10. THE BIG DOLLHOUSE

WOMEN
I gotta get out
I gotta get out
I gotta get out
How'd I get in this slammer
This cooler
This big dollhouse!

MATRON
Alright, ladies, welcome to the "Big Dollhouse!" For those of you new to the Baltimore Women's House of Detention, think of me as a mother... one who eats her young!

VELMA
Locked up with all these
Lowlife women

EDNA
And horizontal stripes
Ain't exactly slimmin'

AMBER
Is there anybody here
Who can dry clean my blouse?

MATRON
It's the maid's day off

ALL
In the big dollhouse

LI'L INEZ
Lady justice,
Where have you gone?

EDNA
Îîí, wilbur, check,
I think I left the iron on!

VELMA
Did you see Corny laughing?
I could murder that louse!

MATRON
Honey, that'll getcha life

HOOKERS
In the big dollhouse

ALL
Big house!

VELMA
Locked up here in the pen

ALL
Big house!

AMBER
No phone!

EDNA
No food!

MOTORMOUTH
No men!

EDNA
I need a conjugal visit
From my loving spouse

MATRON
Honey, just drop the soap

ALL
In The Big Dollhouse

ENDA (to MATRON)
Yoo hoo,
My stomach's a little sour
I haven't had food
In over an hour

MATRON
You just had a pizza,
Six burgers, a mouse!

ALL
There's no food left
In the big dollhouse

VELMA
Hey, matron,
I have got to complain

HOOKER
Mira, mami, don't I know you
From 1st and main?

VELMA
Eek, call my attorneys
Lipshitz and Strauss
I gotta get sprung
From the big dollhouse

ALL
Big house!

LI'L INEZ
No fair!

EDNA
No food!

PENNY
No fun!

ALL
Big house!

MOTORMOUTH
And our fight had just begun
'Cause it's freedom's flame
Velma'd like to douse
So we must break out of this

ALL
Big Dollhouse

TRACY
Penny, I can't take
All this waiting
I've lost my man
Plus, my hair's deflating!

PENNY
Well Tracy,
I hate to grumble or grouse

MATRON (screaming at Tracy)
But it's your fault that we're in
This big dollhouse!!

BEATNIK CHICK
Hey, cool it, ladies
No need to shout
And don't ya got an old man
To bail you out?

VELMA
Ha! Her daddy's a pervert,
A loser, a souse!

EDNA (pawing Velma)
Well, it's iust us girls
In the big dollhouse

ALL
Big house!

AMBER
God, I'm too young to fry!

ALL
Big house!

EDNA
I'm busting out!

MOTORMOUTH
Girl, so am I!

ALL
Lady justice, hear my plea
'Cause the big dollhouse
The big dollhouse
The big dollhouse
Ain't big enough for me!
For me!
For me!

EDNA
For me!!!

11. GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE (Reprise)

TRACY
Oh, oh, oh
I'm all alone
My heart has grown
But it's broken, too

This morning
Life was a Baltimore fairy tale
Now I can't make bail!

My mother's in shock
My father's in hock
I much prefer Link's arms
To jailhouse cells

So Link, please rescue me now
'Cause I love you
And this prison smells.
Link, hear the bells!

And get ready, Baltimore
There's a bright, brand-new
Day in store
Let me out so this dream's
Unfurled
I'll eat some breakfast,
Then change the world!
And I promise Baltimore
Once I cha-cha right out of
That door
The world's gonna wake up
And see
Link's in love with me!

12. (YOU'RE) TIMELESS

WILBUR
Styles keep a changin'
The world's re-arrangin'
But Edna, you're timeless to me
Hemlines are shorter
A beer costs a quarter
But time cannot take what comes free

You're like a stinky old cheese, babe
Just gettin' riper with age
You're like a fatal disease, babe
But there's no cure
So let this fever rage

Some folks can't stand it
Say time is a bandit
But I take the opposite view
Cause when I need a lift
Time brings a gift
Another day with you
A twist or a waltz
It's all the same schmaltz
With just a change in the scenery
You'll never be old hat
That's that!
You're timeless to me

EDNA
Oh, Wilbur!

Fads keep a-fadin'
Castro's invading!
But Wilbur, you're timeless to me
Hairdos are higher
Mine feels like barbed wire
But you say I'm chic as can be!

You're like a rare vintage ripple
A vintage they'll never forget
So pour me a teeny weenie triple
And we can toast the fact we ain't dead yet!
I can't stop eating
Your hairline's receding
Soon there'll be nothing at all
So, you'll wear a wig
While I roast a pig
Hey! Pass that geritol

Glenn Miller had class
That Chubby Checker's a gas
But they all pass eventually
You'll never be passe
Hip hooray!
You're timeless to me

(They dance.)

EDNA
You're like a broken down Chevy
All you need is a fresh coat of paint

WILBUR
And Edna, you got me goin' hot and heavy
You're fat and old, but baby, boring you ain't!

WILBUR & EDNA
Some folks don't get it
But we never fret it
'Cause we know that time is our friend
It's plain to see
That you're stuck with me
Until the bitter end

And we got a kid
Who's blowin' the lid
Off the Turnblad family tree

EDNA
You'll always hit the spot
Big shot!
You're timeless to me

WILBUR
You'll always be du jour
Mon amour
You're timeless to me

EDNA
You'll always be first string

WILBUR
Ring-a-ding-ding!

WILBUR & EDNA
You're timeless to me

EDNA
You're timeless to me

WILBUR
You're timeless to me

WILBUR & EDNA
You're timeless to me!!

13. WITHOUT LOVE

SEAWEED (climbing in Penny's window)
Psst Penny! What happened?!

PENNY (strapped into bed)
My mother's punishing me for going to jail without permission!

SEAWEED
Well, I'm here to save the fair maiden in her tower.

PENNY
Oh, Seaweed!

LINK (sneaking into jail)
Tracy, you took beautiful behind bars!

TRACY
It must be the low-watt instutionai lighting!

LINK
Oh Tracy, they can keep us from kissing,
but they can't stop us from singing!

LINK
Once I was a selfish fool
Who never understood
I never looked inside myself
Though on the outside, I looked good!

Then we met and you made me
The man I am today
Tracy, I'm in love with you
No matter what you weigh
'Cause...

LINK & ENSEMBLE
Without love
Life is like the seasons with
No summer
Without love
Life is rock 'n' roll without
A drummer

Tracy, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be
Without love
Tracy, never set me free
No, I ain't lyin'
Never set me free, Tracy,
No, no, no!!

TRACY
Once I was a simple girl
Then stardom came to me
But I was still a nothing
Though a thousand fans may
Disagree

ENSEMBLE
Tracy!!

TRACY
Fame was just a prison
Signing autographs a bore
I didn't have a clue
'Til you came banging on my door

TRACY & ENSEMBLE
That without love
Life is like my dad without his bromo
Without love
Life is making out with Perry Como!

Darling, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be
Without love
So darling, throw away the key

LINK & TRACY
I'm yours forever

TRACY
Throw away the key

LINK, TRACY & ENSEMBLE
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

SEAWEED
Living in the ghetto
Black is everywhere ya go
Who'd 've thought I'd love a girl
With skin as white as winter's snow

PENNY
In my ivory tower
Life was just a hostess snack
But now I've tasted chocolate
And I'm never going back

PENNY, SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
'Cause without love

SEAWEED
Life is like a beat that you can't follow

PENNY, SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
Without love

PENNY
Life is Doris Day at the Apollo

PENNY, SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
Darling, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be
Without love

SEAWEED
So darling, never set me free

PENNY & SEAWEED
I'm yours forever
Never set me free

PENNY, SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
No, no, no!

LINK
If you're locked up in this prison, Trace
I don't know what I'll do

TRACY
Link, I've got to break out
So that I can get my hands on you

SEAWEED
And girl, if I can't touch you
Now I'm gonna lose control

PENNY
Seaweed, you're my black white knight
I've found my blue-eyed soul

SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
Sweet freedom is our goal

LINK
Trace, I wanna kiss ya!

TRACY
Then I can't wait for parole!

(Link & Seaweed break their girls out of their respective prisons
and continue singing... of course)

ALL
'Cause without love

SEAWEED
Life is like a prom that won't invite us

ALL
Without love

LINK
Life's getting my big break and laryngitis

ALL
Without love

PENNY
Life's a '45' when you can't buy it

ALL
Without love

TRACY
Life is like my mother on a diet

ALL
Like a week that's only mondays
Only ice cream never sundaes
Like a circle with no center
Like a door marked "do not enter!"

Darling, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be...

Without love

PENNY & LINK
Yes now you've captured me

ENSEMBLE
Without love

SEAWEED & TRACY
I surrender happily

ENSEMBLE
Without love

PENNY
Oh Seaweed

ALL
Never set me free

PENNY & SEAWEED
No, no, no

TRACY & LINK
No, I ain't lyin'

PENNY & SEAWEED
Never set me free

ALL
No, no, no
No, I don't wanna live without

PENNY
Love, love, love

LINK
Yeah, yeah, yeah

ALL
Darling, you had best believe me,
Never leave me without love!

14. I KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN

MOTORMOUTH
There's a light
In the darkness
Though the night
Is black as my skin
There's a light
Burning bright
Showing me the way
But I know where I've been

There's a cry
In the distance
It's a voice
That comes from deep within
There's a cry
Asking why
I pray the answer's up ahead
'Cause I know where I've been

There's a road
We've been travelin'
Lost so many on the way
But the riches
Will be plenty
Worth the price we
Had to pay

There's a dream
In the future
There's a struggle
We have yet to win
And there's pride
In my heart
'Cause I know
Where I'm going
And I know where I've been

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
There's a road
We must travel
There's a promise
We must make
'Cause the riches
Will be plenty
Worth the risk
And chances that we take
There's a dream
In the future
There's a struggle

We have yet to win
Use that pride
In our hearts
To lift us up
To tomorrow

'Cause just to sit still
Would be a sin

ENSEMBLE
I know it, I know it
I know where I'm going

MOTORMOUTH
And lord knows I know..
Where I've been

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
Oh! When we win,
I'll give thanks to my God
'Cause I know where I've been

15. (IT'S) HAIRSPRAY

CORNY
And now, live, from the certified up-to-code Baltimore Eventorium...
...for the first time ever on nationwide television...
it's The Corny Collins Spectacular...

COUNCIL GIRLS
He's Corny!!

CORNY
...brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

CORNY & ENSEMBLE
What gives a girl
Power and punch?
Is it charm, is it poise?
No, it's hairspray!

What gets a gal
Asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough?
No, it's hairspray!

If you take a ride
With no can at your side
Then your flip will be gone
With the wind

But if you spray it and lock it,
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space
Each hair will be in place

Why take a chance
When you get up and dance
If you twist, I insist
You use hairspray

And tell your mother
Her head she should smother
With "ultra-clutch" faithfully

So if you're a redhead,
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get
The only thing better than hairspray

CORNY
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

CORNY
Forget the milkman
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY
That's me!

CORNY & ENSEMBLE
What makes a man
Reach out and touch?
Ultra clutch!

So if you're a redhead,
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get

CORNY
The only thing better than hairspray
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

COUNCIL GIRLS
He's Corny Collins!

CORNY
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah!
Do wow!

CORNY
"Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!"

BRENDA
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya-do do wah!!!!

16. COOTIES

AMBER
Tracy Turnblad, this is for you.

They came from way far out
In outer space
And with her help
They may destroy the human race

AMBER & GUYS
She's got cooties!

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
They've found a place to nest

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
If I were her I'd be depressed
Long tailed, sharp nailed
Fuzzy legs, laying eggs

"Eww, get 'em away from me,
get 'em away from me ... ewww!!"

In science class
She's like a walking show-and-tell
Her pet skunk ran away
'Cause it couldn't take the smell

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
Nobody want to sit by her

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
She don't need a coat
'Cause she's got fur!
Circle, circle,

ALL
Dot, dot, dot

AMBER
Hurry, get your cootie shot!
"Come on everybody, let's stamp 'em out!"

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
She's just as friendly as can be

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
She shows them cootie hospitality

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
She's like a living "twilight zone"

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
Quick, get Rod Serling on the phone!

Black, white, red, green

AMBER & ENSEMBLE
Every color in between

AMBER
Dresses like a circus clown

AMBER & ENSEMBLE
Somebody oughta hose her down

AMBER
Grew up in a cootie zoo
I bet her two-ton mama's got 'em too!

"And that's for you!"

17. YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT

TRACY
You cant stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl
But ya know you never will
And you can try to stop my dancin' feet

But I just cannot stand still
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til I heard the drums
Then I found my way

TRACY & LINK
'Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that I can today

'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But I never ask why

And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you can't stop the beat!

(Penny appears onstage transformed into a hot teenage tigress.)

TRACY
What do ya' have to say, Penny?

PENNY
I am now a checkerboard chick!
You can't stop a river
As it rushes to the sea
You can try and stop the hands of time
But ya know it just can't be
And if they try to stop us, seaweed,
I'll call the n - double-a - c - p!
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round

SEAWEED
'Round and 'round

PENNY
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound

SEAWEED
Speed of sound

PENNY
I was lost till I heard the drums
Then I found my way

PENNY & SEAWEED
'Cause you can't stop the beat

PENNY, SEAWEED, TRACY & LINK
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a Saturday night
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop the paradise
We're dreaming of
But they cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat!

EDNA
Tracy, I have a little something
I'd like to add, if you don't mind.
You can't stop my happiness
'Cause I like the way I am
And you just can't stop my knife and fork
When I see a christmas ham
So if you don't like the way I look
Well, I just don't give a damn!

EDNA & ENSEMBLE
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til I heard the drums
Then I found my way

EDNA, WILBUR & COMPANY
'Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that I can today

'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But I never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you can't stop the beat!

EDNA
Wilbur, be a dear and get me my oxygen... NOW!

MOTORMOUTH (to Velma)
Step aside, Miss Buttercup... it's
time to wrap this mutha' up!
Oh, oh, oh,
You can't stop today

ENSEMBLE
...No!

MOTORMOUTH
As it comes speeding down the track

ENSEMBLE
Oîí îîí îîí, child, yes

MOTORMOUTH
Child, yesterday is hist'ry

ENSEMBLE
Be gone!

MOTORMOUTH
And it's never coming back

ENSEMBLE
Look ahead

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day

MOTORMOUTH
And it don't know white from black

ENSEMBLE
Yeah!

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til I heard the drums
Then I found my way
'Cause you can't stop the beat

ALL
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a Saturday night
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop this paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
You can't stop the beat!

Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah

Come on, you von Tussles
Go on, shake your fanny muscles

VELMA & AMBER
We can't!

ALL
Yes, you can!

VELMA & AMBER
No, we can't!

ALL
Yes, you can!

VELMA & AMBER
Yes, we can...!!!

ALL
You can't stop the beat

VELMA & AMBER
Ever since we first saw the sun
It seems von Tussle girls are always
Tryin' to please someone
But now we're gonna shake and shimmy it
And have some fun
Today!

ALL
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop the paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!!