PHARAOH STORY
Narrator
Pharaoh, he was
A powerful man
With the ancient world
In the palm of his hand
To all intents and purposes he
Was Egypt with a capital E
Whatever he did
He was showered with praise
If he cracked a joke
Then you chortled for days
No-one had rights or a
Vote but the king
In fact you might say he was fairly right-wing
When Pharaoh’s around,
Then you get down on the ground
If you ever find yourself near Ramases
Get down on your knees
Female Ensemble & Children
A Pharaoh’s story,
A Pharaoh’s story
A Pharaoh’s story,
A Pharaoh’s story
Narrator
Down at the other
End of the scale
Joseph is still
doing time in jail
For even though he is
In with the guards
A lifetime in prison
Seems quite on the cards
But if my analysis of
The position is right
At the end of the tunnel
There’s a glimmer of light
For all of a sudden
Indescribable things
Have shattered the sleep
Of both peasants and kings
Strange as it seems,
There’s been a run of crazy dreams
And a man who can interpret
Could go far – could become a star
Female Ensemble & Children
Could be famous,
Could be a big success
Could be famous,
Could be a big success
Narrator
Strange as it seems,
There’s been a
Run of crazy dreams
And a man who can interpret
Could go far
Could become a star
Narrator & Ensemble
Could be famous
Could be a big success
Could be famous
Could be a big success
Strange as it seems
There’s been a
Run of crazy dreams
And a man who can interpret
Could go far
Could become a star
Ah
Could become a star
Could be famous
Could be a big success
Could be famous
Could be a star
POOR, POOR PHARAOH
Narrator
Guess what? In his bed Pharaoh
Had an uneasy night
He had had a dream that pinned him
To his sheets with fright
No-one knew the meaning of this dream
What to do, whatever could it mean?
Then his butler said
Butler
I know of a bloke in jail
Who is hot on dreams,
Could explain old Pharaoh’s tale
Narrator
Pharaoh said
Pharaoh
Well fetch this Joseph man
I need him to help me if he can
Narrator & Ensemble
Poor, poor Pharaoh,
What’cha gonna do
Dreams are haunting you, hey,
What’cha gonna do
Narrator
Chained and bound, afraid, alone
Joseph stood before the throne
Joseph
My service to Pharaoh has begun
Tell me your problems, mighty one
SONG OF THE KING (Seven Fat Cows)
Pharaoh & Ensemble
Well I was wandering along by the banks of the river
When seven fat cows came up out of the Nile, uh-huh
And right behind these fine healthy animals came
Seven other cows, skinny and vile, uh-huh
Well the thin cows ate which I
Thought would do them good, uh-huh
But it didn’t make them fatter like such
A monster supper should
Well the thin cows were as thin
As they had ever, ever, ever been
Well this dream has got me baffled
Hey, Joseph, won’t you tell me what it means?
Well you know that kings ain’t stupid
But I don’t have a clue
So don’t be cruel Joseph
Help me I beg of you
Well I was standing doing nothing in a field out of town
When I saw seven beautiful ears of corn, uh-huh
They were ripe, they were golden and
You’ve guessed it,
Right behind them came seven other ears
Tattered and torn, uh-huh
Well the bad corn ate the good corn
They came up from behind yes they did
Now Joseph here’s the punch line
It’s really gonna blow you’re mind
Well the bad corn was
As bad as it had ever, ever, ever been
Well this dream has got me all shook up
Treat me nice and tell me what it means
Hey, hey, hey Joseph
Won’t you tell poor old Pharaoh
What does this crazy dream mean?
Oh yeah
PHARAOH’S DREAM EXPLAINED
Joseph
Seven years of bumper crops are on their way
Years of plenty, Endless wheat and tons of hay
Your farms will boom, they’re won’t be room
To store the surplus food you grow
After that, the future doesn’t look so bright
Egypt’s luck will change completely overnight
And famine’s hand will stalk the land
With food an all-time low
Noble king, there is no doubt
What your dreams are all about
All these things you saw in your pyjamas
Are a long-range forecast for your farmers
Joseph, Female Ensemble & Children
And I’m sure it’s crossed your mind
What it is you have to find
Find a man to lead you through the famine
With a flair for economic planning
But who this man could be
I just don’t know
Who this man could be
I just don’t know
Who this man could be
I just don’t know
STONE THE CROWS
Narrator
Pharaoh said –
Pharaoh
Well stone the crows,
This Joseph is a clever kid
Who’d have thought that fourteen cows
Could mean the things he said they did
Joseph, you must help me further;
I have got a job for you
You shall lead us through this crisis –
You shall be my number two
Narrator & Female Ensemble
Pharaoh told his guards to fetch
A chisel from the local store
Whereupon he ordered them
To cut the chains that Joseph wore
Joseph got a royal pardon
And a host of splendid things
A chariot of gold, a cloak,
A medal and some signet rings
Joseph —
Pharaoh’s number two
Joseph —
Egypt looks to you
Joseph, Narrator & Female Ensemble
Joseph —
Pharaoh’s number two
Joseph —
Egypt looks to you
Narrator & Female Ensemble
Seven summers on the trot
Were perfect just as Joseph said
Joseph saw that food was gathered
Ready for the years ahead
Seven years of famine followed
Egypt didn’t mind a bit
The first recorded rationing
In history was a hit
Female Ensemble
Joseph how can we ever say
All that we want to about you
We’re so glad that you came our way
We would have have perished without you
Pharaoh
Joseph we are the perfect team
Old buddies, that’s you and me
I was wise to have chosen you
You’ll be wise to agree
Female Ensemble
Joseph how can we ever say
All that we want to about you
We’re so glad you came our way
We would have perished without you
Pharaoh
We were in a jam
Would have baffled Abraham
But now we’re a partnership
It’s just a piece of cake
Female Ensemble
Greatest man since Noah
Only goes to shoah
Joseph
Anyone from anywhere can make it
If they get a lucky break
Narrator & Female Ensemble
This could be a happy ending,
Perfect place to stop the show
Joseph after all has gone
About as far as he can go
But I’m sure that Jacob and
His other sons have crossed your mind
how had famine hit the family
Joseph left behind?
THOSE CANAAN DAYS
Simeon
Do you remember the good years in Canaan?
The summers were endlessly gold
The fields were a patchwork of clover
The winters were never too cold
We’d stroll down the boulevards together
And everything round us was fine
Jacob
Now the fields are dead and bare
No joie de vivre anywhere
Et maintenant we drink a better wine
Brothers
Those Canaan days we used to know
Where have they gone, where did they go?
Eh bien, raise your berets
To those Canaan days
Simeon
Do you remember those wonderful parties?
The splendour of Canaan’s cuisine
Our extravagant, elegant soirées
The gayest the Bible has seen
It’s funny but since we lost Joseph
We’ve gone to the other extreme
No-one comes to dinner now
We’d only eat them anyhow
I even find I’m missing Joseph’s dreams
Brothers
Those Canaan days we used to know
Where have they gone, where did they go?
Eh bien, raise your berets
To those Canaan days
Simeon
It’s funny but since we lost Joseph
We’ve gone to the other extreme
Perhaps we all misjudged the lad
Perhaps he wasn’t quite that bad
And how we miss his entertaining dreams
Brothers
Those Canaan days we used to know
Where have they gone, where did they go?
Eh bien, raise your berets
Simeon
To those Canaan days
Brothers
Eh bien, raise your berets
To those Canaan days
THE BROTHERS CAME TO EGYPT
Narrator
So back in the Canaan the future looked rough
Jacob’s family were finding it tough
Brothers
For the famine has caught us unprepared
We are thin,
We are ill,
We are getting scared
It’s enough to make anyone weep
We are down to our very last sheep
Reuben
We will starve if we hang around here
Zebulun
But in Egypt there’s food going spare
Asher
They’ve got corn,
They’ve got meat,
They’ve got fruit and drinks
Dan
And if we have the time
We could see the Sphinx
Narrator
So they finally decided to go
Off to Egypt to see brother Jo
So they all lay before
Joseph’s feet
Brothers
Mighty prince, give us something to eat
Narrator
Joseph found it a strain
Not to laugh because
Not a brother among them
Knew who he was
Joseph
I shall now take them all for a ride
After all they have tried fratricide
GROVEL, GROVEL
Joseph
I dreamed that in the fields one day,
The corn gave me a sign
Your eleven sheaves of corn
All turned and bowed to mine
I dreamed I saw eleven stars,
The sun the moon and sky
Bowing down before my star
And now I realise why
How do I know where you come from?
You could be spies
Telling me that you are hungry –
That could be lies
How do I know who you are?
Why do you think I should help you?
Would you help me?
Why on earth should I believe you?
I’ve no guarantee
Narrator & Brothers
Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall
Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl
Brothers
We are just eleven brothers,
Good men and true
Though we know we count for nothing
When up next to you
Honesty’s our middle name
Life is slowly ebbing from us
Hope’s almost gone
It’s getting very hard to see us
From sideways on
Narrator & Brothers
Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall
Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl
Joseph
I rather like the way you’re talking
Astute and sincere
Suddenly you’re tragic story
It gets me right here
Brothers
This is what we hoped he’d say
Joseph
All this tugging at my heartstrings
Seems quite justified
I shall give you what you came for
And lots more beside
Brothers & Narrator
Grovel, grovel, cringe, bow, stoop, fall
Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl
Brothers
thank you, thank you, cringe, bow, stoop, fall
Worship, worship, beg, kneel, sponge, crawl
Narrator
Joseph handed them sackloads of food
And they grovelled with base gratitude
Female Ensemble
Then, unseen, Joseph nipped out around the back
And planted a cup in young Benjamin’s sack
Narrator
When the brothers were ready to go
Joseph turned to them all
With a terrible stare and said
Joseph & Children
No No No No No
WHO’S THE THIEF?
Joseph
Stop, you robbers –
Your little number’s up
One of you has stolen
My precious golden cup
Narrator
Joseph started searching
Through his brother’s sacks
Everyone was nervous
No-one could relax
Children
Who’s the thief?
Who’s the thief?
Who’s the thief?
Who’s the thief?
Narrator & Children
Is it Reuban? No.
Is it Simeon? No.
Is it Napthali? No.
Is it Dan? No.
Is it Asher? No.
Is it Isaachar? No.
Is it Levi? No.
Who’s the man? No.
Is it Zebulun? No.
Is it Gad? No.
Is it Judah? No.
Is it him?
Children
Could it be, could it be
Narrator
Could it possibly be Benjamin?
Children
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Joseph
Benjamin, you nasty youth,
Your crime has shocked me to the core
Never in my whole career
Have I encountered this before
Guards, seize him! Lock him in a cell
Throw the keys into the Nile as well
Narrator
Each of the brothers fell to his knees
Brothers
Show him some mercy, mighty one please
He would not do this, he must have been framed
Jail us and beat us, we should be blamed.
BENJAMIN CALYPSO
Brothers
Oh no – not he
How you can accuse him is a mystery
Save him – take him
Benjamin is straighter than the tall palm tree
Judah
I hear the steel drums sing their song
They’re singing man you know you’ve got it wrong
I hear the voice of the yellow bird
Singing in the tree this is quite absurd
Oh yes
Brothers
Oh yes
Judah
It’s true
Brothers
It’s true
Judah
Benjamin is straighter than the big bamboo
No ifs
Brothers
No ifs
Judah
No buts
Brothers
No buts
Judah
Benjamin is honest as coconuts
Sure as the tide wash the golden sand
Benjamin is an innocent man
Sure as bananas need the sun
We are the criminal guilty ones
Judah
Oh no
Brothers & Female Ensemble
Oh no
Judah
Not he
Brothers & Female Ensemble
Not he
How you can accuse him is a mystery
Judah
Save him
Brothers & Female Ensemble
Save him
Judah
Take me
Brothers& Female Ensemble
Take me
Benjamin is straighter than the tall palm tree
Judah, Brothers & Female Ensemble
Oh no
Not he
How you can accuse him is a mystery
Save him
Take me
Benjamin is straighter than than the tall palm tree
Judah
Sure as the tide wash the golden sand
Benjamin is an innocent man
Sure as bananas need the sun
We are the criminal guilty ones
On no
Brothers & Female Ensemble
Oh no
Judah
Not he
Brothers & Female Ensemble
Not he
Judah & Female Ensemble
How you can accuse him is a mystery
Judah
Save him
Brothers & Female Ensemble
Save him
Judah
Take me
Judah, Brothers & Female Ensemble
Take me
Benjamin is straighter than the tall palm tree
Oh no – not he
How you can accuse hi is a mystery
Save him – take me
La la la la la la la
JOSEPH ALL THE TIME
Narrator
Joseph knew by this that his brothers now were honest men
The time had come at last to reunite them all again
Joseph
Can’t you recognise my face? Is it hard to see
That Joseph, who you thought was dead, your brother
It’s me?
Ensemble & Children
Joseph, Joseph, is it really true?
Joseph, Joseph, is it really you
Narrator, Ensemble & Children
Joseph, Joseph
JACOB IN EGYPT
Ensemble
So Jacob cam to Egypt
No longer feeling old
And Joseph came to meet him
In his chariot
Of gold
Of gold
Of gold
Of gold
FINALE:
ANY DREAM WILL DO/GIVE ME MY COLOURED COAT
Joseph
I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away, someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping
Any dream will do
Joseph & Children
I wore my coat, with golden lining
Bright colours shining, wonderful and new
And in the east the dawn was breaking
And the world was waking, any dream will do
Joseph
A crash of drums
Narrator
A flash of light
Joseph
My golden coat flew out of sight
Joseph & Narrator
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone
Joseph, Narrator & Children
May I return, to the beginning
The light is dimming, the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating, any dream will do
Still hesitating, any dream will do
Full Company
May I return, to the beginning
The light is dimming, the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating, any dream will do
Give me my coloured coat,
My amazing coloured coat
Give me my coloured coat,
My amazing coloured
Coat