Life Support

WILL I...? (Various Locations)

STEVE:

GROUP #1:

GROUP #2:

GROUP #3:

GROUP #4:

ON THE STREET

THREE HOMELESS PEOPLE:

SQUEEGIEMAN:

HOMELESS PERSON:

EVENING, OFFICERS MARK:

SMILE FOR TED KOPPEL, OFFICER MARTIN! HOMELESS PERSON:

AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOUR FAMILY COPS:

RIGHT!! BLANKET PERSON:

ANGEL:

BLANKET PERSON:

SANTA FE

ANGEL:

NEW YORK CITY -- MARK:

UH HUH ANGEL:

CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE COLLINS:

SING IT GIRL -- ANGEL:

MARK:

I HEAR YOU ANGEL:

COLLINS:

ANGEL:

YOU TEACH? COLLINS:

ANGEL:

AMERICA ALL:

AMERICA! COLLINS:

LET'S OPEN UP A RESTAURANT IN SANTA FE
OUR LABORS WOULD REAP FINANCIAL GAIN

ALL:

GAINS, GAINS, GAINS COLLINS:

HOMELESS:

SAVE OUR BRAINS ALL:

COLLINS:

I'LL COVER YOU (The Street)

MARK:

I’ll meet you at the show.
I'll try and convince Roger to go

ANGEL:

COLLINS:

BOTH:

JUST SLIP ME ON, I’LL BE YOUR BLANKET
WHEREVER -- WHATEVER-- I’LL BE YOUR COAT

ANGEL:

COLLINS:

BOTH:

ALL MY LIFE I’VE LONGED TO DISCOVER
SOMETHING AS TRUE AS THIS IS

COLLINS:

ANGEL:

BOTH:

WE'RE OKAY (At the pay phone)

JOANNE:

HONEYBEAR --WAIT, I’M ON THE OTHER PHONE
YES, I HAVE THE COWBELL
WE’RE OKAY

SO TELL THEM WE’LL SUE
BUT A SETTLEMENT WILL DO
SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND CIVIL RIGHTS TOO
STEVE, YOU’RE GREAT

NO YOU CUT THE PAPER PLATE
DIDJA CHEAT ON MARK A LOT, WOULD YOU SAY?
WE’RE OKAY
Honey, hold on...
Steve, hold on...
HELLO?
DAD -- YES I BEEPED YOU
MAUREEN IS COMING TO MOTHER’S HEARING
WE’RE OKAY

HONEY -- WHAT?
NEWT’S LESBIAN SISTER
I’LL TELL THEM

YOU HEARD?

THEY HEARD
WE’RE OKAY

AND TO YOU DAD

YES -- JILL IS THERE?

STEVE GOTTA --

JILL WITH THE SHORT BLACK HAIR?
THE CALVIN KLEIN MODEL?

STEVE GOTTA GO!

THE MODEL WHO LIVES IN PENTHOUSE A??
WE’RE...WE’RE OKAY!
I’M ON MY WAY

CHRISTMAS BELLS (Various locations, St. Marks Place)

FIVE HOMELESS PEOPLE:

SQUEEGIEMAN:

ALL FIVE HOMELESS:

SOLOIST:

RUDOLPH, THE RED NOSED REINDEER ALL FIVE:

VENDORS:

VENDOR #1:

NO ONE’S BUYING -- FEEL LIKE CRYING ALL:

VENDOR #2:

COLLINS:

YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS ANGELS:

HUSH YOUR MOUTH, IT’S CHRISTMAS COLLINS:

I DO NOT DESERVE YOU, ANGEL

COLLINS:

ANGEL:

KISS ME -- IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW MARK:

ROGER:

RIGHT MARK:

SHE GOT YOU OUT! ROGER:

MARK:

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT -- YOU SAID SHE WAS SWEET ROGER:

MARK:

MAUREEN? ROGER:

MIMI! MARK:

WO! ROGER:

I SHOULD GO BOTH:

HEY -- IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW COPS:

I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS MIMI & JUNKIES:

THE MAN:

I’M COOL MIMI & JUNKIES:

GOT ANY C MAN THE MAN:

I’M COOL MIMI & JUNKIES:

ROGER:

HEY MIMI:

HEY ROGER:

MIMI:

FORGET IT ROGER:

MIMI:

HOW? ROGER:

DINNER PARTY? MIMI:

THAT’LL DO THE MAN:

ROGER:

JUNKIES:

THE MAN:

AND IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW BENNY:

WISH ME LUCK ALISON -- THE PROTEST IS ON

COAT VENDOR:

JUNKIES:

SQUEEGIEMAN:

HONEST LIVING ROGER:

MARK, THIS IS MIMI -- MARK/MIMI:

HI ROGER:

SHE’LL BE DINING -- WITH US COAT VENDOR:

HERE’S A NEW ARRIVAL THE MAN:

THAT IS AN OUNCE VENDORS:

HATS, DATS, BATS COLLINS:

THAT’S MY COAT! COAT VENDOR:

WE GIVE DISCOUNTS MARK:

I THINK WE’VE MET ANGEL:

LET’S GET A BETTER ONE COLLINS:

IT’S A SHAM MIMI:

THAT’S WHAT HE SAID THE MAN:

I SAID IT’S A GRAM! COLLINS:

BUT SHE’S A THIEF! ANGEL:

BUT SHE BROUGHT US TOGETHER BENNY:

WHICH INVESTOR IS COMING?? COLLINS:

I’LL TAKE THE LEATHER BENNY:

YOUR FATHER? -- DAMN! HOMELESS & VENDORS:

ONCE YOU DONATE YOU CAN GO
CELEBRATE IN TUCKAHOE
YOU’LL FEEL CHEERY
I’LL FEEL CHEERY
THO’ I DON’T REALLY KNOW THAT THEORY

NO BATHROBE
NO STEUBEN GLASS
NO CAPPUCCINO MAKERS
NO PEARLS, NO DIAMONDS
NO “CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”
CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE
NO ROOM AT THE HOLIDAY INN, OH NO --

COPS:

FA LA LA LA -- FA LA LA LA
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN
SILENT NIGHT HOLY NIGHT

FALL ON YOUR KNEES OH NIGHT DIVINE
YOU’LL DO SOME TIME
FA LA LA LA LA -- FA LA LA LA LA

JUNKIES:

FOLLOW THE MAN FOLLOW THE MAN
ANY CRACK, ANY X, ANY JUGIE BOOGIE BOY
ANY BLOW, ANY X, ANY JUGIE BOOGIE BOY
GOT ANY D MAN, GOT ANY C MAN
GOT ANY CRACK, ANY X, ANY JUGIE BOOGIE?

COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY FIVE ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY FIVE ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY FIVE ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

NO WAY -- TWENTY FOUR ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY FOUR ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY FOUR ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

NOT TODAY -- TWENTY THREE ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY THREE ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY THREE ANGEL:

FIFTEEN -- IT’S OLD COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY TWO ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

TWENTY ONE ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

SEVENTEEN ANGEL:

FIFTEEN COAT VENDOR:

FIFTEEN ANGEL & COAT VENDOR:

SOLD! MARK & ROGER:

LET’S GO TO THE LOT -- MAUREEN’S PERFORMING MIMI:

WHO’S MAUREEN? ROGER:

HIS EX MARK:

BUT I AM OVER HER ROGER:

LET’S NOT HOLD HANDS YET MIMI:

IS THAT A WARNING? ALL THREE:

ALL:

MAUREEN:

Joanne, which way to the stage? ALL:

SNOW!!!

OVER THE MOON (The Lot)

MARK:

Maureen’s performance

MAUREEN:

SHE SAID, “ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP OVER THE MOON”
“THEY’VE CLOSED EVERYTHING REAL DOWN...LIKE BARNS, TROUGHS, PERFORMANCE SPACES...
AND REPLACED IT ALL WITH LIES AND RULES AND VIRTUAL LIFE. BUT THERE IS A WAY OUT...”

BACKUPS:

MAUREEN:

THEN A LITTLE BULLDOG ENTERED. HIS NAME (WE HAVE LEARNED) WAS BENNY.
AND ALTHOUGH HE ONCE HAD PRINCIPLES, HE ABANDONED THEM TO LIVE AS A LAP DOG TO A WEALTHY DAUGHTER OF THE REVOLUTION.
“THAT’S BULL,” HE SAID. “EVER SINCE THE CAT TOOK UP THE FIDDLE, THAT COW’S BEEN JUMPY.
AND THE DISH AND SPOON WERE EVICTED FROM THE TABLE--AND ELOPED...
SHE’S HAD TROUBLE WITH THAT MILK AND THE MOON EVER SINCE. MAYBE IT’S A FEMALE THING.
‘CAUSE WHO’D WANT TO LEAVE CYBERLAND ANYWAY?...WALLS AIN’T SO BAD.
THE DISH AND SPOON FOR INSTANCE. THEY WERE DOWN ON THEIR LUCK -- KNOCKED ON MY DOGHOUSE DOOR.
I SAID, “NOT IN MY BACKYARD, UTENSILS! GO BACK TO CHINA!”
“THE ONLY WAY OUT IS UP,” ELSIE WHISPERED TO ME. “A LEAP OF FAITH.
STILL THIRSTY?” SHE ASKED. PARCHED. “HAVE SOME MILK.”
I LOWERED MYSELF BENEATH HER AND HELD MY MOUTH TO HER SWOLLEN UDDER AND SUCKED THE SWEETEST MILK I’D EVER TASTED.
“CLIMB ON BOARD,” SHE SAID. AND AS A HARVEST MOON ROSE OVER CYBERLAND,
WE REARED BACK AND SPRANG INTO A GALLOP. LEAPING OUT OF ORBIT!!!

I AWOKE SINGING
ONLY THING TO DO
ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP
ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP OVER THE MOON
ONLY THING TO DO IS JUMP OVER THE MOON
OVER THE MOON -- OVER THE
MOOOOOOOO
MOOOOOOOO
MOOOOOOOO
MOOOOOOOO
MOO WITH ME

Thank you.

LA VIE BOHEME (Life Café)

RESTAURANT MAN:

ROGER:

WHAT? RESTAURANT MAN:

MARK:

WHAT AM I -- JUST A BLUR? RESTAURANT MAN:

YOU SIT ALL NIGHT -- YOU NEVER BUY! MARK:

RESTAURANT MAN:

YOU COULDN’T PAY! MARK:

OH YEAH COLLINS:

BENJAMIN COFFIN III -- HERE? RESTAURANT MAN:

OH NO! ALL:

WINE AND BEER! MAUREEN:

THE ENEMY OF AVENUE A -- WE’LL STAY RESTAURANT MAN:

OIY VEY! COLLINS:

WHAT BRINGS A MOGUL IN HIS OWN MIND TO THE LIFE CAFE? BENNY:

MAUREEN:

GO TO HELL BENNY:

ROGER:

WHY DID MUFFY -- BENNY:

ALISON ROGER:

MISS THE SHOW? BENNY:

THERE WAS A DEATH IN THE FAMILY IF YOU MUST KNOW ANGEL:

WHO DIED? BENNY:

OUR AKITA BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS:

EVITA BENNY:

BOHEMIA, BOHEMIA’S A FALLACY IN YOUR HEAD
THIS IS CALCUTTA -- BOHEMIA IS DEAD

MARK:

DEARLY BELOVED WE GATHER HERE TO SAY OUR GOODBYES COLLINS & ROGER:

MARK:

ALL:

MARK:

TO LOVING TENSION, NO PENSION
TO MORE THAN ONE DIMENSION
TO STARVING FOR ATTENTION
HATING CONVENTION, HATING PRETENSION
NOT TO MENTION OF COURSE HATING DEAR OLD MOM AND DAD

TO RIDING YOUR BIKE, MIDDAY PAST THE THREE PIECE SUITS --
TO FRUITS -- TO NO ABSOLUTES -- TO ABOLUT -- TO CHOICE
TO THE VILLAGE VOICE -- TO ANY PASSING FAD
TO BEING AN US -- FOR ONCE -- INSTEAD OF A THEM

ALL:

MAUREEN:

IS THE EQUIPMENT IN A PYRAMID? JOANNE:

IT IS, MAUREEN MAUREEN:

MR. GREY:

AHHEMM MAUREEN:

HEY MISTER -- SHE’S MY SISTER RESTAURANT MAN:

BOY:

UGH COLLINS:

IT TASTES THE SAME MIMI:

IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES RESTAURANT MAN:

ALL:

WINE AND BEER! MIMI & ANGEL:

MAUREEN & COLLINS:

MARK:

MUCH MASTURBATION MAUREEN & COLLINS:

COMPASSION, TO FASHION, TO PASSION WHEN IT’S NEW COLLINS:

TO SON TAG ANGEL:

TO SONDHEIM FOUR PEOPLE:

TO ANYTHING TABOO COLLINS & ROGER:

GINSBERG, DYLAN, CUNNINGHAM AND CAGE COLLINS:

LENNY BRUCE ROGER:

LANGSTON HUGHES MAUREEN:

TO THE STAGE PERSON #1:

TO USA PERSON #2:

TO BUDDHA PERSON #3:

PABLO NERD, TOO MARK & MIMI:

ALL:

LA VIE BOHEME MAUREEN:

AND WIPE THE SPEAKERS OFF BEFORE YOU PACK JOANNE:

YES, MAUREEN MAUREEN:

WELL -- HURRY BACK MR. GREY:

SISTER? MAUREEN:

WE’RE CLOSE ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY:

BROTHERS! MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS:

ALL:

COLLINS:

TO MARIJUANA ALL:

TO SODOMY -- IT’S BETWEEN GOD AND ME, TO S & M BENNY:

WAITER...WAITER...WAITER... ALL:

LA VIE BOHEME COLLINS:

In honor of the death of Bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner... Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap willperform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred. ROGER:

Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high holy days. MARK:

Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the 11thStreet lot, will sing native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello, which she has never studied. BENNY:

YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT US? MIMI:

THERE’S NOTHING TO KNOW BENNY:

DON’T YOU THINK THAT WE SHOULD DISCUSS? MIMI:

IT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO BENNY:

HE DOESN’T ACT LIKE HE’S WITH YOU MIMI:

WE’RE TAKING IT SLOW BENNY:

WHERE IS HE NOW? MIMI:

HE’S RIGHT -- HMM BENNY:

UH HUH MIMI:

WHERE’D HE GO? MARK:

(Roger picks up a guitar and plays)

That doesn’t remind us of Muzetta’s waltz.

COLLINS:

Angel Dumott-Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub ANGEL:

And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist -- including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words -- ALL:

ACTUAL REALITY -- ACT UP -- FIGHT AIDS! BENNY:

CHECK!! MIMI:

ROGER:

MIMI:

ROGER:

I SHOULD TELL YOU -- MIMI:

I’VE GOT BAGGAGE TOO ROGER:

I SHOULD TELL YOU -- MIMI:

BAGGAGE, WINE -- OTHERS:

AND BEER! MIMI:

AZT BREAK ROGER:

YOU? MIMI:

ME. YOU? ROGER:

MIMI

I SHOULD TELL YOU

ROGER:

MIMI:

ROGER:

I SHOULD TELL YOU MIMI:

I SHOULD TELL YOU ROGER:

I SHOULD TELL YOU MIMI:

I SHOULD TELL YOU I BLEW THE CANDLE OUT JUST TO GET BACK IN ROGER:

I’D FORGOTTEN HOW TO SMILE UNTIL YOUR CANDLE BURNED MY SKIN MIMI:

I SHOULD TELL YOU ROGER:

I SHOULD TELL YOU MIMI:

I SHOULD TELL YOU BOTH:

MIMI:

OH NO ROGER:

I KNOW -- THIS SOMETHING IS -- HERE GOES -- MIMI:

HERE GOES ROGER:

GUESS SO -- IT’S STARTING TO -- WHO KNOWS -- MIMI:

WHO KNOWS BOTH:

TRUSTING DESIRE -- STARTING TO LEARN
WALKING THROUGH FIRE WITHOUT A BURN
CLINGING -- A SHOULDER, A LEAP BEGINS
STINGING AND OLDER, ASLEEP ON PINS
SO HERE WE GO -- NOW WE --

ROGER:

OH NO MIMI:

I KNOW ROGER:

OH NO BOTH:

LA VIE BOHEME B

MAUREEN:

Are we packed? JOANNE:

Yes. And my next week I want you to be MAUREEN:

Pookie? JOANNE:

MAUREEN:

THAT FUCK! JOANNE:

ALL:

A GIRL:

ALL:

FILM MARK:

ALL:

MUSIC ANGEL:

ALL:

ANARCHY COLLINS & MAUREEN:

ALL:

TO FAGGOTS, LEZZIES, DYKES, CROSS DRESSERS TOO MAUREEN:

TO ME MARK:

TO ME COLLINS & ANGEL:

TO ME ALL:

LA VIE BOHEME
LA VIE BOHEME
LA VIE BOHEME

MARK:

ALL:

LA VIE BOHEME MARK: The riot continues.
The Christmas tree goes up in flames.
The snow dances.
Oblivious, Mimi and Roger exchange a small, lovely kiss.
ALL:

VIVA LA VIE BOHEME! END OF ACT ONE

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