & Malcolm:
Here it comes! Here it comes!
Brett:
Here comes the–
Brett, Eddie, Malcolm:
Tongue!
Kendra:
Okay, so just go through this with me one more time.
Lucy:
Okay.
Kendra:
If he does it and I let him,
Lucy:
You’re a slut.
Kendra:
Right.
But if he wants to and I stop him,
Lucy:
You’re a tease.
Kendra:
God!
And if I let him, and I like it
Lucy:
You’re a skank.
Kendra:
Wow.
Lucy:
But he could also get his tongue stuck down your throat
Or try to kiss so hard he chips one of your teeth
Oh, there’s a million other ways it could all go wrong
It doesn’t matter if they urge to kiss him back is strong
You’ve got to hold that boy at bay
Step back from the edge and say
I’m a good girl
I don’t do that
I’m a nice girl
Put that away
I’m a good girl
Keep your hands off
If you tell him that
Then you’ll be okay
Kendra:
What if it’s just like, this much?
Lucy:
When you got that solo in choir
It’s cause I told you what to sing
When you got the lead in the fall school play
It’s cause I coached you all last spring
When you got to be the head of the cheerleading squad
It’s cause I taught you everything
Think of all the things I should’ve had, you’ve got instead
Because you did just what I said
You’re a good girl
Kendra:
I’m a good girl
Lucy:
You don’t do that
Kendra:
But he’s so cute
Lucy:
You’re a good girl
Kendra:
Listen Lucy
Lucy:
Don’t question me
Kendra:
But I could be his girlfriend
Lucy:
You’re a good girl
Kendra:
I’m a good girl
Lucy & Kendra:
I don’t do that
I could be Brett’s girlfriend
Lucy:
If I could get her out of the way
Girls:
I’ve got to get ready for him
Archie:
I’m getting ready, it’s true
Archie & Evan:
I’m getting ready to do
Something that makes her accept me at last
All:
I’m getting ready alright
Nothing can stop me tonight
I’m getting ready
Ready
Ready
Archie:
Check me out!
All:
Now!
Any Minute
Brett:
Someone got his eyelids torn off
And I’m sitting here
And I should be doing something
That guy got an axe in his throat
And she’s sitting there
And I don’t know why I’m waiting
But oh, any minute
I’ll be getting closer
And I’ll be where I want to be
Any minute
Kendra:
Someone got his skull chopped in half
And he’s sitting there
And maybe he doesn’t want me
Maybe it was something I said
Or maybe my breath
Why did I eat those pork rinds?
Cause oh, any minute
He could turn and kiss me
And we’ll be where we ought to be
Any minute
Brett:
She just set his penis on fire
Kendra:
This is weird
Brett:
What do I do?
Kendra:
Am I fat?
Brett:
This is so not romantic
Kendra:
He wants to be with Lucy
Brett:
This was such a stupid idea
Kendra:
And she’s right
Brett:
If I could just
Kendra:
I’m a good girl
Brett:
Turn my head slightly sideways
Patrice:
And oh, any minute
He’ll do something for me
Did he just invite me
So he could ignore me?
He won’t even know I’m gone
Brett:
Any minute
Kendra:
Any minute
Brett:
Any moment
Kendra:
Any moment
Brett:
If I want it
Kendra:
If I want it
Brett & Kendra:
If I close my eyes
Brett:
Any minute
Kendra:
Any minute
Brett:
Any moment
Kendra:
Any moment
Brett & Kendra:
Any time
Brett:
No more time to sit on my butt
Time to move in, time to get started
Archie:
This is it, Archie.
Brett:
After all, tonight is the tongue
And after the tongue, there will be groping
Archie:
Okay.
Brett & Archie:
And so, watch out Kendra
Now, watch out women
Now
Now
Now
Here I Come
Evan:
Nothing’s done or set
There are options to consider
I admit I didn’t make it work tonight
I’m not finished yet
They are not gonna call me a quitter
Cause I’m gonna try again with all my might
Until I can show the people in this town
That I can get it right
So here I come
I got a million other tricks still up my sleeve
Yeah
Here I come
And I’m not about to pack my bags and leave
No, no, no, no, no
I didn’t push this hard to go back where I started from
Here I come
You can bring me down
You can say I just don’t get it
You can make me kiss the life I knew goodbye
You can kick me out
You can say I’m gonna regret it
But you never get to tell me I can’t try
Before you put me off or count me out
Just look me in the eye
Cause here I come
I’m a little late but now I’m in the droll
Yeah
Here I come
You better check me out cause this is how I roll
Whoa
I’m gonna find out what they got and I’m gonna get me some
Here I come
You think I wont get my wishes
You’ve never known somebody this ambitious
Take a breath, count to ten
I blew it once but I won’t again
I’m beginning to see
I’m beginning to learn
I’m becoming a man
And here I go!
Here I come
I got a million other tricks still up my sleeve
Yeah
Others:
Look out cause he’s coming up now
Evan:
Here I come
Others:
Yes, he’s coming up!
Evan:
And I’m not about to pack my bags and leave
Evan & Others:
No, no, no, no, no, no
Evan:
I’m gonna fight it till I get my share
I’m gonna win this battle fair and square
I didn’t push this far to end up where I started from
Others:
He’s coming, coming up!
Evan:
Here I come!
Good Enough
Patrice:
You made your choice and said I wasn’t good enough
I wasn’t good enough for you to be my friend
You wanted to be cool and I’m not good enough
No, look, I get it, you’re the latest in a trend
I watched as you did everything they asked you to
And finally those jerks and I agree
They looked at you and said you weren’t good enough
And you’re not good enough for me
Opportunity
Lucy:
My best friend ran out on her boyfriend
And her boyfriend’s a boy that I wanna be with
My best friend’s in a bad situation
When she cries and she tries to repair her romance,
Is it nasty if I notice that I just got a chance?
If I whisper pretty please a little, maybe I can seize a little
O-P-P, Opportunity
O-P-P, Opportunity
Girls:
O-P-P, Opportunity
O-P-P, Opportunity
Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa
Lucy:
What kind of glam slam girl would I be,
If I didn’t take advantage of an opportunity
Kendra:
Here we go!
Girls:
The Quail Quails rock and the Quail Quails kills
The Thunderhots won’t, but the Quail Quails will
The Quail Quails squawk and the Quail Quails cluck
The Quail Quails win cause the Thunderhots suck!
Lucy:
I could be Brett’s brand new girlfriend
Kendra:
Lucy, look at Brett!
Lucy:
I could show him a lot of new tricks
Kendra:
He looks like a rainbow full of sad
Lucy:
Kendra still wants to be Brett’s girlfriend
Kendra:
Lucy, go apologize to him for me.
Lucy:
But do I cut her a break cause she made a mistake
Or do I take the reward that I really wanna take
No matter how I contemplate it, this is such a complicated
Girls:
O-P-P
Lucy:
Opportunity
Girls:
O-P-P
Lucy:
Opportunity
Girls:
Hey-yo!
O-P-P, Opportunity
O-P-P
Lucy:
Opportunity
Girls:
Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa
Lucy:
I’ll do, I’ll choose what to say, what to see
When presented with a candy-coated opportunity
I was denied but now I’ve learned
I’m getting ready
I’m gonna get the thing I yearn
I’m really ready
I’m really ready for you
I’m really ready to do
Something I’ve wanted to do for so long
Brett:
Oh, hey, Lucy. Oh!
(Whistle)
Girls:
O-P-P
Lucy:
Opportunity
Girls:
O-P-P, Opportunity
O-P-P
Lucy:
Opportunity
Girls:
O-P-P, Opportunity
Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa
Lucy:
What kind of best friend would I be
If I didn’t take advantage of an opportunity
Bad Bad News
Eddie:
What is a man when he gives up his soul
For a lick from a chick who completely takes control
Malcolm:
Tell the tale
Eddie:
How does a man who can see behind his head
Turn as blind as a bat with no eyes
Malcolm:
What is a man when he turns on his friends
We’ve been tossed, now we’re lost, just a platter of burnt ends
Eddie:
I feel ya
Malcolm:
How do we make our hero wide awake
So that he could realize
Eddie & Malcolm:
That girl is bad, bad news
Bad news
Nothing but tears, nothing but trouble
Nothing but stress
Yes she is bad, bad news
Malcolm:
Bad news
Eddie & Malcolm:
Our buddy Brett is gonna regret that he ever said yes
The girl may be hot but all that he’s got is
Bad, bad news
Eddie:
What do you do when your friend’s life’s at stake?
Malcolm:
Man, he’s flipped
Simon:
No, he’s whipped like the cream on a cake
Malcolm:
What can we say?
Eddie:
He won’t talk
Richie:
He won’t play
Boys:
How can one tongue destroy our whole team?
That girl is bad, bad news
Bad news
Richie:
She’s like a snake
Eddie:
She’s like a cockroach
Simon:
She’s like a cow…a skinny cow!
Boys:
Wow she is bad, bad news
Bad news
We’re abandoned, left in the sand, and who are we now?
He fell for a slut with a fabulous butt
But she’s bad, bad news
Eddie:
Perhaps there’s a way we can…dispose of her.
Malcolm:
Maybe she can meet with an accident.
Simon:
We have got to make clear that she’s not welcome here
The most horrible way we can find
Malcolm:
We can go train a pitbull to chew on her flesh
Eddie:
I don’t think they attack their own kind
Richie:
We could torture her mother and chop up her dog
Simon:
To be honest, I don’t think she’d mind
Eddie:
I could rip off her pocketbook
Look, it’s a start
Malcolm:
Drive a stake through her heart, if she just had a heart
Boys:
The longer it goes, the worse it’ll get
So somebody’s got to tell Brett
Richie:
YEAH!
Boys:
That girl is bad, bad news
Bad news
Richie:
She’s so such a bad persuasion
Boys:
She took our pal, she took our leader
And let him astray
Hey, hey
She’s totally bad, bad news
Bad news
Listen up, Brett, you’re not ruined yet
We’ll show you the way
Throw her under the bus and come back to us
Malcolm:
Even though she has excellent shoes
She’s bad
Eddie:
Bad
Richie:
Bad
Simon:
Bad
Richie:
Bad
Simon:
Bad
Eddie:
Bad
Malcolm:
Bad
Boys:
News!
Bad news!
Tell Her
Evan:
Tell her you’ve thought about what happened
Tell her you haven’t slept at night
Tell her although you made a huge mistake
You want to make it right
Tell her you know you aren’t perfect
Tell her you’ve waited way too long
Tell her you’re sorry, tell her you mean it
Tell her you just were wrong
Patrice:
Tell her she shouldn’t have ignored you
Or dissed you in front of all the school
Tell her the minute she got out of touch
You felt like such a fool
Tell her that studying together
Was so nice, you prayed it wouldn’t end
Say you forgive her, say you were jealous
Ask if she’ll be your friend
Evan & Patrice:
Tell her that people get things wrong
Cause people are afraid they wont fit in your world or in your life
But things will work out fine if she will only listen
Patrice:
Tell her that all you ever wanted
Evan:
Tell her that all you ever wanted
Patrice:
Was maybe
Evan & Patrice:
A smile or a glance
Evan:
Tell her you’re sorry
Patrice:
Tell her you mean it
Evan & Patrice:
Ask for another chance
Tell her you just want another chance
It Can’t Be True
Molly:
Oh, hey, Lucy. What’s up?
Lucy:
Check this out. I just got the juiciest text
from Charlotte who told me the nastiest thing about Kendra.
Molly:
Kendra? No! What?
Lucy:
Alright, I’ll tell you. But remember…
Everything Charlotte says is a lie
It’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie
Everything Charlotte says is a lie
You better not believe her
Cause she said she saw
Kendra and Evan at the mall
Standing face to face
Laughing, and talking, and holding hands
Slipping all the way to first base!
But everything Charlotte says is a lie
You better not believe her
Molly:
Kendra and Evan?
Lucy:
Yep.
Molly:
But what about Brett?
Lucy:
Oh, I know! She is so full of it! But really, really, really don’t say anything.
Molly:
Of course not! I won’t say a word.
Cassie:
Yello?
Molly:
Cassie?
Lucy:
Charlotte!
Cassie & Charlotte:
Yo!
Molly:
Everything Charlotte says is a lie
Lucy:
Everything Molly says
Molly & Lucy:
It’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie
Molly:
Everything Charlotte says is a lie
Lucy:
Everything Molly says is a lie
Molly & Lucy:
You better not believe her
Molly:
Cause I just heard that
Molly & Lucy:
She said she saw
Kendra and Evan
Molly:
On their bikes
Having a little race
Lucy:
Molly saw Kendra at the park
Letting Evan get to second base!
Molly:
But everything Charlotte says is a lie
Molly & Lucy:
You better not believe her
Girls:
Holy macaroni
No, it can’t be true
No, you can’t repeat a single word I’m telling you
And oh! Can you imagine what Brett would do
If he heard that kind of a rumor
Charlotte:
Everything Cassie says is a lie
Cassie:
Everything Molly says is a lie
Lucy:
Everything Charlotte says
Girls:
It’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie
Molly:
Making up stories, I don’t know why
Girls:
You better not believe her
Lucy:
So don’t think nothing,
Charlotte:
She just told me
Molly:
She said she saw
Girls:
Kendra and Evan at the game
And they vanished without a trace
When she saw Kendra under the bleachers
Letting Evan get to third base!
All:
Holy macaroni! No, it can’t be true
There’s an awful lot of trouble they can get into
And oh! Can you imagine what Brett would do
If he heard that kind of a rumor?
Eddie:
Everything Kendra says is a lie
Eddie & Malcolm:
It’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie
Malcolm:
Doing the tongue with some other guy
Eddie & Malcolm:
You better believe it
All:
Cause he said
She saw
She said
She saw
He said
He saw
Kendra and Evan at the mall
At the movies
At the zoo
Lucy:
And I just saw them, right now!
If That’s What It Is
Archie:
If that’s what it is
Then that’s what it is
You’re probably right to just forget it
Let’s face it you’ve worked so hard and now you’re scarred
And free of any hope
I guess you should mope
Forget what you’ve planned
Hey, I understand
If that’s what it is
Then that’s what it is
Though that’s not the way I choose to see it
I have my own view that works with all these jerks and unenlightened fools
I make my own rules, I do what I can
If I hit the wall then maybe its all a part of the plan
Tomorrow will come, today will be gone
And so I put one foot in front of the other
One foot in front of the other
And just keep walking on
Patrice:
If that’s what it is
Archie:
If that’s what it is
Patrice:
What also is true
Archie:
What also is true
Patrice & Archie:
Is it may not always be disaster
Patrice:
I realize that now it is but how it is
Isn’t how it’s got be
Another day comes, another day goes
And if I get teased or hurt or lied to or punched in the nose
I say I won’t cry
I cry until dawn
And then I put one foot in front of the other
Patrice & Archie:
One foot in front of the other
Patrice:
And just keep walking on
Evan:
I’m becoming a man
Maybe all that it means is
I face the world for what it is
And not what I wish it could be
I’m becoming a man
Wanting everything fall into place
I swing, I miss
I’ll get through this
I almost guarantee
One day I’ll be thirty
One day I’ll be fine
One day I’ll make fun of this dramatic life of mine
One day I’ll be older
And then I’ll write a book
About the choices that I made
Patrice:
The choices that you made
Evan:
And the chances that I took
Patrice:
The chances that you–
Archie:
If that’s what it is
Then that’s what it is
At least until Disney can re-write it
We put our shoes and socks and take the knocks
And wish that it would change
Patrice:
And maybe it will
Evan:
And maybe it can
Archie:
Until then you trust that all this is just becoming a man
Patrice:
You take your best shot
All three:
Cause look what you’ve got
Patrice:
Go on and put one foot in front of the other
Evan:
One foot in front of the other
Archie:
One foot in front of the other
Evan:
One foot in front of the other
Archie:
The crip, the geek, the Jew and his mother
Patrice:
And just keep walking on
A Little More Homework
Evan:
If you stand here behind me
And you call me a man
And you’re counting on me to come through
You should know that I’ll give you the best that I can
But we all have a little more homework to do
If you’re walking beside me
And you wanna be friends
You should know I’m depending on you
So you gotta hang in there till the whole story ends
Cause we all have a little more homework to do
Cause I’ve been looking in the back of the book for the answers
Hoping the bell wouldn’t chime
But I’m not ready to put down my pencil just set
There are too many answers that I didn’t get
I need a little less pressure and a little more time
I’m trying to follow
I’m trying to lead
I’m trying to find what is true
But if you’re going to stand with me
Then you have to concede
That we all have a little more homework to do
Charlotte:
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
You get a little bit older
A little bit taller
A little bit better
A little bit
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
And the days before all go too fast
You can’t hold on
So, you go
Evan & Charlotte:
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
Evan:
I’m a little bit older
A little bit stronger
A little bit smarter
A little bit
Evan & Charlotte:
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
Charlotte:
And the days ahead coming on so quick
You can’t keep running
All:
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
And I’m a little bit older
A little bit faster
A little bit closer
A little bit
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
And the sky goes blue
And the sky goes black
And no matter what you do
You can’t go back
You go day into day into day
Evan:
I turned 13, my parents got divorced and I moved from New York City to the middle of nowhere.
All:
Day into day into day
Patrice:
I turned 13 and I kissed a boy more than once!
Kendra:
I turned 13 and I signed a virginity pledge.
All:
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
Lucy:
I was diagnosed with an eating disorder
Eric:
I failed math, but we won the championship!
All:
And I’m a little bit braver
A little bit broader
A little bit brighter
A little bit
Archie:
I turned 13 and I had to have spinal chord surgery. God, that sucked.
All:
Day turns to day turns to day
Eddie:
I got busted for driving my dad’s pick-up
All:
Day turns to day turns to day
Charlotte:
I got drunk!
Cassie:
And I’ve been looking in the back of the book for the answers
Hoping the bell wouldn’t chime
Malcolm:
My parents split up
Molly:
And I’m not ready to put down my pencil just yet
Richie:
There are too many answers that I didn’t get
Simon:
I need a little less pressure
All:
And a little more time
I’m trying to follow
I’m trying to lead
I’m trying to learn what is true
I’m trying to be what you want and I need
But we all have a little more homework
We all have a little more homework
We all have a little more homework to do
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
A little more homework to do
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
A little more homework to do
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
A little more homework to do
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
A little more homework to do
Day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day turns to day
Evan:
My name is Evan Goldman, I live at 24 Plains Drive, Appleton, Indiana.
I’m 13 years old…and I’m just getting started.
Brand New You
Cassie:
I saw the cover and I judged the book
I turned away without a second look
But now, now, now
I see a brand new you
I told myself I better run and hide
I never noticed what was there inside
But now, now, now
I see a brand new you
And I can’t stop myself from loving every itty bitty thing you do
All:
Ooh!
I see a brand new you!
Ooh!
I see a brand new you!
Charlotte:
I didn’t know where I was meant to be
I figured no one would be there for me
All:
But now, now, now
Charlotte:
I see a brand new you
All:
You, you!
I see a brand new you!
Charlotte & Cassie:
I never knew that you could understand!
But I looked up and you reached out your hand
But now, now, now
I see a brand new you
All:
I open my eyes
Charlotte:
And there’s a great big world around
And just look, just look
Look at what I found
All:
Na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, nine, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na
Na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, nine, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na
Na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, nine, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na
Na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, nine, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na
Na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na
Na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na
Na-na, na
Na-na, na
Na-na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Yeah! Yeah!
I open my eyes
Charlotte & Cassie:
And there’s a great, big world around
All:
I open my eyes
Cassie:
And just look, just look
Look at what I found
All:
Ooh!
I see a brand new you
Ooh!
I see a brand new you!
Ooh!
I see a brand new you!
Ooh!
I see a brand new you!
Theatre-Musical